10/5/05
I Had a Dream--World Travel in the U.S


Tri-O's oddities, observations, and opinions
by Herb Kandel
I Had a Dream--World Travel in the U.S.
How many times have you tried to capture the dream you had just before waking? Sometimes it vanishes with the first eye blink and at other times it stays with you for a long time. A few nights ago I had a vivid dream and it was the staying kind. In it I was driving. It was up north ( I know this for a fact because autumn colors abounded and there were no Hurricane Evacuation road signs). A wailing siren and flashing lights behind me made me slow down, pull over, and stop. I rolled down my window. He initially looked like Hulk Hogan but slowly morphed into Darth Vader as he approached. The trooper walked up to the driver’s door. He said that one of my tail lights was broken and asked for my license and registration. I handed them over. He checked them out.
“Fairhope, Alabama ?”, he asked quizzically in that hissing echoing Vader voice. “Sounds fishy, Why not Goodhope, Betterhope, or even Besthope?”
Right off I knew he was into superlatives or unusual city names. I said, “I guess the founders of the city were uncertain of their future. But those names were taken anyway.”
“What do you mean?”, he hiss- challenged.
“Well Goodhope is in Louisiana, Betterhope is in Guyana and Besthope, I was told, was in England. So I guess that ‘Fair‘ was the only Hope prefix alternative at the time in order to be original.“
He accepted the explanation and let me off with a warning and my promise to have the tail light repaired.
This triggered the thought …… what if this geographically challenged patroller of the highway had stopped certain well known people and their home town elicited provocative associations . For instance: would he question Billy Graham if he came from Fearnot (PA) or Blissville (VT)? And how about Sylvester Stallone were he from Rambo Spring (CA) or Chicken (AK); Pete Fountain from Bald Head (ME) or Buddha (IN); how about Charlton Heston as a resident of Gunbarrel City (CO) or Ben Hur (TX); Stephen King from Kill Devil Hills (NC) or River Styx (OH); and what if Boris Karloff had as his home town Frankenstein (MO) or Eek (AK); Hugh Grant from Hooker (AR) or Bruce Willis from Rough and Ready (CA). Well would he?
Could Clint Eastwood be the man from No Name (CO), Shaquille O’Neal from Big Foot (TX), John Travolta live in Disco (TN), or Dean Ornish from Forks of Salmon (CA)? How about Nathan Lane from Gays (IL), Bill Clinton of Loveladies (NJ), Stephen Forbes from Magazine (AR), Robin Williams coming from Odd (WV), Charlie Brown out of Good Grief (ID), and Minnie Pearl from Yeehaw Junction (FL). And let’s not forget Lorina Bobbitt all the way from Cut Off (LA).
And you need not to have been a celebrity to get my troopers attention if you came from Toad Suck (AR), Lollipop (TX), Lizard Lick (NC), Okay (OK), Peculiar (MO), Normal (IL), Boring (OR), Belcher (NY), Belchertown (MA), Porkey (PA), Roachtown (IL), Panic (PA), Romance (AR), Lawyersville (NY), Uncertain (TX), Dull (OH), or Happy (TX).
So, in light of all the places I could have been from, in my dream, the name Fairhope seems kind of tame compared to some of those unusual names. I’ll stick with tame, and be thankful for it. *
Around the world with no passport
On the same theme of unique and/or odd city names one can travel the world and never leave the United States. In that way we would all benefit by circulating dollars in the various local economies.
Some examples: Stay in Alabama and visit Madrid, Florence, Geneva, and Athens; see Oslo and Naples in Florida; visit Venice, Algiers and Copenhagen in Louisiana; in California go to Dublin, Monaco, and San Marino; when in New York drop by Rome and Troy; Vermont offers Jerusalem, Egypt, and Moscow; Montana has Glasgow and Belgrade; Texas is host to Paris and Odessa; Pennsylvania is proud of Bethlehem, Nazareth, Liverpool, and Limerick; while Arkansas is home for Belfast, Greenland, and Hamburg; and Tennessee boasts Lebanon, Carthage, Manchester, and Sparta.
Just think, you can leave home, go to exotic (and maybe not so exotic) places and never have to cross a border or have to show an ID. Couch potatoes welcome.
*All the above locations are real and any resemblance to them and the named personalities are purely coincidental.
Do not condemn the judgment of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong. DandemisPhilosopher

9/21/05
Headlines I’d Like to See
Tri-O's oddities, observations, and opinions by Herb Kandel

It seems that all of my life the only news that screams for the largest type on the front page of newspapers are those of disaster, death, disease, war, worry, and woes. Yes, I know the old adage that it’s not news when a dog bites a man but vice versa . However, if had my druthers here are some headlines that I would love to read over my morning coffee in my lifetime:
Cure for Cancer Found. ….Scientists develop vaccine that stops cancer cell reproduction and eradicates existing ones.
Troops Home…….Stability prevails over the Middle East.
National Deficit Turns Positive …….Federal Income tax suspended for three years.
Grammy Awarded to Song with Melody …..Understandable lyric a contributor.
Chocolate Found To Be Secret To Longevity……..Hershey’s now on food pyramid.
Alabama Ranks First In Scholastics……….Miss. And La. tied for third.
Bay Bears Join MLB Expansion …….Hank Aaron new Commissioner of Baseball. Gulf Coast Celebrates 5th Hurricane Free Year…….Insurance companies lower premiums.
Mobile Election A Landslide ….. Mayor-elect a nominee for Nobel Peace Prize.
Gulf Shores Nixes Condos Over 110 Floors….. Cites Orange Beach as example of Cities Gone Wild.
The Haven in Fairhope Recipient Of Gates Foundation Grant……… “No Kill” Organization buys 90 acres, to accommodate large animals also.
Customer Service Call Center Admits “Your Call Is Not Important To Us”…..Long time hoax revealed by New Deli whistle-blower.
Wal-Mart Defers to Fairhope’s Wishes Not To Build ……. C.E.O. Says, “Money Is Not Everything”
GOP and Dems Select New Orleans To Host 2008 Presidential Conventions…….Each vie to be there first….right
And Some I would not care to see:
The Michael Jackson Home for Wayward Boys Dedicated
Prince Charles and Camilla parents of new born heir Chazilla
Social Security Subsidized By Bingo
Texas Hold ‘Em Declared National Pastime
Montgomery Renamed Jamestown--James Brothers and Dad Fob Content


Some thoughts on Katrina and its aftermath: Seems that The City That Care Forgot was also forgotten by FEMA. We may finally see some French in the French Quarter as the aircraft carrier "Charles de Gaulle" travels to the Gulf of Mexico to help in relief efforts. It is about time for some payback from La Belle, and it’s good that their troops don’t have to storm the beach at Lake Pontchartrain as our G.I.’s had to do at Normandy.
Even Thailand offered to return some of the tsunami money to aid and it’s been reported that the working girls of Thailand said that if the US Air Force could get them to New Orleans they would like to give free massages to the relief workers in thanks for the tsunami help. “When asked if they would need translators, a spokeswoman for the girls said, ‘No, all we need to know how to say is’ “what type of massage you like". Forget the money and other aid supplies for that’s what I call “hands on” relief.