7/25/09
Celestial Perspectives .... Again
Tri-O's
Oddities, observations, and opinions By Herb Kandel
Here we are again observing the roundtable in the sky where four legendary guests from the past sit and schmooze. We hover above the celestial caucus where we listen in on the spirited conversation of the participants utilizing their diverse backgrounds, knowledge, intellect, and experience from their times to critique and conjecture as they exchange ideas on contemporary issues. Let’s see who’s there and eavesdrop on their conversation, as we have done in the past.
Seated around the table are: Giacomo Casanova, a writer, adventurer, spy, and renowned “kiss and tell” womanizer; Charles Dickens, English novelist whose works have never gone out of print; Mae West, star actress, screenwriter, master/mistress of double-entendres; and Pinoccio, the wooden puppet longing to become a real boy, a fictional character created by Carlo Collodi.
Casanova: I see that there are more flare-ups in the U.S. Political world about the dalliances of some elected officials. In my day such affairs would have been taken for granted and merely gossiped about at court. Was it like that in your time, Charles?
Dickens: It was the best of times, it was the worst of times as this was the Victorian Era. We experienced a long period of prosperity even though we had wars in the Crimea and later the Boer War. Indubitably there were royal intrigues but I chose to concentrate on the plights of the poor and the reformation of labor conditions, especially those of children.
West: Charlie, there may have been a bad set of circumstances at that time, but between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
Pinoccio: I remember when I was a performer in a puppet show. I was forced to perform and was held prisoner in a birdcage. I’d still be there if I wasn’t saved by Jiminy Cricket and the Blue Fairy. I was the very best top super star of that show [nose grows longer].
Casanova: My parents were both actors as was I. Because of my gambling debts I was imprisoned but there was no Blue Fairy to rescue me.
West: For the record, I’ve got a record. I was sentenced to 10 days in jail on obscenity charges. Would you believe I was out in eight for good behavior? Me! Who said, When I'm good I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better.
Dickens: Strange, my father was sent to debtor’s prison and I performed in many plays as well as doing my stage readings on tour. We all may be kindred spirits despite our many differences.
Pinoccio: Differences? I’ll say! Before I became a real boy, I was only wood and does your nose grow when you tell a lie?
West: Oh! And here I thought it was just because you were glad to see me.
Casanova: You jest, but this nose growth should be an attribute imposed on every politician. Then you could vote for those who are able to don a pull-over sweater with ease.
Dickens: Indeed sir, most politicians are pompous and spend most of the time speaking sentences with no meaning in them. One need look no further than most recent times at some past presidents, governors, and senators.
West: Chuck, we all know you’ve had your flings, but were more discreet; Casanovas’ exploits are well known; and our lumber lad here has no strings but he can make tooth-picks. As for me I say to gals everywhere- Don't let a man put anything over on you except an umbrella.
Pinoccio: Hey, that lumber gibe hurt!
West: Sorry, my little chickadee nest.
Pinoccio: If every politician had Jiminy Cricket as their official conscience they would not need oversight committees and special prosecutors.
Casanova: Bravo! We could then appoint a Commissioner of Love to make everyone happy and let Nature take it‘S course.
Dickens: Gracious, sir! That is what caused the scandals!
Casanova: Ah, yes! Then everyone would see that it is inevitable and accept it
West: That is what I’ve been saying for a long time, that love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.
Pinoccio: Pardon me, I may have a wooden brain, but didn’t we go full circle from condemning extra-marital affairs to now condoning and even encouraging them?
Casanova and West: So?
Dickens: Oh, my! Then we will have little great expectations about future leadership deportment?
West: Right on, Chuckie! It all started with Adam and Eve because it takes two to get one in trouble.
Casanova: I have done and been many things in my lifetime: a lawyer, clergyman, secretary, soldier, spy, actor, the person who introduced the lottery, manufacturer, writer, and violinist. With all these achievements I am remembered only for my adventures with women as lover extraordinaire. So it just goes to show that history has a selective memory and that people will recall only the peccadilloes rather than their accomplishments.
West: What is, is, big boy and that’s how it always was. And you, my little wood-pecker friend, can come up and see me sometime; and don’t be afraid to tell lies.
Pinoccio: Boy! And I thought I was the only woodenhead!!
