4/23/08

Pop, goes the question


Tri-O’s
Oddities, Observations and Opinions
By Herb Kandel

Here we are heading for the merry month of May and June brides are right around the corner. But wait, contrary to urban legend June is not the most popular month for marriage. Many years ago (in the 70’s) we performed a survey in New Orleans to find out the best times in which to promote keepsake boxes for the preserving of bridal gowns. To our surprise we found there were more weddings in August than in June. This trend has continued. According to the Association for Wedding Professionals International in 2005 and 2006 both August and September had more brides than did June.
With these statistics in mind during the next few weeks and months many guys will be pondering unique methods as to how and where to “pop the question”. There are ways other than surprising her by putting the ring on the pepperoni pizza, in the crème brûlée, or the bottom of a champagne flute.
The following are some unusual approaches that have been used and a few that should never be attempted.
In Atlanta the couple did the crossword puzzle as a daily routine. The 58 Across clue read “Question that pops up,” and when the letters finally filled the empty squares the answer that sprang up spelled, “WILL YOU MARRY ME”. Then he assumed the position -- getting down on one knee and offered her the ring. She responded with a three letter word beginning with “Y”.
The buzz of conversation quieted in the Toronto restaurant when the diners heard the clatter of the knight in full shining armor approaching the table of the young lady. He bent down with a clang on his metal padded knee, lifted his slotted squeaking mask and implored her to grant him his wish. She acquiesced and most likely squirted some WD-40 in his visor, as he felt somewhat unhinged.
He wanted to surprise her with a lofty proposal but this Londoner got more than he bargained for. He had the $12,000 ring placed in the helium filled balloon that was intended for his loved one. As he exited the store a gust of wind blew the lighter than air latex sphere out of his hand and it went up up and away into the wild blue yonder never to be seen again. She now refuses to speak to him until he replaces it. The question remains: Will their love too be gone with the wind?
Some “not so good” approaches in “popping the question”:
Do not propose at a funeral. In Raleigh a guy asked for her hand in front of his brother's casket because he knew his brother had been looking forward to seeing him get married. We think his request was stiffly laid to rest.
Another no-no is to tape the ring to the toilet seat and leave it up. For when she lowers it she may not notice the diamond band and the desired answer might be flushed away too.
It will not promote bonding if you superglue the ring in the box and watch her try to pry it out (and never try this with a short tempered prospective fiancée).
For goodness sake when you are in a nice restaurant do not pretend you are choking then lean over a chair to perform a fake Heimlich maneuver and “cough” up the ring. Totally unappetizing.
Do not e-mail your question; but if you do, on no account have it say it also was sent to ‘undisclosed recipients’.
Other traditional and non-traditional approaches to making the proposal have been in Scrabble games, Trivial Pursuit, jig-saw puzzles, rose petals arranged on the floor or bed reading “Marry Me”, a plane pulling your sign, a billboard message, a jumbo board at a sporting event, a simple note attached to a floral bouquet, or inside a box of chocolates. It can be in a boat, a limousine, a hot air balloon, a roller coaster, a horse drawn carriage, or a grocery store; on a mountain, a beach with a message in a bottle, at the top of a city skyscraper, even under water, or at the place where you had your first date.
No matter wherever, whenever, or how the presentation is made it should be one of the most memorable events of a lifetime and as Rick tells Louie in the movie ‘Casablanca’, “….this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship” and with luck and love, infinitely beyond.

http://www.baldwincountynow.com/articles/2008/04/23/columnists/doc480e3e0be0535476867387.txt

4/9/08

Beware-Danger Lurking


Tri--O's Oddities, observations, and opinions
By Herb Kandel


After you read this you may not regard your toothbrush in the same way. Do you recall several seasons ago on the TV show “Big Brother” when one of the house-guests, miffed at another, took his toothbrush and used it to clean the toilet before putting it back in the holder? Yuk! Well, what I learned was not that gross……. But I get ahead of myself and once again my BH (Better Half) proved right, and I am now glad she was.
Let me take you back a few months to the Holiday season when my BH presented me with a gift. I first thought of it as being an eccentricity, just another quirky stocking stuffer to be used once then stored on the shelf next to the bread baking machine, super juicer, and pasta maker. It was accepted with a “Thank you, it was just what I wanted”, and a smile knowing full well there was going to be a forthcoming visit to our storage room.
She knew that several decades ago my dentist told me that I was a candidate for periodontal disease (I since learned an estimated 80 percent of American adults have some form of the disease). It seemed my gums were exhibiting the red flag of inflammation and had deep pockets (no, not the kind meaning vast wealth but the gap between teeth and gum which harbors the nasty bacteria that cause the distress). After the deep-cleaning, called scaling, and root planing together with a re-education on better dental and oral hygiene I maintain a nightly regimen to keep the pearly whites. The choppers have a long way to go before they need replacement and the use of Polident.
My activity consisted of eight steps, until recently. Indeed, from initial dental water jet to final tongue scraper takes a lot longer than the two minute brushing and flossing as recommended by dentists. I am a virtual “Adrian Monk” (the obsessive-compulsive TV detective) in front of the bathroom mirror.
Now there is an added ninth step.
In the May issue of “Prevention” magazine it states the worst place for your toothbrush is on the bathroom sink. The article quotes germ expert Chuck Gerba, PhD, a professor of environmental microbiology at the University of Arizona, “When you flush, aerosolized toilet funk is propelled as far as 6 feet, settling on the floor, the sink, and your toothbrush. ‘Unless you like rinsing with toilet water, keep your toothbrush behind closed doors--in the medicine cabinet or a nearby cupboard’ ” The piece went on to say, “There are 3.2 million microbes per square inch in the average toilet bowl”
After reading this I scurried to the shelf in the storage room and cleaned the gift of three months of the settled dust.
My thoughtful BH had given me a VIO, a toothbrush sanitizer that uses Ultra-Violet light to destroy micro-organisms. This ninth step now resides in the beneath the sink cabinet. I sleep sounder knowing that the ten minute eerie blue glowing light that shuts itself off has aided in thwarting the harmful bacteria lurking in the air and living on my toothbrush.
You, dear reader, are now duly apprised to what lies in wait in the confines of your bathroom, so be ever vigilant. Monk, who pours boiling water over his toothbrush, would be proud of you.
Speaking of toothbrushes…….it is said that the credit for its invention was a hill-Billy. Why, you ask? Because if it was invented by anyone else it would have been called a “teethbrush”. Ouch!!


http://www.baldwincountynow.com/articles/2008/04/09/columnists/doc47fbcd7b52d88428812122.txt