7/25/09

Celestial Perspectives .... Again

Tri-O's

Oddities, observations, and opinions By Herb Kandel

Here we are again observing the roundtable in the sky where four legendary guests from the past sit and schmooze. We hover above the celestial caucus where we listen in on the spirited conversation of the participants utilizing their diverse backgrounds, knowledge, intellect, and experience from their times to critique and conjecture as they exchange ideas on contemporary issues. Let’s see who’s there and eavesdrop on their conversation, as we have done in the past.

Seated around the table are: Giacomo Casanova, a writer, adventurer, spy, and renowned “kiss and tell” womanizer; Charles Dickens, English novelist whose works have never gone out of print; Mae West, star actress, screenwriter, master/mistress of double-entendres; and Pinoccio, the wooden puppet longing to become a real boy, a fictional character created by Carlo Collodi.

Casanova: I see that there are more flare-ups in the U.S. Political world about the dalliances of some elected officials. In my day such affairs would have been taken for granted and merely gossiped about at court. Was it like that in your time, Charles?

Dickens: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times as this was the Victorian Era. We experienced a long period of prosperity even though we had wars in the Crimea and later the Boer War. Indubitably there were royal intrigues but I chose to concentrate on the plights of the poor and the reformation of labor conditions, especially those of children.

West: Charlie, there may have been a bad set of circumstances at that time, but between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

Pinoccio: I remember when I was a performer in a puppet show. I was forced to perform and was held prisoner in a birdcage. I’d still be there if I wasn’t saved by Jiminy Cricket and the Blue Fairy. I was the very best top super star of that show [nose grows longer].

Casanova: My parents were both actors as was I. Because of my gambling debts I was imprisoned but there was no Blue Fairy to rescue me.

West: For the record, I’ve got a record. I was sentenced to 10 days in jail on obscenity charges. Would you believe I was out in eight for good behavior? Me! Who said, When I'm good I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better.

Dickens: Strange, my father was sent to debtor’s prison and I performed in many plays as well as doing my stage readings on tour. We all may be kindred spirits despite our many differences.

Pinoccio: Differences? I’ll say! Before I became a real boy, I was only wood and does your nose grow when you tell a lie?

West: Oh! And here I thought it was just because you were glad to see me.

Casanova: You jest, but this nose growth should be an attribute imposed on every politician. Then you could vote for those who are able to don a pull-over sweater with ease.

Dickens: Indeed sir, most politicians are pompous and spend most of the time speaking sentences with no meaning in them. One need look no further than most recent times at some past presidents, governors, and senators.

West: Chuck, we all know you’ve had your flings, but were more discreet; Casanovas’ exploits are well known; and our lumber lad here has no strings but he can make tooth-picks. As for me I say to gals everywhere- Don't let a man put anything over on you except an umbrella.

Pinoccio: Hey, that lumber gibe hurt!

West: Sorry, my little chickadee nest.

Pinoccio: If every politician had Jiminy Cricket as their official conscience they would not need oversight committees and special prosecutors.

Casanova: Bravo! We could then appoint a Commissioner of Love to make everyone happy and let Nature take it‘S course.

Dickens: Gracious, sir! That is what caused the scandals!

Casanova: Ah, yes! Then everyone would see that it is inevitable and accept it

West: That is what I’ve been saying for a long time, that love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.

Pinoccio: Pardon me, I may have a wooden brain, but didn’t we go full circle from condemning extra-marital affairs to now condoning and even encouraging them?

Casanova and West: So?

Dickens: Oh, my! Then we will have little great expectations about future leadership deportment?

West: Right on, Chuckie! It all started with Adam and Eve because it takes two to get one in trouble.

Casanova: I have done and been many things in my lifetime: a lawyer, clergyman, secretary, soldier, spy, actor, the person who introduced the lottery, manufacturer, writer, and violinist. With all these achievements I am remembered only for my adventures with women as lover extraordinaire. So it just goes to show that history has a selective memory and that people will recall only the peccadilloes rather than their accomplishments.

West: What is, is, big boy and that’s how it always was. And you, my little wood-pecker friend, can come up and see me sometime; and don’t be afraid to tell lies.

Pinoccio: Boy! And I thought I was the only woodenhead!!

7/11/09

Of Viruses, Communication, and TV

Tri-O's
Oddities, observations, and opinions By Herb Kandel


My computer recently got infected with a virus that warned me on a black screen with big red letters “WARNING Yourr’re (sic.) Computer is infected with spy ware” and they ask you to pay for a download to fix the problem. If you click “no” the messages go into a loop and the same messages keep appearing until you press the power button to reboot and you get into the same situation again after you reboot. *

I asked Rick Burdick, Owner of Computing Solutions in Gulf Shores about this. He responded, “There are currently several “fake alert” virus threats looking for victims on the Internet. The most prevalent is Antivirus 2009, which acts like a free antivirus, but is really a virus in disguise. It really wants your credit card. It comes in many different packages, and acts as though it has discovered malware infections on your computer. It will remove them for you… for a price. Once they get your credit card, then nothing is really done. Since most of these companies operate overseas, there is little that local crime enforcement can do about it. President Obama recently announced that he is going to appoint a “Cyber Space Czar” to look into these types of crimes. These white collar criminals are getting away with Internet Robbery, and there currently is no one out to get them.”

These programs are tantamount to criminal extortion and cyber-napping. They are holding you up for ransom for something they don't have, giving you nothing in return, and setting you up for the next hijacking!! In fact this will be a topic brought up internationally when President Obama visits Russia and at the U.N. In November. There are several plans to combat this thievery and global cyberwar, but it’s an uphill battle as criminal elements and governments wishing to do us harm need not abide by such treaties.

That Cyber Space Czar will be most welcome.

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Besides using the Internet for communication, information and entertainment lets focus on TV as the medium where we switch channels instead of clicking ‘delete’.

Although we don't have the instant gratification of searching on Google we can speculate on some past and present programs and personalities seen on the tube.

There continues to be much talk about conservative right-wing broadcasters such as Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Bill O’Reilly, etc., but the pioneer of confrontational talk shows was Joe Pyne in the ‘50’s and 60’s. Both on radio and TV. He would usually make his guest defensive by first angering them with something derogatory and get them flustered. He also had a wooden leg from service in WW2. The famous interview between him and musician Frank Zappa started: Pyne: "So I guess your long hair makes you a woman."　Zappa: "So I guess your wooden leg makes you a table!" He was also the guy who dismissed guests with whom he disagreed by telling them to "Go gargle with razor blades!" Not even Rush is that derisive.

The recent passing of Billy Mays, the TV pitchman, conjures the picture of him ascending to heaven with snow white wings while expounding cleaning power of Oxi-Clean.

Other infomercials tend to exaggerate, if not mislead. Take for instance the upside down tomato one that claims to yield the red fruit (yes, I know they are in the vegetable section of the supermarket) in pounds . However I harvested only a single tomato from my upside down plant following all the directions with careful watering and fertilizing. That was one expensive salad ingredient!

How about that ice cream maker that sells on QVC and HSN; my attempts never match the quality of the store bought desert. It stretches the credibility of the “Oh’s” and “Ah’s” of delight by the hosts of those shows.

If you have some extra time on your hands you can listen to an iPod with 60 GB memory. It can hold 15,000 songs. If an average song lasts three minutes it would take 750 hours (over one month listening all day) to go through all of it. Not to mention the time spent downloading. Talk about excess!

On the lighter side, with reference to current events and personalities- if they were TV programs here is what they could be:

The Fairhope mayor and City Council “The Bickersons”

Gov. Mark Sanford of South Carolina and his lover in Argentina: “Married …… With Children”

Obama administration takes over General Motors: “Big Brother”-

North Korea ruler Kim Jong-IL: “Deal or No Deal”

Macaulay Culkin: “Growing Pains”

Hillary Clinton, Silda Spitzer, and Jenny Sanford: “Lie To Me” or “Survivor” or “Desperate Housewives”

All this electronic gadgetry, from computers to the first radio set with cat’s whiskers have had pitfalls and shortcomings. I guess the last remaining perfections are our grandchildren.

END

* I fixed mine by starting Windows in the “Safe Mode with Networking” (see your manual) and downloading a free anti-virus program. 　



http://www.baldwincountynow.com/articles/2009/07/12/columnists/doc4a57a29533bb5153301298.txt

6/19/09

A world without people

Tri-Os
oddities, observations, and opinions

by Herb Kandel

From Shakespeare's Hamlet, “What a piece of work is a man! how noble in reason!/how infinite in faculty! in form and moving how express and admirable! in action how like an angel! in apprehension how like a god! the beauty of the world! the paragon of animals! And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust?”

Poor Hamlet, here again he can't make up his mind and is torn between mans closeness to divinity and the baseness of the people who are in his life.

The words are delivered melodically in the new revival of the recently Tony winning rock musical “Hair” to a toe-tapping staccato beat.

Whether mankind is angelic or somewhat less on the evolutionary scale it makes no difference to the premise of the new 10 part series currently being shown on The History Channel called “LIFE AFTER PEOPLE“

The Series begins in the moments after people disappear from planet Earth. The cause is not addressed - only the aftermath. As each hour, day, month, and year passes, the fate of a particular environment, city or theme is disclosed. With the aid of numerous special effects, and interviews from authorities in the “fields of engineering, botany, biology, geology, and archeology provide an unforgettable visual journey through the ultimately hypothetical.”

Humans may not be around forever, and now we can see in detail the world that will be left behind in 'Life After People.' Click on any particular episode to explore what would happen to our world after we are all gone at once. No body (‘body’ in the literal sense), be they embalmed, mummified, or cryogenically frozen will last. There will be no electrical power to sustain the temperature and humidity necessary for their preservation. Domestic pets and surviving animals will roam and revert to savagery as lethal viruses will doom them and plant life weaves its carpet over all things. Pythons battle alligators, plants strip oxygen from lakes, corrosion is rampant, all colossuses collapse and crumble.

Atlanta becomes buried in kudzu (no kidding!). Semi-tropical Houston reverts to the swamp. Miami is submerged. Phoenix is swept by sandstorms. Shanghai sinks. Las Vegas has roaming rat packs, not the entertaining kind.

Devoid of mankind, there is no one to provided maintenance, repair, and replacement of worn and deteriorating materials (i.e. concrete, wood, and steel). The weather, water, heat, freezing, with their constant expansion and contraction, will eat away at skyscrapers, bridges, and everything will yield to the force of gravity; to become more surface for plant life to blanket. There goes the Washington Monument, the Liberty Bell, all of the national treasures. The Mona Lisa and The Sistine Chapel ceiling dissolve with mold.

The series extends to centuries and then millions of years into the speculated future. It is fascinating, thought provoking and brings out the genius of the generations of mankind. “What a piece of work is Man”, indeed!

In a not so gloomy a vein let’s consider some lighter aspects of “Life After -----”

Life after shoes - Sure our soles would become callused from the terrain but don't the Kenyans win almost every marathon having practiced barefoot in their rugged country? What would my BH (Better Half) do? She would certainly gain a lot more closet space and money in her bank account.

Life after TV - A long time ago someone said that “radio was TV without a picture”. True enough. When you listen to radio the pictures in your head are usually more vivid than a Technicolor movie or plasma screen. Who knows……the art of conversation may return again.

Life after Twitter - People may expound ideas exceeding the 140 character limit. Who is interested in someone picking up a six-pack at the grocery or searching for a bathroom while on a new city visit? Why are the airways and broadbands cluttered with this garbage? Think of the time saved for both sender and receiver.

Life after cockroaches - I really can't imagine that! They may be the only creatures moving on earth millenniums after man’s existence.

Life after politics - No more pesky robotic telephone calls, mean-spirited TV and newspaper ads, no more un-kept promises or juicy scandals.

Life after Lehman Brothers/Chrysler/ Pontiac/analog TV - Hey - that’s what happening NOW!

http://www.baldwincountynow.com/articles/2009/06/20/columnists/doc4a37a4d1ae836981221515.txt

6/3/09

Flip the tassel, 2009 grads
TRI-Os: Oddities, observations and opinions

Thank you once again, Ye Olde School of Hard Knocks, for the invitation to address the graduating class for this, the fourth time. We have trudged together from your days as freshmen, or for political correctness should I say “fresh people”? Be that as it may, I will again try to stay on point and speak on subjects loud enough to keep the sandman at bay and you awake, alert, amused and a-thinking.

Life’s experiences qualified you for the credits toward your degree, your BS, Batchelor of Survival. It was earned by hard work traversing through life events of employment, home and family. During your and my tenure much has happened to gain our grade points leading to this commencement.

It seems like yesterday when the Danish newspaper published cartoons of Mohammed and incensed the Muslim world, when Donald Rumsfield resigned, when Ariel Sharon had a stoke and slipped into his present coma, when 12 miners died trapped in a mine in West Virginia and when Saddam Hussein was executed. Yes, and I’m sure you’ll also recall it was the mayor of Las Vegas who proclaimed Aug. 29, 2006 Paris Hilton Day!

This past year you have endured, and are currently experiencing, other major events: the downfall of Wall Street giants, major corporations downsizing and even declaring bankruptcy, a switch of political party majorities, a new history-making president, and the continuing war in Iraq and Afghanistan. Had anyone ever imagined that GM and Lehman Brothers would be candidates for extinction? That unemployment may go into double digits? Add to this the threat of global warming (implied or real). And then there’s your kid with thumb muscles bulging with all the tweeting and texting! Our plates are full!

It’s time to again to put common sense into practice. Recall the story of King Solomon who sought a magic ring that makes the happy wearer fail to remember his joy and the broken-hearted wearer forget his sorrows. When he was presented a plain gold ring it had the engraved words “This too shall pass.” It was then Solomon realized that all his wisdom, wealth and immense power were fleeting and temporary. It is best to concentrate on the “now.” Let us do the same.

All things change with time. SUVs will morph into fuel-efficient hybrids and Facebook into encrypted personal journals for the writers’ eyes only. Those pesky pixels and Googled electrons last a long time so be mindful of what goes onto Internet sites. Eyes around the world and for future generations will be able to dredge them up at a click , swipe, or touch or perhaps even a mentally transmitted command. “Don’t do anything that you wouldn’t want to see on the front page of the newspaper”　is an old adage that is as fresh as a newly hatched slick wet yellow chick. Remember, there-are no secrets in this world, so you are at the helm (for the most part) when it comes to personal privacy on the Internet.

You new grads of YOSOHK know to be wary and cautious of the many seemingly innocent offers, like extended auto warranties from robot phone voices, and you know to wait patiently for the end of the pitch when that voice says, “ Press ‘one’ to speak to a representative or press ‘two’ to remove your name from our call list.” And you press ‘two’ before you hang up. You toss the weekly tempting letters offering Zero APRs for new credit cards. You wait till tomorrow to order that item seen on QVC or HSN today to test if you really need it (instead of thinking “what should I buy?” You think, “what do I have that can be used?”). You compare prices on major purchases by computer checking. You combine chores so as not to make numerous shopping trips. You Turn off the PC if you won’t be using it for an hour or more. You lose a beautiful earring, so you put the one you have on a chain and wear it as a necklace. You turn off sprinklers when it rains and leave them off for at least two days following a heavy rain. You re-visit days of your youth as you forgo the clothes dryer to savor again the smell of the outdoors from the fresh crisp bed linen dried by the sun. You are pragmatic with almost all expenditures with the exception of your extraordinary, beautiful and talented toddler or grandchild. Right on! Way to go!

In closing, the words of legendary UCLA Coach John Wooden, “Be more concerned with your character than with your reputation. Your character is what you really are while your reputation is merely what others think you are.” 

And from me, “Remember to floss.”

Congratulations Class of ‘09.

Herb Kandel is an entrepreneur and a former human resources executive who lives in Fairhope. He can be contacted at hekand@gmail.com.

http://baldwincountynow.com/articles/2009/06/04/columnists/doc4a25739f47275102101084.txt

5/13/09

Letters: here and beyond


Tri-O's Oddities, observations, and opinions
By Herb Kandel
My Dearest Son:

As you know from my past letters I am becoming more incensed. Correction, I am outraged that our leadership rewards those who cause of our misery. Everything is disproportionate with taxation and wealth distribution. The middle and lower income classes are losing power and have little say in running the country. They are the groups that pay the most tax while the elite and high income bracketed impose edicts allowing themselves to escape assessments. Property seizures are reaching all time records, farmers who produce the crops are becoming fewer because of excess taxation and regulations. More of the newly created factory workers, artisans, and journeymen are unemployed as demand for their goods and services shrink.

Meanwhile methods of communication are expanding and news spreads more rapidly informing the populace of the inequities between the wage earner and those higher on the income scale. There appears an impending class division and the rumblings of discontent grow each day. The increasing ranks of the middle and lower echelons feel they have no say in running the country. I fear that soon there will not be enough income for the government to do its job.

The government has spent an extraordinary amount of money on that unpopular overseas war, and the newly elected president is having a difficult time in adjusting to and coping with inexperienced situations. He will probably be unable to restore to our treasury the huge deficits we now have and which continue to increase; this due to our coming to their aid in their time of crisis. The heads of state claim they are trying to right the shortfall that they inherited from their predecessors. The banking system is not able to cope with the fiscal problems to which they themselves had contributed.

Terrorism is the feared outcome if we are not wary. Some of the most radical fanatics are preaching “Virtue without terror is impotent” and seek to incite hostilities on the leaders who do not think the way that they do. They have new methods and weapons of killing. There is much trepidation that they will try to impose their radical new order on the infuriated citizenry and this will reign upon us.

Tomorrow we rally at the Bastille. I know not the outcome, but whatever happens, know well that you are always in my heart.

Your father,
André Paris July 13, 1789

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FAST FORWARD
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Dear Great-Great-Great Grandfather ,

I read your final letter from our family archive. It has been 220 years, things have changed ……..yet much has not. Allow me expound on your comments and their modern day counterparts.

You speak of the Monarchy, Nobility, and the Clergy who were the taxing and tithing powers. Taxes now are levied only by elected governments (local, state, federal). The communications you mentioned was getting the news in days, from north to south, instead of weeks due to your new roads and pamphlet printing. Today worldly events are conveyed and seen globally within moments by the press of a button.

The war you financed helped gain America’s independence from Britain and our new President Washington was untested in many areas. He proved to be a farsighted leader establishing many precedents. France later bestowed him citizenship.

The improved weapons you referenced were cannons, muskets, pistols, along with new battlefield tactics and the introduction of the guillotine. Now current arsenals can annihilate human existence if left unfettered of proliferation and regulation.

The Reign of Terror you experienced has descended upon us many-fold and continues to wreak chaos worldwide. It is contained by mighty forces constantly vigilant. Security is the number one priority in major nations.

A minority of world citizens and fanatics seek an uprising such as yours, they too want to punish those whom they feel are responsible for their hardships. Your lessons have taught us that change through anarchy does not last as long as change through the ballot box.

Economically, in contrast to the government policies you experienced, we now have more safeguards in place. The bread you bought cost a half day’s (or more) wages; now it is had for less than an hour’s pay. Federal insurance, stimulus packages, unemployment benefits, tax incentives, and specified bailouts (even with some excesses), help cushion our crisis.

We like to consider ourselves, with modesty, more enlightened, benevolent, tolerant, compassionate, and worldly when perusing your history. I hope this is so.

May this message brings you solace along with my love.

Your Great-Great-Great-Grandson,
Andy Fairhope 5/13/2009

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.
George Santayana

http://www.baldwincountynow.com/articles/2009/05/14/columnists/doc4a09c2c8ee941735979644.txt
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Attention animal lovers: Click your mouse and feed a dog
Herb
Click your mouse and feed a dog
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/

4/4/09

A tear for FRHS




Tri-O's Oddities, observations, and opinions
By Herb Kandel


Chances are folks hereabout have likely never heard of Rockaway Beach in New York City. That said, they wouldn't know about Far Rockaway High School either. This should no longer be the case in weeks to come. FRHS which served the area from ninth through twelfth grades will be getting national attention by dint of only a single past graduate.
Rockaway Beach is a nine mile peninsula barrier island to the south of the borough of Queens. It is similar to Alabama’s Gulf Shores/Orange Beach (fondly called the “Redneck Riviera”) in that it has a large oceanfront and is sometimes referred to as the “ Irish Riviera” (because of a high population of Irish-Americans). Another parallel is that the locals are small in number in comparison to the crowds that swell it during the summer months. It’s sands are not the fine sugar white quartz kind of Pleasure Island but rather more coarse and tan/gray in color This is place where I was born and grew up.
Several miles to the east of Rockaway Beach is the town of Far Rockaway and FRHS. I am an alumnus of the school. It is for that reason only that I, along with fellow graduates, have received several e-mails pertaining to it. One was from the PBS series FRONTLINE for the purpose of a documentary film. The other was from a writer for Harper Collins Publishing. Both sought any background of the school during the times we attended and in particular any memories we might have of Bernard Madoff.
Let me hastily state I never met the man. It seems my time there preceded his by several years. He met his future wife, Ruth Alpern there. I've since learned that he was on the swimming team and she was a cheerleader.
About two score and seven years ago I said goodbye to that northern sandy beach where the Atlantic laps the shore. Inevitably, just as time takes its toll on the body, changes overcame FRHS, all to it‘S detriment. The school, after 110 years, is being phased out by the Department of Education and renamed The Far Rockaway Educational Campus. In the future it will consist of up to four small specialized schools.
Some say it’s closing is deserved. Only 30% of the students graduated in a five-year period and 34% barely met standards on standardized tests. A recent survey reported “only 23 percent of the students, teachers and parents who responded believed that there was a culture of safety and respect in the building.” In other words it has become a virtual ‘blackboard jungle’. According to one report from an educator who asked anonymity for obvious reasons, “They haven't graduated anybody but felons for years,” New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg had called it,in 2004, one of the 12 most dangerous schools in the city.
The downturn probably got it’s start when Board of Education initiated magnet schools which replaced the zoned schools thus leaving students at the school who could not matriculate elsewhere. Those who could avoid going there sought other places. The student population shrunk from more than 2000 in the 1950’s and 1960’s to just over 800 recently. This impaired situation was not always the case. There was a time when FRHS was an academic and athletic showcase. They had won city football and baseball championships on several occasions. Included among the alums are Nobel Prize laureates Richard Feynman (Physics-1965), Baruch Bloomberg (Medicine-1976), and Burton Richter (Physics-1976). There is also financier Carl Icahn, Psychologist Dr. Joyce Brothers, basketball great Nancy Lieberman, Washington Post columnist Richard Cohen, John Warren former member of the New York Kniks, comic actor Stubby Kaye, and singer Mary J Blige.
Many former grads are saddened that this school, as reported by School Library Journal “needs metal detectors at every entrance, video surveillance cameras, and 16 uniformed guards employed by the New York Police Department patrolling its halls. And it’s still the kind of school that has its own health and dental clinic because parents can't or don't provide such basic needs for their kids.”. However, we past alumnae are grateful that we attended at the time we did. We also take pride in the fact that up to 1976 FRHS was the only high school in the U.S. To have produced three Nobel Prize laureates ( Since then four New York City and one Urbana, IL high school has had three or more Nobel recipients).
Hey, with three Nobel winners and one world’s master criminal -------three out of four ain't bad for an “out in the boondocks” beach town!

http://www.baldwincountynow.com/articles/2009/04/06/columnists/doc49d66e4c0f8f6567393283.txt

3/18/09

Suri with the Frange on Topsey, Whoopie !


TRI-Os
Oddities, Observations and OpinionsBy Herb Kandel

Suri with the Frange on Topsey, Whoopie !
It is no longer a celebrity affectation in dubbing their children with names which are not listed in the “top 100”. Think Suri, daughter of Katie and Tom Cruise - Maddox Chivan, Zahara Marley, Pax Thien, Knox Léon, and Vivienne Marcheline children of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt - Apple and Moses whose mom is Gwyneth Paltrow - or Moon, Dweezil, Ahmet, and Diva the offspring of rocker Frank Zappa.
Names have been around since the days of Adam and Eve, Alley Oop, or “Hey, you”. Where the proper noun originated, I know not. However, there are many clues as to what initiated the child being stuck with what later became their name. All the following monikers are real, just ask the boy names “Sue”.
If you are a bird enthusiast have lofty aspirations or love animals there is- Jay, Robin, Merle, Meryl, Teal, Tori, Raven, Evelyn, Ava, Fox, Wolfe, Bear, and Drake
Flowers have also been a long-time favorite - Daisy, Blossom, Violet, Magnolia, Rose, Camellia, Cloris, Delphine, Iris, Columbine, Heather, or Lilly,
Worldly names include countries, cities and other places found on Google Earth- Cuba, Paris, Memphis, Bronx, London, Brooklyn, Ocean, Madison, Savannah, Phoenix, Charlotte, Dallas, Orlando, Sydney, Cairo, or France.
What’s more everyday than the calendar? There, right there tacked on the wall is -- Tuesday, Sunday, January, April, May. June, August, Five, Seven, and Trey.
The planet provides potential distinct ethnic possibilities. The Scottish/Gaelic Frang, Kyle, Aila, Craig, Lain, Adairia, Achaius, Caileigh, Teagan, or Rory-- the French nom d’azure -- Adalyn, Zorie, Liana, Remy, Destiny, Abella, Tristan, Cadence, Mason, or Courtney --In Italy Mama’s make marinara for- Arianna, Mia, Dante, Liliana, Zaira, Sabrina, Abree, Serena, Chiara, Matteo, Enzo. Aida, Romeo, Vito, Aldo, Gulielma, or Montrel -- African-American handles include- Deion, Beyonce, Demond, Kimani, Elroi, Imani, Jazara, Malik, Kya, Torrin, Shania, Wanda, Prince, Kanika, Cleopatra, or Tisha --Reading from left to right some Hebrew seman era - acisseJ, belaC, haoN, lehcaR, nadroJ, assiraM, divaD, wehttaM, semaJ, naJ, anaD, lemraC, nedE, lebatyeheM, noraA, kcaraB, abbA, or llehctiM
Add color and spice with these nominees-Amber, Ginger, Rosemary, Tangerine, Auburn, Honey, Grey, Rusty, Fennel, Slate, Fuchsia, Ebony, Cinnamon, Aqua, Ambrosia, Basil, Sugar, Herb, Lilac, Magenta, Mauve, Scarlett, Saffron, Pink, Turquoise, Olive, Sable, Tawny, Azure, Blue, Cyan, Indigo, Green, Jet, or Cherry
Some gems provide a host of possibilities - Ruby, Jewel, Sapphire, Pearl, Opal, Crystal, Ivory, Jade, Goldie, Sterling, Coral, Silver, Diamond, Garnet, Jasper, and Esmeralda,
Weather, season, or atmospheric conditions yield- Autumn, Spring, Snow, Raine, (which brings to mind the actress Gale Storm and burlesque performer Tempest Storm), Cloud, Thunder, Sky, or Shade.
Some gone but not forgotten names - Algernon, Ebeneezer, Herkimer, Nebucadnezar, Balthasar, Iago, Caliban, Dorrit, Topsey, Gottlieb, Vester, and Yorick.
The “in”, most popular names in the U.S. For boys have a biblical trend -- Jacob, Michael, Joshua, Matthew, Ethan, Joseph, Andrew, Christopher, Daniel, and William. For girls it’s Emily, Madison, Hannah, Emma, Alexis, Ashley, Abigail, Sarah, Samantha, Olivia, and Elizabeth.
In Shakespeare's “Romeo and Juliet” he wrote: What's in a name? That which we call a rose / By any other word would smell as sweet.
Sure, that may be right olfactorily, but on the schoolyard playground many a kid had been bullied and heckled by virtue of their name. Just think back and remember. It seems the name you are given is the invisible tattoo one carries throughout life.
http://www.baldwincountynow.com/articles/2009/03/22/columnists/doc49c3fffbcf822074899470.txt

3/4/09

Snap, Crackle, and Poop


Tri-O's Oddities, observations, and opinions
By Herb Kandel

I'm sure you've heard the ubiquitous jokes that start, “Waiter, waiter there’s a fly in my soup!” to which the waiter/server responds (take your choice) “Don't worry sir that spider on your bread will soon get him !” or, “ Don't worry sir, they don't eat much !” or, “Yes sir, he's committed insecticide.” or, “Couldn't be, sir. The cook used them all in the raisin bread.” or, (whispering) “Keep it down sir, or everyone will be wanting one.“.

Chuckle if you will at them but be afraid, be very afraid, of that last one. Although all the zinger rejoinders are amusing that final admonition may not have come from the waiter/server or the host of “Fear Factor” (the reality show that challenges contestants to perform gross stunts to win money) but from the equivalent of quoting from the U.S. Food and Drug Administration!
Yep, the F.D.A. Says it is permissible to have a certain defined percentage of “natural contaminants” in our table food and food supplies in general. Folks, we're talking maggots, mold, roaches, rodent filth (hair and excreta pellets), mildew, mammalian excreta, insect fragments, stones, and cigarette butts mentioned among others.

They go on to say that these levels are set “because it is economically impractical to grow, harvest, or process raw products that are totally free of non-hazardous, naturally occurring, unavoidable defects.”. But still we are the ones swallowing the stuff . Do you feel more comfortable knowing that they have “established criteria based on the reported findings (e.G., lengths of hairs, sizes of insect fragments, distribution of filth in the sample, and combinations of waste found).” ?

Here you are at the breakfast table commenting to your BH (Better Half), “Look honey, is that a fly antenna floating in my cereal bowl?” She peeks over the morning paper, assesses the snap, crackle, and pop. “Not to worry, it’s less than half an inch”. Phew, that was close.
Then I sprinkle some cinnamon on the French toast. The hole in the shaker is clogged. I unscrew the top and dislodge the substance plugging the opening to discover that it seems to be ……rodent hair. I'm relieved that it’s only four and not the 20 that is allowed.

According to a “New York Times” report last month, “you're probably ingesting one to two pounds of flies, maggots and mites each year without knowing it.”. In some cultures insects, rodents, and other vermin may be part of a standard diet providing needed protein and fiber. But hey, in our society where appealing packaging and labeling make it mandatory to list the servings per container, amount per serving, ingredients, and percentage of daily nutritional value (even down to the location of the informational panel and its format and print size) why not also list the F.D.A. Allowable defects? Call it the Proportion Of Obnoxious Particles or P.O.O.P.panel.

The F.D.A. Booklet “The Food Defect Action Levels: Levels of Natural or Unavoidable Defects in Foods That Present No Health Hazards for Humans,” lists the acceptable levels of “defects” in many food products. The following is a sampling of some of the groceries/produce perched on the shelf and in your refrigerator (most of the level findings are from pre-harvesting processing) : Bay leaves - average of 5% or more may be moldy or are insect-infested; Canned beets - 5% or more with dry rot; Canned or frozen berries - mold count 60% and insects/larvae 10 ; Frozen broccoli - 150 or more aphids and/or thrips and/or mites; per half pound; Ground paprika - 20% mold, 11 rodent hairs, 75 insect fragments; Canned citrus fruit juices - 10% mold, 5 fly eggs, 1 maggot; Canned sweet corn - insect larvae, cast skins and fragments whose aggregate length exceeds 12mm; Cranberry sauce - 15% mold; Pitted dates - 5% mold, dead insects, insect excreta and/or 2 or more pits per 100 dates; Macaroni and noodle - 4.5 rodent hairs per half pound; Mushrooms canned and dried - 50 or more maggots per half pound of drained mushrooms; Shelled pecans - 5% insect-infested, rancid, moldy, gummy, and shriveled or empty shells; Peanut butter - 75 insect fragments or 2.5 rodent hairs per eight ounces; Sesame seeds - 5% insect infected or mold or 5mg mammalian excreta per pound.

The adulterants listing may be gross but not dangerous in that they pose no natural health risk. We have been consuming them in our daily diet and the booklet further adds this encouraging disclaimer, “The defect levels do no represent an average of the defects that occur in any of the products--the averages are actually much lower. The levels represent limits at which FDA will regard the food product "adulterated"; and subject to enforcement action”

So it need not be an epicurean to exclaim, “This food tastes like #@&*. It could just be someone who read the F.D. A. booklet.

Http://WWW.baldwincountynow.Com/articles/2009/03/04/columnists/doc49ad8eefeec56535110565.txt

2/18/09

Heart felt belated Valentines

Tri-O's
Oddities, observations, and opinions by Herb Kandel


That time of year was here again last week when flower shops, along with candy and greeting card counters experienced their busiest time of year. (So, guys, forget about getting a vacuum cleaner or analog to digital converter box as tokens of affection for your “special someone”) As usual the leading non-chocolate Valentine’s Day candy will probably be NECCO (New England Confectionery Company). They have been making Sweethearts ® Conversation Hearts since the Civil War and continue to manufacture eight billion hearts each year. Each year they introduce 10 new sayings all printed in upper case. Here are some suggested candy heart imprints that some folks might have considered presenting to their designated recipient:

Obama to McCain: PLEASE, REQUEST A RECOUNT
McCain to Obama: YOU ASKED FOR IT!

Obama to Bill Clinton: GOT STIMULUS?
Bill Clinton to Obama: NO STIMULUS NEEDED!

Hillary to Bill: I'M NO. 4 IN LINE
Bill to Hillary: WHO SQUEALED ON ME?

AARP to Stump (10 year old Westminster “Best in Show” winner”): WE DID IT! WE DID IT!
Stump to AARP: WHERE’S MY GERIATRIC KIBBLES?

A-Rod to Barry Bonds: #1 POSITIVE MVP
Barry Bonds to A-Rod: WAS THERE - DONE THAT

Brad Pitt to Angelina: LET’S KID AROUND
Angelina to Brad: SIX IS ENOUGH

Gov. Crist to Gov. Riley: A JUICEY WIN
Gov. Riley to Gov. Crist: JUST RIBBING
(Re: wager between governors on SEC Championship--If Alabama won, Governor Crist to send a box of Florida oranges. If the Gators won, Governor Riley to ship a rack of ribs. Score: Gators clinched win 31-20).

Merrill Lynch to Treasury: BONUSES ARE DESERVED
Treasury to Merrill Lynch: SURE, HOW MUCH?

Bill O’Reilly to Rush Limbaugh: I'M RIGHT
Rush Limbaugh to Bill O’Reilly: I’M MORE RIGHTER
Keith Olbermann to Bill and Rush: WORSTEST PERSONS IN THE WORLD!

Warren Buffett to Bill Gates: BUY LOW SELL HIGH
Bill Gates to Warren Buffett: BOUGHT LOWER SOLD HIGHER
Bernie Madeoff to Bill and Warren: BOUGHT SCHMORT -THAT’S FOR FONZIE,
AS FOR ME I’LL GO WITH PONZI

Ford to Hyundai: NOTHING COMPARES TO FORD’S GREAT FUSION
Hyundai to Ford: AH, SO - HAVE YOU NOT SEEN THE HYUNDAI TUCSON?

Conan O’Brien to Jay Leno: THANKS FOR THE “TONIGHT” GIG
Jay Leno to Conan O’Brien: IT’S NOT MY FAULT - BLAME MY ILLITERATE AGENT

McDonald’s to Burger King: WE WANT A McSTIMULUS TOO
Burger King to McDonald’s: NO, YOU CAN”T HAVE IT YOUR WAY
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From sublime castle to most humble barn, the following were garnered from hither and yon. There’s no need to worry and no need to fret, the below was gleaned from the internet.
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The Duke of Orleans, during the Battle of Agincourt sent his wife a rhyming love letter, from his prison cell in the Tower of London. Many believe that sending poems on this day originated with him. The most universal poems are the ones starting ‘Roses are Red’ because the -eu- sound of ‘blue’ rhymes with ‘you’ .
Here are few more notable ones:

Roses are red, Violets are blue, If you can do better I'm challenging you.
“ “ “ “ “ “ , I'm trying to remember where I got this tattoo.
“ “ “ “ “ " , You know I'm allergic. I'm going to sue.
“ “ “ “ “ “ , Your cheeks are sticky With tiramasu.
“ “ “ “ “ “ , Of course I love you, and someone else too.
“ “ “ “ “ “ , I've learned that square roots Are exponents times two
“ “ “ “ “ “ , I'm schizophrenic, And so am I

Then there is the one from a love unrequited: Roses are red, violets are blue /You actually thought I would cry over you? / I told you I loved you, you thought it was true, /Well guess what player? I played you too!

And this scientific entity:
Roses reflect light at 700 nanometers /Violets reflect light at 480 nanometers /
The phenylpropanoid pathway makes the responsible
pigments, / usually to attract insect pollinators

Now some striking two line cute non-sequiturs about love:

I thought that I could love no other, /that is, until I met your brother!
What inspired this amorous rhyme? / Two parts vodka, one part lime.
I see your face when I am dreaming / That's why I always wake up screaming
Those words I spoke were true and grand / When said "I love U2"? I meant the BAND.
To tell you what you mean to me / Would get me bleeped on live TV
Beauty is on the inside, but some may doubt, / If it's true, I'd much prefer you inside out.
You are my sun, my moon, my star / I long to see you... from afar.

A final thought - Without love, what are we worth? Eighty-nine cents! Eighty-nine cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely.
Hawkeye, M.A.S.H.

http://www.baldwincountynow.com/articles/2009/02/21/columnists/doc499b408d87460784024763.txt

2/4/09

Thinking Out Loud In The Silence

Tri-O’s
Oddities, Observations, and Opinions By Herb Kandel


Here is another of an occasional meandering writing of ricocheting thoughts that flash randomly inside one’s skull during the quiet wee hours before sleep sometimes turns them into dreams.

• If you want to hear the correct pronunciation of words listen to Paul Harvey. He seems to take extra pains in his enunciation. The same can be said when you listen to a song sung by Frank Sinatra.
• To exercise my mind after seeing one TV ad after another on the commercial breaks, it is hard to remember the one that came before the one that’s playing, or the one that preceded it. Is it just me?
• Some jeans manufacturers are offering the pants with button front flys instead of zippers. Everything old is new again.
• Do you wonder what your dog is thinking when they rest their head on your knee and gaze up adoringly?
• Speaking of dogs : one of the funniest cartoons I’ve seen is where a high heeled women is standing before her open front door with outstretched arms in greeting to a smiling, wagging tail dog. The balloon above the dog’s head pictures his vision of an open lidded can of dog food atop a pair of high-heeled shoes.
• I wonder if Dave Letterman will continue his Presidential Speech pieces with our new president?
• I tried the new converter analog to digital box on a non-cable TV . It provides a lot more options and channels but with a lot of duplication.
• It seems we read more and more about Alzheimer's patients and children with Autism wandering away. If retail stores can put security tags on inexpensive items such as clothing and CDs to prevent them from leaving the premises unpaid why not provide similar bracelets or anklets to alert caregivers when these folks go beyond a designated perimeter?
• Someone once asked, “Have you ever disliked someone for being luckier or more successful than you?”. I can positively answer “No” as a friend of mine won a recent Powerball Lottery. My wish for him and his family is to enjoy it’s benefits and use it wisely.
• New Orleans has its’ posh and elegant dining establishments, but for pure delicious comfort food you can’t beat the roast beef po’ boys at most of the neighborhood eateries.
• Have you noticed nearly all clothing with the word “American” as a label or brand is manufactured outside the U.S. , i.e., Mexico, Pakistan, China, Sri Lanka, Indonesia, etc..
• Valentine was a priest who performed secret marriages against the emperors wishes ( he could not raise an army as husbands refused to leave their wives) and was sentenced to death. Before his execution on February 14 in the year 269, he sent the jailer’s daughter a note of thanks signed, “Love from your Valentine.” And that’s how it all started.
• I found out that Valentine’s Day is NOT the most popular day to prompt proposals. Christmas and New Year’s Eve have the most knee bending.
• Have you noticed credit card statements seem to come in later each month thus shortening the time of when they becomes due?
• Watching the movie “The Curious case of Benjamin Button” your mind has to constantly shift back and forth to grasp the time sequences as he ages backwards from senility to infancy. One would think that it would end with cell division.
• Ken Follett’s new massive (over 900 pages) best-seller book, “World Without End”, is a “Gone With The Wind” epic that’s set in the 1300’s.
• Will new Monopoly games come with a ‘Bailout’ card?
  
• With the exception of Super Bowl III (Joe Namath, Jets 16 - Colts 7) the last two Super Bowls have been the most dramatic and lived up to the hype.

And now, at last, to sleep.

http://www.baldwincountynow.com/articles/2009/02/07/columnists/doc4988a76b382b4322643220.txt

1/23/2009

The day ‘swift as molasses’ left a deadly wake

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Tri-O's Oddities, observations, and opinions
By Herb Kandel

My BH (Better Half) and I, were going to one of our twice a year movies. “Hurry up, slowpoke”, she chided. Then taunted, “You're about as slow as molasses in January”.
“Thanks, that‘S a compliment ”, I retorted.
“It wasn't meant to be, Sherlock”
“Au contraire! Do you know molasses was once clocked moving over 30 miles an hour?”
“No. But, tell me after the show.”
Fast forward to later: where the details were related to put that old cliché to rest.

It was 90 years ago, Wednesday, January 15, 1919 in Boston in the commercial section in the north end, where now stand Fanuiel Hall and The New England Aquarium. Nearby stood a huge steel storage tank. It was 58 feet high, over four floors 90 foot diameter with a conical top.
Molasses, at this time in our country, was the primary sweetener. It was used in most baking products and especially in the making of rum (Prohibition was looming) and Boston was a major distiller.

The tank was owned by The Purity Distilling Co., a subsidiary of The United States Industrial Alcohol Co.. It was manufactured by Hammond Iron Works three years before. It was the largest tank Hammond had ever built. The only recorded test performed on it heretofore used only eighteen inches of water. The tank was built with no plans approved and no government inspectors involved. The tank this January day held 2.3 million gallons of molasses.

The temperature at 12:30 P.M climbed to 43 degrees, very mild when compared to the frigid two degrees above zero just three days before. Taking advantage of the now temperate weather, a little blonde-haired girl was seen gathering firewood under the freight cars near the tank.
Later, many attributed this abrupt change in temperature to have caused the molasses, in it’s fermentation, to produce gas to expand and increase pressure against the walls. The company would claim that anarchists planted a bomb near the tank.

At about 12:40 PM, as stated by 3,000 witnesses, there was heard “machine gun” popping of steel bolts and the sound of ripping and tearing, this was followed by, according to the New York Times, “A dull, muffled roar gave but an instant's warning before the top of the tank was blown into the air.” and the massive tank split open. A spout of glue-like slurry propelled by tremendous pressure clawed into the sky followed by a giant wave.

Additional reports of those who were there said “it has a horrible hissing, sucking sound. It splashed in a curved arc straight across the street, crushing everything and everybody in it’s path”.

Anyone attempting to get near the sticky goo stuck in it themselves. “It could suck your boots right off you feet.” The “wall” at least eight feet high (some said 30) that smashed buildings, cars, horses, etc.. The supports and tracks of an elevated train were broken off by the impact of a steel section of the exploded tank.

The immense “gunk tsunami” was clocked between 25 and 35 mph. You could not outrun the rolling tide of goop. The Boston Evening Globe reported, “Once the low, rumbling sound was heard no one had a chance to escape. The buildings seemed to cringe up as though they were made of pasteboard.” The doors and windows of the nearby freight house caved in, and the river of ooze rolled in like molten lava. Those who tried to swim in the sticky stuff were sucked down as though in quicksand. Tons of freight (from the freight cars ----shoes, clothing, fresh produce, barrels, and boxes) tumbled and splashed. It was now so heavy the floors collapsed flooding the cellar where the workers drowned in the sweet, heavy, sludge-like liquid. Some tried to rush up the stairs but they slipped, fell, and disappeared.

The tide of thick slime struck the fire station knocking it over on it’s side and floated it toward the ocean until it snagged on some pilings. Above the wreckage, a fireman saw yellow hair floating on the moving flow. He reach into the gunk and fished out the lifeless body of the little girl who moments before had been collecting firewood.

More than a dozen horses lay helplessly with hooves flopping and flailing in the unfamiliar substance: they had to be shot.

There were 21 deaths and more than 150 people injured, Most of the dead suffocated. Some were cooked, several were crushed and others were swept by the wave into the harbor. It destroyed property worth millions of dollars.

Bostonians were still were still removing the molasses from the cobblestone streets and homes six months later. Boston Harbor had a brownish grime patina long after.

About 125 lawsuits were filed against the U.S. Industrial Alcohol Co.. Six years and 45,000 pages of testimony later the court appointed auditor gave his report.

The auditor found the defendants responsible concluding that the tank had not been strong enough to withstand the pressure and was overfilled due to the impending threat of Prohibition. It had cracked open due to the extra force. The owners of the tank paid almost $1 million in damages--and the “great molasses” case passed into history.

For 30 years afterwards the molasses would still ooze from the ground and sidewalk cracks. To this day some people claim that you can still smell it’s sickening sweet scent on a very hot day.
Ironically, Prohibition was ratified by ¾ of the states on January 16, 1919 ( the day after The Boston Molasses Flood).

(The information in the above was compiled from published accounts on the internet)
http://www.baldwincountynow.com/articles/2009/01/23/columnists/doc4976254bee376997121189.txt

1/7/09

Pick a Number

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Tri-O's Oddities, observations, and opinions
By Herb Kandel


There they were on the screen in 1967. A young Dustin Hoffman as “The Graduate” is beckoned aside at his homecoming party by a self-righteous businessman who says, “ I want to say one word to you. Just one word. -------Are you listening? “
“Yes, I am”, replies Dustin skeptically.
“Plastics“, the man whispers in a conspiratorial tone.

Plastics, as he meant it, was where the business future lie. The actual intent of the movie was to indicate everything that was superficial and pretentious. Yet here we are 42 years later still trying to contend with plastics’ advances and hazards in it’s manufacture, use, and recycling.

Check the next plastic container you hold. Turn it upside down, and you'll see a recycling triangle with the number in the middle. In 1988 the plastics industry introduced its voluntary “resin identification code"—a number from #1 to #7 that represents different resins and they indicate the type of plastic so as to make sorting and recycling an easier process. These numbers are intended to help consumers know whether and how to recycle various plastic products and packages. It is, at least to me, as confusing as the Part D Medicare drug formulary or a five star Suduko.

“Resin ID codes are not intended to provide guidance on the safe or appropriate use of any plastic item and should not be used for this purpose“, according to The Society of the Plastics Industry. Each recycling facility use these numbers as a guide for what they will and won't accept. It doesn't mean that higher numbers are NOT recyclable.

There was a rumor awhile back that alleged “ bottles with plastic recycling numbers below "5" release cancer-causing chemicals”. It was just another Internet hoax like the one that told you Bill Gates would send you $1200 for forwarding an e-mail.

National Geographic has a web site named Green Guide (WWW.greenguide.Com) which recommends buying #2, #4, and #5 coded items: “These three types of plastic are your best choices. They transmit no known chemicals into your food and they're generally recyclable.”
They go on stating that items with the #1 code (which are mostly disposable soft drink and water bottles) are “fine for single use but avoid reusing #1 water and soda bottles, as they're hard to clean, and because plastic is porous, these bottles absorb flavors and bacteria that you can't get rid of.”

Plastics marked PLA are environmentally friendly, says the Green Guide as they “are made from renewable resources such as corn, potatoes and sugar cane and anything else with a high starch content” however they can't recycle these plant-based plastics, nevertheless they say those items can be used in a municipal composter or in your backyard compost heap.
They also caution against the use of :
1. #3 PVC used in cling wraps for meat because PVC has softeners that change hormonal development, and its manufacture and incineration release dioxin, a potent carcinogen and hormone disruptor.
2. #6 PS: Polystyrene-foam cups and clear plastic take-out containers which they say “can leach styrene, a possible human carcinogen, into food.”

Additional alerts they list have to do with cling-wrapped food and food storage:
They suggest slicing off a thin layer of the food where it contacted the plastic and store the rest in a glass or ceramic container or wrap it in non-PVC cling wrap.
Avoid storing fatty foods, such as meat and cheese, in plastic containers or plastic wrap.
Hand-wash reusable containers gently with a nonabrasive soap; dishwashers and harsh detergents can scratch plastic, making hospitable homes for bacteria.

A "microwave-safe" or "microwavable" label on a plastic container only means that it shouldn't melt, crack or fall apart when used in the microwave. The label is no guarantee that containers don't leach chemicals into foods when heated. Use glass or ceramic containers instead.

So just when you thought it was safe going into the kitchen ………but Noooooooo…….they drag you back again!!

http://www.baldwincountynow.com/articles/2009/01/07/columnists/doc4963c150514b0331875298.txt

12/27/08

Traditions around the world



Tri-O's Oddities, observations, and opinions
By Herb Kandel

“Tradition, tradition!” Tevye sings in “Fiddler On The Roof”. What is tradition? It’s the custom or the usual accepted practice of performing certain activities and rituals. At this holiday time of year families rely on traditions that hold memories and may spark new ones. For Tevye it was lighting candles on the menorah and singing the dreidel song. For others it could be a recipe handed down from grandma‘S grandma, hanging certain ornaments, singing particular songs, or perhaps performing an act of charity. Whatever it is, it is yours and should be cherished. However, around the world there are traditions that are different. For instance:
In England it is a Christmas tradition that to make a wish come true you must stir Christmas pudding only if the ingredients are stirred in a clockwise direction. The pudding is usually prepared weeks beforehand and is customarily stirred by each member of the family as a wish is made. December 26 is called Boxing Day in the UK. No, not the kind of boxing Ala Mike Tyson or Muhammad Ali. It is based on the tradition of giving gifts to the less fortunate members of society and tipping the providers of good service. Contemporary Boxing Day is now a "shopping holiday" associated with after-Christmas sales. It started in feudal times when the lord of the manor would give gifts to the serfs who lived on his land. Each family would receive a box full of such goods, hence "Boxing Day".
In Italy there are usually no Christmas trees. Instead they have the ceppo. It is a wooden frame several feet high designed in a pyramid shape. This frame supports several tiers of shelves, often with a manger scene on the bottom followed by small gifts of fruit, candy, and presents on the shelves above. They also have the Urn of Fate: An old tradition has each member of the family take turns drawing a wrapped gift out of a large ornamental bowl until all the presents are distributed. Now how do you wrap pasta with marinara sauce?
Since the major religion in Japan is Buddhism and Shinto, Christmas is more commercial event than religious (so, what‘S new?). The main celebration revolves around Christmas eve and not Christmas day. It is common to give Christmas presents. Parents give presents to their children, but the children do not give presents to the parents. The reasoning behind this is that only Santa bring presents, so once the children no longer believe in Santa the presents are no longer given. Kids, it’s OK for that guy in the red suit to kiss Momma San ……. You just have to believe.
In Norway on Christmas Eve don’t plan to sweep the floor. All the brooms in the house
Are hidden because long ago it was believed that witches and mischievous spirits came out on Christmas Eve and would steal their brooms for riding. As holiday time approaches most families bake cookies. The tradition is that there must be at least seven different kinds of Christmas cookies on the table on Christmas Eve. The Nordic tradition of the yule log burning goes back to medieval times. The whole tree was dragged into the house with the large end in the fireplace, while the rest of it encroached the room (is this how ‘getting stumped‘ originated?).
Just as we have our Santa, the English have Father Christmas, and the Germans St. Nicholas, Norwegians have the Julenisse. They come from the forest. These elve or gnome-like creatures wear red stocking caps, knee britches, hand-knitted stockings a Norwegian sweater, and a fur coat. Long white beards flow from their chin. They are jolly and happy, but can also be stern and mischievous. If your not on good terms with them through bribes, they will play tricks on you. So one should never forget to leave them a large portion of porridge on Christmas Eve. No pouting allowed either!!
If you are in the Ukraine it’s OK to decorate your tree with an artificial spider and gold and silver tinsel representing its web. The tradition started, it is said, when an impoverished widow living in a cold hut with her children realized that they could not decorate their tree (which they had grown from a fallen pinecone) as the children longed for. They just accepted poverty as a way of life. On Christmas morning the children’s shouts of joy woke their mother. She went to see what the commotion was about and beheld a marvelous sight. During the night a spider had spun its web around the feeble branches and as the shafts of the sun crept along the floor and silently climbed the tree, the glow touched the threads of the web turning each one into silver and gold. From that day forward the widow never wanted for anything.
To remember this miracle, Ukrainians still decorate their trees with “spider webs” to invite good luck and fortune for the coming year. So, next time a spider decides that your home is warm and cozy, think twice before shooing it and its web away, unless your name is Miss Muffet.
So let’s celebrate our traditions, the old, with trees and caroling, along with the innovative new, perhaps having far-flung families all hook-up at one time for a gigantic web cam get-together Just think of all the saved fares and the familial squabbles we’d avoid!
Happy Holidays.

http://www.baldwincountynow.com/articles/2008/12/29/columnists/doc49554c408e874408971752.txt

12/3/08

Free no more


Tri-O’s
Oddities, Observations, and Opinions
By
Herb Kandel

A few months ago US Airways began charging passengers $2 for bottled water and sodas and $1 for teas and coffees. Other major airlines did not follow the practice. A few “low-cost” carriers have been charging for beverages for several years. There are oxygen bars where you sniff the gaseous element via a nose hose at about $1 a minute, it also comes in “flavors”, i.e., peppermint, wintergreen, cranberry, etc.. Another form of its packaging is in cans, starting at $5 a pop.
So here we are shelling out for two necessities of life ---air and water. Where have all the free stuff gone? More and more the way of the dinosaur, I suspect.

Think back, it wasn't too long ago when you drove into a gasoline station and an attendant hopped out. “Fill ‘ER up with regular,” you'd say as he put the nozzle into the tank and set it on auto fill. Then he would wash and squeegee your windshield, rear window, head-lights, and outside mirror. You would pop the hood so he could check the oil level, and when it was done the air pressure in all the tires was taken and adjusted. The “Tiger in the Tank” fill cost about $ 6 (if your tank was near empty when you came in) and he often gave you a free key chain or other sales gift together with S&H green stamps as he tipped his cap and said, “Thank you”. Some of the stations later provided a free car wash.

All radio then was free too. A few years ago, as a freebie, when I bought my new 2004 Honda Accord it came with a 3 month trial subscription to XM Satellite Radio. Using it brings more than a hundred radio stations to my fingertips whenever I drive my car. As long as my receiver has an unobstructed view of the sky, anywhere in the country, I can listen to my stations continually. Not only many different music genres but also talk shows, TV news, comedy, sports, regional weather and traffic, informational, educational, drama, and old time radio. It provides the song information as to artist and title on a digital display. The monthly fee is $12.95 (it’s less for music only stations). This gives you a lot of choices but if you are like my BH (better Half) you will gravitate to only a few, or in her case just one (Show tunes). For local news and information you still need traditional free radio stations. The satellite radio industry continues to grow each year but new technology such as HD radio as well as Wi-If and WiMax streaming audio with local content may slow its progress. Ipods, cell phones, MP3’s add more diversity to the mixture of audio media.

When we bought our first RCA TV, with its bulls-eye logo that came on after midnight when broadcasting ended, there were only the three major networks and the DuMont Channel. All you needed to do was plug it into the wall socket and attach it to the outside roof/window antenna. Then along came the Zenith Space Command remote control which birthed the term “couch potato”. Now we have cable, premium channels, and satellites orbiting high above transmitting to the receiving dishes which provide umpteen channels for almost any interest-- from food to fantasy and comedy to courtroom. No longer free. The choices, packages, specials, deals, and promotions are as mind boggling as the Medicare drug plans. One needs only time enough and pockets deep enough to absorb all that is available.

There was a time when if you purchased 12 items the merchant would add another at no charge. It was called a “baker’s dozen”. In most of Louisiana when that little extra is added it is called “lagniappe”. Because of the soaring gasoline prices a few months ago, when it was selling for over $4 a gallon, some restaurants in order to defray the new expense started charging for the “sides” à la carte. If you wanted lettuce or tomatoes on your hamburger it would cost an additional 10 to 15 cents each, cheese added another 25 cents; each vegetable on your entrée carried a separate charge. Forget about such a thing as a “free lunch” even though we're talking about fringe foods.
Nowadays the “freebies” are few and far between. I have a friend who at the checkout in the supermarket hands to the clerk just one of the two same items from his cart that is advertised as “buy one get one free”. When the item is about to be scanned he tells the cashier that he only wants the “free” one. Someday he hopes it will work. In the meanwhile we may just have to reminisce about the days when essentials like air, water, sunshine, and the courtesy of a “Please” ,“Thank you”, and “May I help you?” were dispensed freely.
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11/19/08

Three Little Words

Tri-O's
Oddities, observations, and opinions
By Herb Kandel

Catching up with my reading took me to a July issue of the AARP Magazine (you know you've been a member much longer than you thought when you still keep the back issues). An article written by Abigail Thomas, who teaches memoir-writing seminars, piqued my curiosity when she wrote, “ Take any ten years of your life and reduce them to two pages. Every sentence has to be three words long …….you discover there’s nowhere to hide”. The gauntlet thus was tossed. This proved to be a challenge, however I wanted to expand this exercise to be more than a personal one. So how about chronicling social, cultural, and historical events from President 32 to President-elect 44? Hang on to your hats as the word trilogy rockets over 70 years.

“Socialist,” Limbaugh pounded. “No,” screamed Hannerty. “Never,” cried Boortz. “Impossible,” hissed Savage. “Yes,” said people. “Way to go.”
Dawn proved reliable. The sun rose. It was Wednesday. Nothing had happened. Yet, everything happened. Tuesday we voted. The world survived. History was made.
Many problems ahead. War in Iraq. Hostilities in Afghanistan. Iran rattles nukes. North Korea threatens. Economy in shambles. Dow-Jones in slide. Foreclosures still climbing. Healthcare getting sicker. Layoffs in industry. Bailouts proving uncertain. Chapter 11’s increase. Education grades flunked. Environmental issues abound. Global warming looms. Madonna seeks divorce. More clouds overhead?
Back we go.
Remember the 4o’s? We all survived. Nothing is 100%. There was offensiveness. The KKK flourished. Jim Crow thrived . Poll taxes collected. Father Coughlin ranted. Women’s workplace pigeonholed. Unequal pay common. Flu killed people. Polio was widespread. Hitler ruled Germany. The Holocaust raged. Dunkirk was evacuated. Churchill exuded confidence. Britain survived bombs. France folded quickly. Italy invaded Ethiopia. Lend-lease was born. Bundles for Britain. Blood, sweat, tears. Japan attacks Pearl. The draft passes. Losses in Pacific. Iwo flag raises. Victory at sea. Omaha Beach D-Day. The Russian winter. Nazi Germany falls. Celebrate V-E Day. Hiroshima gets radiation. Japan surrenders unconditionally. Cheer V-J Day. Shout Hallelujah, baby.! Better times coming.
Past is future.
FDR lifted spirits. Public works flourished. Infra-structure grew nationwide. Artists were sponsored. Financial institutions regulated. Farmers received subsidies. Social security enacted. Radio was king. “Happy Days” sung. Optimistic fireside chats. Faces smiled again. Plants assembled cars. Movies created stars. Joe Louis champ. Women donned pants. Jitterbug was born. Bing crooned tunes. Bob provided laughs. Kate Smith resonated. Dale Carnaegie influenced. Fred personified dancing. Ginger followed, backwards. No Third Term. No Fourth Term. Uncle Miltie wows.
Then came Korea.
38th Parallel drawn. Iron Curtain descends. Truman fires MacArthur. Truman beats Dewey. Birth of Israel. We like Ike. Berlin wall erected. Elvis rocks country. Joe weds Marilyn. LSD changes moods. Sputnik circles Earth. Brooklyn Dodgers move. Camelot in Washington. Cuban missal crises. JFK did Dallas. LBJ escalates “Nam. Britain’s Beatles beguile. Schoolhouse door blocked. Hippies love “Hair”. ‘68 took Martin. Sirhan shot Bobby. Armstrong on moon. Nixon “not crook”. Pet rocks patted. Roe verses Wade. Watergate emasculates President. Hula hoops twirl. Ford pardons Nixon. Iran’s Ayatollah returns. Long gas lines. Hostages defeat Carter. Reagan communicates effectively. Apple introduces Mac. “Just say, No”. Cold War ends. Berlin wall dismantled. Oklahoma City bombed. Horton beats Dukakis. Bush frees Kuwait. “No new taxes”. Clinton’s clout clinches. Intern causes impeachment. “Is” is not. Chads hang Gore. Court backs "W". 9/11 shakes nation. Iraq harbors WMD’s. “Mission Accomplished” unfurled. Katrina cripples Crescent. Oil prices soar. War still debilitates.
We’re here now.
New leadership steers. Today we hope. Smart leaders prevail. Things work out. Cookies will crumble. Change will come. One nation undivided. Prayers go out.
We all need.
Love is all.
Time flashed by. What a ride!
END
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11/5/08

POTUS Memory Lane
TRI-Os: Oddities, Observations and Opinions
By Herb Kandel

This is being written three days before Election Day, so by now we know who the next president will be (except if it‘s another chad/cliff-hanger as was Gore vs. Bush in 2000). Whether or not your choice was the one who will take the oath of office, we can all give a great sigh of relief by no longer having to sit through those political commercial ads telling us how bad and nasty their opponent is/was. Then the inevitable ritual: As soon as the votes are tallied, verified and accepted, the once former challengers are “friends” again asking for unity and to “come together” in conciliatory speeches. It happens every four years.

Let’s stroll down Memory Lane and revisit some of the outcomes of past elections and explore some trivia along the way:

George Washington and James Monroe were the only presidents to have won in every sate, but there were not as many states then.
Monroe had a total of 87,343 popular votes in the 24 states, and he ran unopposed in 1820.
Top winners with a win in 49 states are Richard Nixon (lost in Massachusetts) and Ronald Reagan (lost in Minnesota). Runner-up is Franklin Roosevelt in 1936; he won 46 states, which was every state, at that time, except Maine and Vermont.
The last third-party presidential candidate to win a state was George Wallace in 1968. As the American Independent Party choice, he won five states: Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, Alabama and Georgia. Previously, in 1948, Strom Thurmond won Louisiana, Alabama, Mississippi And South Carolina.
You may think of California as a blue state, but from 1960 to 2004, in all those 12 presidential bouts, they only voted Democratic five times (1964, 1992, 1996, 2000 and 2004).
Speaking of 1960-2004 presidential races, the Republicans won each time in Idaho, Indiana, Kansas, Nebraska, North Dakota, South Dakota, Utah and Alaska.
Franklin Roosevelt could count on the “solid South” because they had voted Democratic since reconstruction. The first Republican to put a crack in that solidity was Warren Harding in 1920, winning Tennessee by a slim margin. Barry Goldwater’s 1964 campaign put back the “solid” to the South, but on the red side. He prevailed in his home state of Arizona, and the only other states where he was victorious were in the South: Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia and South Carolina.
Q: How are Al Gore, George McGovern, Al Smith and William Howard Taft similar?
A: They lost their home state in their presidential bids.
The only state that voted Democratic in the last seven presidential elections (1980 to 2004) is Minnesota.
The party who has won in more presidential elections is the Republicans: Score 23 terms to 20, and the last president who was not major party affiliated was Millard Fillmore in 1850, he ran as a Whig.
When Theodore Roosevelt split with the Republicans in 1912 and ran as the candidate of the Progressive (Bull Moose) Party, the Republicans came in third. Woodrow Wilson won.
As far as presidents elected to two terms, the Republicans beat the Democrats seven (Lincoln, Grant, McKinley, Eisenhower, Nixon, Reagan and George W. Bush) to five (Jackson, Cleveland, Wilson, FDR and Clinton).
When none of the four candidates in 1824 received an electoral majority, although Andrew Jackson got the majority of the popular vote, the House of Representatives chose John Quincy Adams, by ONE vote.
Only four sitting vice presidents have won the high office: John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, Martin Van Buren and George H.W. Bush.
It would take only the 11 most populated states to have a total of 271 electoral college votes and win the election. Any candidate could win all 39 other states (and D.C.) and still lose.

Presidential Firsts:
To grow the first tomatoes in America: Thomas Jefferson
Photograph of an American president,: John Quincy Adams (in 1843, it was taken 14 years after he left office)
Photograph of a sitting president while in office: James Polk
To ride on a train: Andrew Jackson
To ride in an automobile: Theodore Roosevelt
To fly in an airplane: Theodore Roosevelt
To use a helicopter on the White House lawn: Dwight Eisenhower
To travel outside the country while in office: Theodore Roosevelt
To have a bathtub with running water in the White House: Millard Fillmore
To install a radio in the White House: Warren Harding
To broadcast from the White House: Calvin Coolidge
To have a telephone in the White House: Rutherford B. Hayes
To appear on television : Franklin Roosevelt
To appoint a woman as a cabinet member: Franklin Roosevelt
To appoint an African-American as a cabinet member: Lyndon Johnson
To have a child born in the White House: Grover Cleveland

Then there was George Washington who owned and operated the largest distillery at that time with five stills and a boiler. Is it any wonder than that he was eulogized as being “First in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”

Herb Kandel is an entrepreneur and a former human resources executive who lives in Fairhope. He can be contacted at hekan@mail.com

10/25/08

Celestial Perspectives

TRI-O’s:
Oddities, observations & opinionsBy Herb Kandel

Prior to Jay Leno hosting The Tonight Show there was Johnny Carson and Jack Paar. This format originated in 1953 by Steve Allen. Allen wrote over 50 books and composed more than 6000 songs. Even with this vast body of work he considered his best a series he wrote for PBS from 1977-1981 titled Meeting of Minds. It was a roundtable discussion with Allen talking to four legendary guests from history. Dialog was from their writing or quotes which were germane to the discussion topic, or was inferred from their individual history. Utilizing this format we too can look in and eavesdrop on our own roundtable, as we have done in the past.

We hover above the celestial caucus where we listen in on the spirited conversation of the participants utilizing their diverse backgrounds, knowledge, intellect, and experience from their times to critique and conjecture as they exchange ideas on contemporary issues.

The four ponder the presidential campaign. Seated are: Jackie Robinson, major league baseball player; Napoleon Bonaparte, French Emperor, Andrew Jackson, seventh President of the United States, and Scarlett O‘Hara (Hamilton Kennedy Butler), Southern belle.

Jackson: I have to give that John McCain credit for living through those years as a POW. I know how he felt.
Robinson: What do you mean?
Jackson: See this scar on my forehead and left hand? When I was 13 my older brother Robert and I fought in the Revolutionary War and were captured by the British. While prisoners we were ordered to clean the boots of a British officer. I refused. The officer drew his sword and slashed me as I raised my hand in defense. Robert refused also and was sent flying across the room from the officer’s wallop. We both contracted smallpox there and Robert died, he was 15. My other brother, Hugh, also a soldier, died two years before, he was 16. So I know how McCain feels about war it’s consequences.
Bonaparte: Oui! I too was a prisoner, twice. After I abdicated they sent me to the island of Elba to be “ruler” but this was merely a ploy to keep me from my supporters. Later I returned and waged another war that ended with my defeat Waterloo, only because we were outnumbered almost two to one. Then they exiled me to St. Helena.
Robinson: I almost became a prisoner of the U.S. Army. I was court-martialed for not moving to the back of a bus. I was just standing up for my dignity. The charges were dismissed but it left it’s mark. Later when I played for the Brooklyn Dodgers I had a preacher to help me not hamper me. We had a pitcher called Preacher Roe who had a 22-3 won-loss record in 1951. Too bad Obama had Reverend Wright and not Preacher Roe on his side (no relation to Roe V Wade). Say, Miss Scarlett, have you ever been imprisoned?
O‘Hara: No, indeed! But I did visit Mr. Butler when he was a prisoner. I wore a beautiful green velvet dress, newly made from drapes, to impress him. I do believe he saw through my guise. Perhaps I should have worn “traveling pants” like Hillary. Although they didn't seem to help her. Bless her heart.
Jackson: Do you think she was too ambitious?
O’Hara: Lordy, no! She just proved that strong women can achieve (having a husband who is a former president helped). We should be have equal rights along with compensation. I myself ran a lumber mill during reconstruction and still managed to be a lady. Sarah Palin has five children, is governor of a state, hunts, fishes, can put lip rouge on animals, and nevertheless seeks to be second in line to become President. I do declare it took a brave person to chose her as a running mate.
Bonaparte: When French law was based on my Code women could not make contracts or have bank accounts in their own name. They were dependents to be educated mainly in those areas to make them good wives in domestic skills and religious devotion.
O’Hara: Fiddle De Dee! You were just trying to get even because your wife Josephine cheated on you when you were off fighting that silly war in Italy. Anyway, you got married again. Same as John McCain and Andrew here.
Jackson: Yes, but I remarried my beloved Rachel. She thought her first husband obtained a divorce when we first married in 1791, however he had only asked for permission to file, and he sued on grounds of adultery. After the divorce was granted, we remarried in 1794. It was an honest mistake, but whispers of adultery and bigamy abounded, and neither of us was unfaithful. Many can attest that I was quick to take offense at, and ready to avenge, any slight to her.
Robinson: What a coincidence! My wife’s name is Rachel also, and Michelle Obama’s maiden name is Robinson. Both are woman of enormous accomplishments in education, profession, and whose husbands broke the color barrier in sports and politics. What do you think of the possibility of Michelle as First Lady?
Jackson: Our government is founded upon the intelligence of the people. I for one do not despair of the republic. I have great confidence in the virtue of the great majority of the people, and I cannot fear the result.
Bonaparte:One should never forbid what one lacks the power to prevent. Victory belongs to the most persevering but women are nothing but machines for producing children.
O’Hara: I’ll think about that tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day.

END

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