2/18/09

Heart felt belated Valentines

Tri-O's
Oddities, observations, and opinions by Herb Kandel


That time of year was here again last week when flower shops, along with candy and greeting card counters experienced their busiest time of year. (So, guys, forget about getting a vacuum cleaner or analog to digital converter box as tokens of affection for your “special someone”) As usual the leading non-chocolate Valentine’s Day candy will probably be NECCO (New England Confectionery Company). They have been making Sweethearts ® Conversation Hearts since the Civil War and continue to manufacture eight billion hearts each year. Each year they introduce 10 new sayings all printed in upper case. Here are some suggested candy heart imprints that some folks might have considered presenting to their designated recipient:

Obama to McCain: PLEASE, REQUEST A RECOUNT
McCain to Obama: YOU ASKED FOR IT!

Obama to Bill Clinton: GOT STIMULUS?
Bill Clinton to Obama: NO STIMULUS NEEDED!

Hillary to Bill: I'M NO. 4 IN LINE
Bill to Hillary: WHO SQUEALED ON ME?

AARP to Stump (10 year old Westminster “Best in Show” winner”): WE DID IT! WE DID IT!
Stump to AARP: WHERE’S MY GERIATRIC KIBBLES?

A-Rod to Barry Bonds: #1 POSITIVE MVP
Barry Bonds to A-Rod: WAS THERE - DONE THAT

Brad Pitt to Angelina: LET’S KID AROUND
Angelina to Brad: SIX IS ENOUGH

Gov. Crist to Gov. Riley: A JUICEY WIN
Gov. Riley to Gov. Crist: JUST RIBBING
(Re: wager between governors on SEC Championship--If Alabama won, Governor Crist to send a box of Florida oranges. If the Gators won, Governor Riley to ship a rack of ribs. Score: Gators clinched win 31-20).

Merrill Lynch to Treasury: BONUSES ARE DESERVED
Treasury to Merrill Lynch: SURE, HOW MUCH?

Bill O’Reilly to Rush Limbaugh: I'M RIGHT
Rush Limbaugh to Bill O’Reilly: I’M MORE RIGHTER
Keith Olbermann to Bill and Rush: WORSTEST PERSONS IN THE WORLD!

Warren Buffett to Bill Gates: BUY LOW SELL HIGH
Bill Gates to Warren Buffett: BOUGHT LOWER SOLD HIGHER
Bernie Madeoff to Bill and Warren: BOUGHT SCHMORT -THAT’S FOR FONZIE,
AS FOR ME I’LL GO WITH PONZI

Ford to Hyundai: NOTHING COMPARES TO FORD’S GREAT FUSION
Hyundai to Ford: AH, SO - HAVE YOU NOT SEEN THE HYUNDAI TUCSON?

Conan O’Brien to Jay Leno: THANKS FOR THE “TONIGHT” GIG
Jay Leno to Conan O’Brien: IT’S NOT MY FAULT - BLAME MY ILLITERATE AGENT

McDonald’s to Burger King: WE WANT A McSTIMULUS TOO
Burger King to McDonald’s: NO, YOU CAN”T HAVE IT YOUR WAY
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From sublime castle to most humble barn, the following were garnered from hither and yon. There’s no need to worry and no need to fret, the below was gleaned from the internet.
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The Duke of Orleans, during the Battle of Agincourt sent his wife a rhyming love letter, from his prison cell in the Tower of London. Many believe that sending poems on this day originated with him. The most universal poems are the ones starting ‘Roses are Red’ because the -eu- sound of ‘blue’ rhymes with ‘you’ .
Here are few more notable ones:

Roses are red, Violets are blue, If you can do better I'm challenging you.
“ “ “ “ “ “ , I'm trying to remember where I got this tattoo.
“ “ “ “ “ " , You know I'm allergic. I'm going to sue.
“ “ “ “ “ “ , Your cheeks are sticky With tiramasu.
“ “ “ “ “ “ , Of course I love you, and someone else too.
“ “ “ “ “ “ , I've learned that square roots Are exponents times two
“ “ “ “ “ “ , I'm schizophrenic, And so am I

Then there is the one from a love unrequited: Roses are red, violets are blue /You actually thought I would cry over you? / I told you I loved you, you thought it was true, /Well guess what player? I played you too!

And this scientific entity:
Roses reflect light at 700 nanometers /Violets reflect light at 480 nanometers /
The phenylpropanoid pathway makes the responsible
pigments, / usually to attract insect pollinators

Now some striking two line cute non-sequiturs about love:

I thought that I could love no other, /that is, until I met your brother!
What inspired this amorous rhyme? / Two parts vodka, one part lime.
I see your face when I am dreaming / That's why I always wake up screaming
Those words I spoke were true and grand / When said "I love U2"? I meant the BAND.
To tell you what you mean to me / Would get me bleeped on live TV
Beauty is on the inside, but some may doubt, / If it's true, I'd much prefer you inside out.
You are my sun, my moon, my star / I long to see you... from afar.

A final thought - Without love, what are we worth? Eighty-nine cents! Eighty-nine cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely.
Hawkeye, M.A.S.H.

http://www.baldwincountynow.com/articles/2009/02/21/columnists/doc499b408d87460784024763.txt

2/4/09

Thinking Out Loud In The Silence

Tri-O’s
Oddities, Observations, and Opinions By Herb Kandel


Here is another of an occasional meandering writing of ricocheting thoughts that flash randomly inside one’s skull during the quiet wee hours before sleep sometimes turns them into dreams.

• If you want to hear the correct pronunciation of words listen to Paul Harvey. He seems to take extra pains in his enunciation. The same can be said when you listen to a song sung by Frank Sinatra.
• To exercise my mind after seeing one TV ad after another on the commercial breaks, it is hard to remember the one that came before the one that’s playing, or the one that preceded it. Is it just me?
• Some jeans manufacturers are offering the pants with button front flys instead of zippers. Everything old is new again.
• Do you wonder what your dog is thinking when they rest their head on your knee and gaze up adoringly?
• Speaking of dogs : one of the funniest cartoons I’ve seen is where a high heeled women is standing before her open front door with outstretched arms in greeting to a smiling, wagging tail dog. The balloon above the dog’s head pictures his vision of an open lidded can of dog food atop a pair of high-heeled shoes.
• I wonder if Dave Letterman will continue his Presidential Speech pieces with our new president?
• I tried the new converter analog to digital box on a non-cable TV . It provides a lot more options and channels but with a lot of duplication.
• It seems we read more and more about Alzheimer's patients and children with Autism wandering away. If retail stores can put security tags on inexpensive items such as clothing and CDs to prevent them from leaving the premises unpaid why not provide similar bracelets or anklets to alert caregivers when these folks go beyond a designated perimeter?
• Someone once asked, “Have you ever disliked someone for being luckier or more successful than you?”. I can positively answer “No” as a friend of mine won a recent Powerball Lottery. My wish for him and his family is to enjoy it’s benefits and use it wisely.
• New Orleans has its’ posh and elegant dining establishments, but for pure delicious comfort food you can’t beat the roast beef po’ boys at most of the neighborhood eateries.
• Have you noticed nearly all clothing with the word “American” as a label or brand is manufactured outside the U.S. , i.e., Mexico, Pakistan, China, Sri Lanka, Indonesia, etc..
• Valentine was a priest who performed secret marriages against the emperors wishes ( he could not raise an army as husbands refused to leave their wives) and was sentenced to death. Before his execution on February 14 in the year 269, he sent the jailer’s daughter a note of thanks signed, “Love from your Valentine.” And that’s how it all started.
• I found out that Valentine’s Day is NOT the most popular day to prompt proposals. Christmas and New Year’s Eve have the most knee bending.
• Have you noticed credit card statements seem to come in later each month thus shortening the time of when they becomes due?
• Watching the movie “The Curious case of Benjamin Button” your mind has to constantly shift back and forth to grasp the time sequences as he ages backwards from senility to infancy. One would think that it would end with cell division.
• Ken Follett’s new massive (over 900 pages) best-seller book, “World Without End”, is a “Gone With The Wind” epic that’s set in the 1300’s.
• Will new Monopoly games come with a ‘Bailout’ card?
  
• With the exception of Super Bowl III (Joe Namath, Jets 16 - Colts 7) the last two Super Bowls have been the most dramatic and lived up to the hype.

And now, at last, to sleep.

http://www.baldwincountynow.com/articles/2009/02/07/columnists/doc4988a76b382b4322643220.txt