12/19/07
Chestnuts roasting @ I-musinf
Tri-O's
Oddities, observations, and opinions
By Herb Kandel
Music, especially this time of year, evokes special memories. Here we are in the era of cyberspace where information is a click away. Why not combine the two as a sort of “do it yourself” to start a new a new tradition of music and information, let’s call it “I-musinf”
We all know that Mel Torme and Bob Welles wrote “The Christmas Song” and Nat “King” Cole delivered the classic vocal rendition. Well, now we too can sing along knowing not only the lyrics but also how to grasp the unembellished quintessence of them. As you read, sing, or hum along remember that each link listed is a live one so keep your speakers on as we recall the familiar melody:
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire
How to roast chestnuts: www.ehow.com/how_9918_roast-chestnuts-open.html
Jack Frost nipping at your nose
Frostbite prevention: www.surviveoutdoors.com/reference/frostbite.asp
Yule-tide carols being sung by a choir
Learn choir songs: www.choirsongs.net/
And folks dressed up like Eskimos.
Eskimo costumes: www.yandy.com/Eskimo-Cutie.php
Everybody knows a turkey
Turkey nutrition : www.nebraskapoultry.org/turkey_nutrition.htm
And some mistletoe
How mistletoe works: www.christmas.howstuffworks.com/mistletoe1.htm
Help to make the season bright
Where to get Christmas lights: www.christmaslightsetc.com/
Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow
How eyes shine? www.geocities.com/Area51/Stargate/5103/wildman/eye.htm
Will find it hard to sleep tonight.
Sleeping aids: www.mayoclinic.com/health/sleeping-pills/SL00010
They know that Santa's on his way
Trace Santa’s route: www.earth.google.com/santa/
He's loaded lots of toys
Santa toy factory: www.santafty.com/
And goodies on his sleigh
Jingle bells on a sleigh ride: www.horsesforhire.net/sleigh.htm
And every mother's child is gonna spy
Obtain spy and security items: www.spyitems.com/
To see if reindeer
A guide to reindeer information: www.reindeer.ws/info.htm
Really know how to fly.
Learn to fly: www.beapilot.com/
And so I'm offering this simple phrase
The blue book of grammar and punctuation: www.grammarbook.com/
To kids from one to ninety-two
Child development: www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/
Growing and learning: www.suddenlysenior.com/
Although it's been said
Everyday sayings explained: www.brochuresonline.net/sayings/
Many times, many ways
High frequency words: www.eduplace.com/rdg/res/frequent.html
Merry Christmas to you.
Merry Christmas in over 360 languages: www.flw.com/merry.htm
So, however you may celebrate the Holiday Season we wish it to be safe, joyous, and harmonious .….. as well as informative.
CLICK
As a special treat, hear Nat Cole and view a montage of the song:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=IaxDGfA7evA
To see and hear Nat Cole himself: www.youtube.com/watch?v=6oj3jixMGaw
P.S. And, alas, this Christmas stress survival guide may come in handy: www.hubpages.com/hub/Holiday-Stress-Survival-Guide
http://www.baldwincountynow.com/articles/2007/12/19/columnists/doc4768282d1988c232582392.txt
Friday, December 21, 2007
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
12/5;07
Miracles 101, Again
Tri-O's oddities, observations, and opinions By Herb Kandel
Well here we are again, the time of year when we share the Holidays with family and other loved ones. And also the time we hear of Christmas miracles. Positive outcomes from dismal beginnings with unaccounted explanations as to how they occurred. Sometimes we credit a higher power and sometimes just plain luck for the intervention. But there are those who can attribute their ³miracle² to their personal efforts. Here are a few examples.
On a hot August day in 1982 Thomas Chen landed at Kennedy Airport. It was a long flight from Taiwan for the 27 year old. With little cash, he knew only one person in this new land, and he spoke no English. Fast forward 25 years: Chen is president and one of the co-founders of Crystal Window & Door Systems which booked $62 million in sales and has some 450 employees working at offices in eight states it is one of the top 60 manufacturers of replacement and new construction vinyl and aluminum window and door products in North America. How did this happen?
It took him two weeks before he landed the job for a moving company. Within a month he was studying English. First with adult classes then spending his wages on private tutoring and group classes. As his language skills improved so did his employment. As a former metal worker in Taiwan, who had never been to college, he decided to invest his savings on what he knew: welding.
He formed steel into window bars and gates in his basement apartment, then sold the safety devices to local customers in Chinatown and Flushing. He continued to read and studied business management. In 1987 he, with two partners took the plunge by starting Crystal. He also believes in "giving back". Crystal provides free English classes for employees. He also has given a local Community College an endowment to provide scholarships so immigrants can enroll in the school's English classes for free.
Then there was the lady who was a single mother on welfare. It was 1993, the flat where she lived was unheated and rife with mice. She was fighting poverty and depression. So she nursed espresso at the café at the rate of two hours a cup as she wrote in the notebook while the baby slept in the carriage. The idea for the story came to her on a delayed train while going to London three years before, it would take four more years before the idea became a book.
She submitted the manuscript to three British publishers only to receive rejection slips. A fourth publisher signed her up and it was published under her initials because they feared that boys would be put off if they knew it was written by a woman. That was how J.K. Rowling got "Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone" into U.S. print in 1998. More books followed as well as the enchanted movies. Her wealth soared like a wizard on a broomstick. It is reported that Rowling is now worth $444 million -- more than the Queen of England.
A hot cup of coffee spills in your lap. What to do?
Solution 1: Sue and collect damages just like the Grandma Vs. McDonald's.
Solution 2: Find a better way to solve the problem and profit by it.
When Jay Sorensen¹s company left town he dabbled in real estate, he "wasn't very good at it." Sorensen was doing his best to support his family and looking for more ways. The "eureka" moment came when he spilled coffee and chose Solution 2.
He observed that coffee-house customers were holding the cups between their thumb and forefingers to avoid burning their hands. Sorensen's solution? A sleeve that would fit around the coffee cups. He developed the idea, then offered it to Starbucks. They wanted exclusive rights and were stalling in making a decision. So Sorensen took it on his own. He scraped together finances to found his company, Java Jacket, hire a patent attorney, and had 100,000 coffee cup jackets made from waffled, recycled cardboard.
Sorensen returned to the cafe where he had originally spilled the coffee. While waiting for the owner he read about a coffee trade show to be held a week later. He had no money to attend. The cafe owner was his first sale. The money was used to attend the trade show, where he got 150 orders. He followed that up with hand-written notes and a sample sleeve to the other 3,500 trade-show attendees. Sales of this family-owned company is now between 20-25 million sleeves a month, to local cafes to national chains.
According to FORBES magazine "Almost two-thirds of the world's 946 billionaires made their fortunes from scratch, relying on grit and determination, and not good genes."
Or waiting for miracles.
http://www.baldwincountynow.com/articles/2007/12/05/columnists/doc4755d47be1a04155602953.txt
Miracles 101, Again
Tri-O's oddities, observations, and opinions By Herb Kandel
Well here we are again, the time of year when we share the Holidays with family and other loved ones. And also the time we hear of Christmas miracles. Positive outcomes from dismal beginnings with unaccounted explanations as to how they occurred. Sometimes we credit a higher power and sometimes just plain luck for the intervention. But there are those who can attribute their ³miracle² to their personal efforts. Here are a few examples.
On a hot August day in 1982 Thomas Chen landed at Kennedy Airport. It was a long flight from Taiwan for the 27 year old. With little cash, he knew only one person in this new land, and he spoke no English. Fast forward 25 years: Chen is president and one of the co-founders of Crystal Window & Door Systems which booked $62 million in sales and has some 450 employees working at offices in eight states it is one of the top 60 manufacturers of replacement and new construction vinyl and aluminum window and door products in North America. How did this happen?
It took him two weeks before he landed the job for a moving company. Within a month he was studying English. First with adult classes then spending his wages on private tutoring and group classes. As his language skills improved so did his employment. As a former metal worker in Taiwan, who had never been to college, he decided to invest his savings on what he knew: welding.
He formed steel into window bars and gates in his basement apartment, then sold the safety devices to local customers in Chinatown and Flushing. He continued to read and studied business management. In 1987 he, with two partners took the plunge by starting Crystal. He also believes in "giving back". Crystal provides free English classes for employees. He also has given a local Community College an endowment to provide scholarships so immigrants can enroll in the school's English classes for free.
Then there was the lady who was a single mother on welfare. It was 1993, the flat where she lived was unheated and rife with mice. She was fighting poverty and depression. So she nursed espresso at the café at the rate of two hours a cup as she wrote in the notebook while the baby slept in the carriage. The idea for the story came to her on a delayed train while going to London three years before, it would take four more years before the idea became a book.
She submitted the manuscript to three British publishers only to receive rejection slips. A fourth publisher signed her up and it was published under her initials because they feared that boys would be put off if they knew it was written by a woman. That was how J.K. Rowling got "Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone" into U.S. print in 1998. More books followed as well as the enchanted movies. Her wealth soared like a wizard on a broomstick. It is reported that Rowling is now worth $444 million -- more than the Queen of England.
A hot cup of coffee spills in your lap. What to do?
Solution 1: Sue and collect damages just like the Grandma Vs. McDonald's.
Solution 2: Find a better way to solve the problem and profit by it.
When Jay Sorensen¹s company left town he dabbled in real estate, he "wasn't very good at it." Sorensen was doing his best to support his family and looking for more ways. The "eureka" moment came when he spilled coffee and chose Solution 2.
He observed that coffee-house customers were holding the cups between their thumb and forefingers to avoid burning their hands. Sorensen's solution? A sleeve that would fit around the coffee cups. He developed the idea, then offered it to Starbucks. They wanted exclusive rights and were stalling in making a decision. So Sorensen took it on his own. He scraped together finances to found his company, Java Jacket, hire a patent attorney, and had 100,000 coffee cup jackets made from waffled, recycled cardboard.
Sorensen returned to the cafe where he had originally spilled the coffee. While waiting for the owner he read about a coffee trade show to be held a week later. He had no money to attend. The cafe owner was his first sale. The money was used to attend the trade show, where he got 150 orders. He followed that up with hand-written notes and a sample sleeve to the other 3,500 trade-show attendees. Sales of this family-owned company is now between 20-25 million sleeves a month, to local cafes to national chains.
According to FORBES magazine "Almost two-thirds of the world's 946 billionaires made their fortunes from scratch, relying on grit and determination, and not good genes."
Or waiting for miracles.
http://www.baldwincountynow.com/articles/2007/12/05/columnists/doc4755d47be1a04155602953.txt
Friday, November 23, 2007
11/21/07
When Biscuits met Gravy
Tri-O's oddities, observations, and opinions
by Herb Kandel
Perhaps you’ve forgotten the story. It happened in November 2004 at about this time of year. It was in all the newspapers and TV. But I can’t fault you for not remembering…..so many other things were happening like Afghanistan, Iraq, the economy, and blow-out bargains at stores (so….what else is new?). It all began with President Harry Truman back in 1947. Now, it’s not everyday that one gets to meet the president of the United States in person, especially those from such humble beginnings. But I’m getting ahead of myself. So, let me tell you how this particular meeting came about.
They came from a small farm in the town of Mahias, West Virginia. It was a large family. The first difficulty encountered when entering the world was learning how to drink and swallow. It was no easy task to master. The process in achieving this was fraught with danger. Were it not for those nurturing hands of those caring for them at the time, they would no longer be here. Because they were so fragile the temperature had to be carefully controlled ; too hot and they had a fit of panting, too cold led to uncontrollable shivers and possible smothering. Because of their skin condition they were susceptible to other maladies such as external parasites. Later ramps were necessary for them to gain room access. They overcame each obstacle and became healthier because of it as they grew. Even their food had to be prepared in precise nutritional proportions to aid in their well being and proper growth. And grow they did.
Everyone pitched in with the work and the days were long. They had small creature comforts but nothing elaborate, ornate, or expensive. It was not easy going, for at times when production was down and there were more mouths to feed they divided everything equally. There was a complete lack of privacy as many had to share the frugal surroundings, but there was never a time they went hungry or suffered from lack of supervision. In fact they were kept under constant surveillance for monitoring as well as their own protection. Because of the past traditions, recommended care, and circumstances both felt that they could never “spread their wings”, so to speak.
Not many long survive the rigors of such beginnings for most become just another statistic on federal reports and items on a grocery list to get checked off. But as fate would have it, through extra special attention such as the hand feeding of their supervised diet, being coddled by caring individuals, and not having to tolerate the grit and gravel of the usual existence, they prospered. So much so that they not only gained in health, and stature but also in prestige among their peers. They were now the leaders in the pecking order of things.
Thanksgiving time was approaching. It was a long standing tradition that the major caretaker had to go among the many offspring to make a selection as to who this year would be invited to the White House dinner. All the siblings flocked around him when he entered their space. Most were deserving and eager to be selected, but there were some dumb clucks who could not care a feather of a fig if it was them. But choices had to be made and they were.
In 1947 the first National Thanksgiving Turkey was presented to President Harry Truman and this marked the 57th anniversary of the event. President Lincoln and other presidents intermittently received live turkeys but not in an official presentation. This was how, in 2004, President Bush and the First Lady officially met Biscuits and Gravy.
They were 22 weeks old, broad-breasted, and each weighed about 40 pounds. As mentioned they were periodically hand fed a careful diet of corn and soybeans along with a continuous source of fresh water. A lot of human interaction was provided in order for them to be “properly presented” during the Rose Garden ceremony. In fact they did so well that they were granted a Presidential “pardon”. The reason two are chosen is just in case one becomes ill and cannot participate, just like the “First Runner-Up “ in a pageant.
After the “pardon” Biscuits and Gravy retired to a replica 1930’s farm, Kidwell Farm in Frying Pan Park, Fairfax County, Virginia. There they joined all the Thanksgiving Day Turkeys and their alternates of the past 15 years, received a lot of attention at this petting zoo and molted happily ever after.
So now we are thankful that these “birds on the land are better off than those two in the Bushes”
Happy Thanksgiving
www.baldwincountynow.com/articles/2007/11/23/columnists/doc474217ad5fdf5185561221.txt
When Biscuits met Gravy
Tri-O's oddities, observations, and opinions
by Herb Kandel
Perhaps you’ve forgotten the story. It happened in November 2004 at about this time of year. It was in all the newspapers and TV. But I can’t fault you for not remembering…..so many other things were happening like Afghanistan, Iraq, the economy, and blow-out bargains at stores (so….what else is new?). It all began with President Harry Truman back in 1947. Now, it’s not everyday that one gets to meet the president of the United States in person, especially those from such humble beginnings. But I’m getting ahead of myself. So, let me tell you how this particular meeting came about.
They came from a small farm in the town of Mahias, West Virginia. It was a large family. The first difficulty encountered when entering the world was learning how to drink and swallow. It was no easy task to master. The process in achieving this was fraught with danger. Were it not for those nurturing hands of those caring for them at the time, they would no longer be here. Because they were so fragile the temperature had to be carefully controlled ; too hot and they had a fit of panting, too cold led to uncontrollable shivers and possible smothering. Because of their skin condition they were susceptible to other maladies such as external parasites. Later ramps were necessary for them to gain room access. They overcame each obstacle and became healthier because of it as they grew. Even their food had to be prepared in precise nutritional proportions to aid in their well being and proper growth. And grow they did.
Everyone pitched in with the work and the days were long. They had small creature comforts but nothing elaborate, ornate, or expensive. It was not easy going, for at times when production was down and there were more mouths to feed they divided everything equally. There was a complete lack of privacy as many had to share the frugal surroundings, but there was never a time they went hungry or suffered from lack of supervision. In fact they were kept under constant surveillance for monitoring as well as their own protection. Because of the past traditions, recommended care, and circumstances both felt that they could never “spread their wings”, so to speak.
Not many long survive the rigors of such beginnings for most become just another statistic on federal reports and items on a grocery list to get checked off. But as fate would have it, through extra special attention such as the hand feeding of their supervised diet, being coddled by caring individuals, and not having to tolerate the grit and gravel of the usual existence, they prospered. So much so that they not only gained in health, and stature but also in prestige among their peers. They were now the leaders in the pecking order of things.
Thanksgiving time was approaching. It was a long standing tradition that the major caretaker had to go among the many offspring to make a selection as to who this year would be invited to the White House dinner. All the siblings flocked around him when he entered their space. Most were deserving and eager to be selected, but there were some dumb clucks who could not care a feather of a fig if it was them. But choices had to be made and they were.
In 1947 the first National Thanksgiving Turkey was presented to President Harry Truman and this marked the 57th anniversary of the event. President Lincoln and other presidents intermittently received live turkeys but not in an official presentation. This was how, in 2004, President Bush and the First Lady officially met Biscuits and Gravy.
They were 22 weeks old, broad-breasted, and each weighed about 40 pounds. As mentioned they were periodically hand fed a careful diet of corn and soybeans along with a continuous source of fresh water. A lot of human interaction was provided in order for them to be “properly presented” during the Rose Garden ceremony. In fact they did so well that they were granted a Presidential “pardon”. The reason two are chosen is just in case one becomes ill and cannot participate, just like the “First Runner-Up “ in a pageant.
After the “pardon” Biscuits and Gravy retired to a replica 1930’s farm, Kidwell Farm in Frying Pan Park, Fairfax County, Virginia. There they joined all the Thanksgiving Day Turkeys and their alternates of the past 15 years, received a lot of attention at this petting zoo and molted happily ever after.
So now we are thankful that these “birds on the land are better off than those two in the Bushes”
Happy Thanksgiving
www.baldwincountynow.com/articles/2007/11/23/columnists/doc474217ad5fdf5185561221.txt
Friday, November 09, 2007
11/7/07
A Long And Winding Road
Tri-O's Oddities, observations, and opinions
By Herb Kandel
It was only six months after the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor. On June 3, 1942 their aircraft struck again at the U.S. Installations at Dutch Harbor in the Aleutian Island Chain. Yes, the same Dutch Harbor from which those vessels launch to catch the Alaskan king crabs (that we see on “The Deadliest Catch”, airing on The Discovery Channel). The Japanese also captured Attu Island and Kiska. Not since the War of 1812 had American territory been occupied by an enemy. It took a year of fierce fighting costing many lives to recapture those territories.
The military had realized the threat of such an invasion through Alaska. For had the Japanese established a base near Anchorage the whole of Alaska would be at peril, “and thus place great pressure upon cities like Seattle, Portland and Vancouver..…..the invasion from Asia was underway” said James A. Michener in his novel “Alaska” .
Three months before the Dutch Harbor attack the U.S. Army had started construction of a road that could transport troops, food, and supplies to tactical points in Alaska. On March 8, 1942 the first shovel was turned into what was to become the Alcan Highway. It was an awesome undertaking. Again, Michener in his description about one of the men involved in the road’s creation writes, “July and August 1942were the closest to hell that he would experience on this earth, for his fifteen-and sixteen hour days were spent in an exhausting routine: drive through that copse of trees in a straight line, flattening evergreens big enough to produce spars for ships, attach wire ropes to stumps and yank them out, push in topsoil from the surrounding areas, level the whole, ride back and forth in the interminable dust to compact the surface, fight mosquitoes all day long and especially at night, to eat lousy food………..[then] finish off four miles before turning in to an exhausted but sometimes sleepless night.”
It took more than 10,000 U.S. Troops in cooperation with Canadian troops and independent contractors to complete this remarkable engineering task. Among those soldiers were four units of the Army's Black Corps of Engineers. They made up over 1/3 of the U.S. Troops but ironically were first considered unfit for these duties because most were from the South and were thought incapable of working in the northern frigid temperatures. When the highway was complete, many were decorated for their efforts and achievements and then transferred to active duty in Europe and the South Pacific. The Army's Black Corps of Engineers were members of the 93rd, 95th, 97th and 388th units.
Eight month and twelve days from that first shovel-full of soil the Alaskan-Canadian (Alcan) Highway was dedicated. This November 21st marks the 65th anniversary of the official dedication. During it’s completion it took the lives of 22 men, and seven airplanes attempting to deliver supplies had crashed. There were numerous and severe injuries for each mile laid. In 1946 the Canadian portion of the highway was transferred to Canada.
It is now spans 1520 miles. Mile 0 is in Dawson Creek, BC, and it leads in a northwesterly direction through Yukon Territory to mile 1520 at Fairbanks, AK. There are 1,190 miles in Canada. It is also connects to the Pan-American Highway system, which means you can drive from Fairbanks to Ushuia (near Cape Horn) at the tip of Argentina. According to Wickipedia “29,800 miles in total length. Except for a 54 MI. Rainforest gap, the road links the mainland nations of the Americas in a connected highway system. According to The Guinness Book of World Records, the Pan-American Highway is the world's longest 'motorable road' "
In June of 1943 the Army Signal Corps completed the radio-telephone line which linked Washington, D.C. To Alaska. It’s 2,000 mile long extension would make it the longest communication system of its kind in the world at that time.
So now we have a long and winding roar that is eligible for Social Security. And just as any senior citizen can attest some days can be creamy smooth while others are rocky road. Almost all of the two-lane highway is surfaced with asphalt but don’t expect to put your cruise control at 65. Some stretches are narrow and curvy missing ample shoulders and at times center lines. Lots of loose gravel can star windshields and “corrugated” areas where “frost heaves” occurred will put a stammer in your speech as you traverse the “washboard”. Sure there can be steep grades, dust, mud, snow, and those darn mosquitoes but with modern vehicles and their comfort accessories the ride is easier. But now it can be considered a “freeway” as compared to what it was when first built. Initially it was a 32 feet wide, singe lane, a muddy twisting trail for trucks and earthmoving equipment built with a single purpose - a lifeline to defend and protect, and that it has.
Happy birthday, Alcan.
http://www.baldwincountynow.com/articles/2007/11/08/columnists/doc4730c954060dd789826904.txt
A Long And Winding Road
Tri-O's Oddities, observations, and opinions
By Herb Kandel
It was only six months after the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor. On June 3, 1942 their aircraft struck again at the U.S. Installations at Dutch Harbor in the Aleutian Island Chain. Yes, the same Dutch Harbor from which those vessels launch to catch the Alaskan king crabs (that we see on “The Deadliest Catch”, airing on The Discovery Channel). The Japanese also captured Attu Island and Kiska. Not since the War of 1812 had American territory been occupied by an enemy. It took a year of fierce fighting costing many lives to recapture those territories.
The military had realized the threat of such an invasion through Alaska. For had the Japanese established a base near Anchorage the whole of Alaska would be at peril, “and thus place great pressure upon cities like Seattle, Portland and Vancouver..…..the invasion from Asia was underway” said James A. Michener in his novel “Alaska” .
Three months before the Dutch Harbor attack the U.S. Army had started construction of a road that could transport troops, food, and supplies to tactical points in Alaska. On March 8, 1942 the first shovel was turned into what was to become the Alcan Highway. It was an awesome undertaking. Again, Michener in his description about one of the men involved in the road’s creation writes, “July and August 1942were the closest to hell that he would experience on this earth, for his fifteen-and sixteen hour days were spent in an exhausting routine: drive through that copse of trees in a straight line, flattening evergreens big enough to produce spars for ships, attach wire ropes to stumps and yank them out, push in topsoil from the surrounding areas, level the whole, ride back and forth in the interminable dust to compact the surface, fight mosquitoes all day long and especially at night, to eat lousy food………..[then] finish off four miles before turning in to an exhausted but sometimes sleepless night.”
It took more than 10,000 U.S. Troops in cooperation with Canadian troops and independent contractors to complete this remarkable engineering task. Among those soldiers were four units of the Army's Black Corps of Engineers. They made up over 1/3 of the U.S. Troops but ironically were first considered unfit for these duties because most were from the South and were thought incapable of working in the northern frigid temperatures. When the highway was complete, many were decorated for their efforts and achievements and then transferred to active duty in Europe and the South Pacific. The Army's Black Corps of Engineers were members of the 93rd, 95th, 97th and 388th units.
Eight month and twelve days from that first shovel-full of soil the Alaskan-Canadian (Alcan) Highway was dedicated. This November 21st marks the 65th anniversary of the official dedication. During it’s completion it took the lives of 22 men, and seven airplanes attempting to deliver supplies had crashed. There were numerous and severe injuries for each mile laid. In 1946 the Canadian portion of the highway was transferred to Canada.
It is now spans 1520 miles. Mile 0 is in Dawson Creek, BC, and it leads in a northwesterly direction through Yukon Territory to mile 1520 at Fairbanks, AK. There are 1,190 miles in Canada. It is also connects to the Pan-American Highway system, which means you can drive from Fairbanks to Ushuia (near Cape Horn) at the tip of Argentina. According to Wickipedia “29,800 miles in total length. Except for a 54 MI. Rainforest gap, the road links the mainland nations of the Americas in a connected highway system. According to The Guinness Book of World Records, the Pan-American Highway is the world's longest 'motorable road' "
In June of 1943 the Army Signal Corps completed the radio-telephone line which linked Washington, D.C. To Alaska. It’s 2,000 mile long extension would make it the longest communication system of its kind in the world at that time.
So now we have a long and winding roar that is eligible for Social Security. And just as any senior citizen can attest some days can be creamy smooth while others are rocky road. Almost all of the two-lane highway is surfaced with asphalt but don’t expect to put your cruise control at 65. Some stretches are narrow and curvy missing ample shoulders and at times center lines. Lots of loose gravel can star windshields and “corrugated” areas where “frost heaves” occurred will put a stammer in your speech as you traverse the “washboard”. Sure there can be steep grades, dust, mud, snow, and those darn mosquitoes but with modern vehicles and their comfort accessories the ride is easier. But now it can be considered a “freeway” as compared to what it was when first built. Initially it was a 32 feet wide, singe lane, a muddy twisting trail for trucks and earthmoving equipment built with a single purpose - a lifeline to defend and protect, and that it has.
Happy birthday, Alcan.
http://www.baldwincountynow.com/articles/2007/11/08/columnists/doc4730c954060dd789826904.txt
Monday, November 05, 2007
10/24/07
Thoughts of notes
Tri-O's oddities, observations, and opinions
by Herb Kandel
It’s strange but not rare that one observation can trigger a series of thoughts that lead to memories long past. This happened to me again two weeks ago. It’s course went bumpity, bumpity, bump ---from a recent TV show to an almost forgotten college class. Follow this journey- start with David Letterman go to 50 Cent then to George Carlin, which leads to Rogers and Hart that reminds me of Kern and Hammerstein then Cole Porter, when up pops poetry wherein it lands me smack to a conclusion of a Sociology term paper turned in close to 40 years ago. WHEW! Let me ‘splain:
I was watching “The Late Show with David Letterman” his musical guest was the hip-hop rapper 50 Cent who ‘sang’ something I later learned was named “Ayo Technology”. It’s opening line was something like “She want it” repeated over and over. The repetitive ad nauseam chorus rhymed “hypnotized” with “hips and thighs”. For me it went further downhill and became 50 scents, none of them pleasant. George Carlin then entered the process when I recalled him recently saying that he “lived through the Golden Age of radio, television, movies and American popular standard music”.
How had the musical taste shifted from the once popular ballads of those talented people who scored and penned words which almost sing themselves off the page?
Read and listen -“I took one look at you/That's all I meant to do/And then my heart stood still/My feet could step and walk/My lips could move and talk/And yet my heart stood still”
“My Heart Stood Still” Music by Richard Rodgers , lyrics by Lorenz Hart
Or: “You are the promised kiss of springtime/That makes the lonely winter seem long./You are the breathless hush of evening/That trembles on the brink of a lovely song./You are the angel glow that lights a star,/The dearest things I know are what you are.”"All the Things You Are" Music by Jerome Kern, lyrics by Oscar Hammerstein II.
Or: “Night and day, you are the one/Only you beneath the moon or under the sun/Whether near to me, or far/It's no matter darling where you are/I think of you/Day and night, night and day”
“Night and Day” by Cole Porter
The marriage of those words and music seem as poetic as any of those from Emily Dickinson or Walt Whitman. Which in turn jolted my memory to a term paper I had submitted for the term project of a Sociology class in my Junior year. It was entitled “The Times and the Tunes”.
The major thrust of the paper was to follow the course of the then popular songs/music to see if they correlated to the historical events of the times. After much research at many libraries, using the old 3x5 index cards (no Google or Ask then), and after many footnotes, references, and bibliography the conclusion was “Yes, the tunes did mirror the times in which they were popular”. From the Psalms of David to ancient ditties in the earliest recorded periods unearthed right up to the time when my treatise was submitted for evaluation.
If this be the case then the ‘standard’ popular musical taste has morphed from a ‘love’ song into a ‘lust’ song much as the transformers of today. Is it any better, will it survive or is it just a fad?
Music is still evolving . From the classics (forever music) to the trendy (here for now) to the ‘one hit wonder’ (“oh yeah, I remember that“). During the last half dozen decades we have listened to the scat of Ella Fitzgerald and Mel Torme, the avant-garde of Miles Davis, Charlie Parker and Stan Kenton, and the innovation of Steven Sondheim, Leonard Bernstein, and Andrew Lloyd Webber. Elvis, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, and their ilk provided a new twist.
The entire musical gamut has the capacity to embrace myriad genres. I like most of them, but I can’t help hoping that the ‘songs’ with incomprehensible (at least to me) lewd lyrics that denigrates women, coupled with a lack of melody, grace, and civility fade fast. I know that this too is a reflection of a part of this timeline of existence, yet I cling to the concept of a happier, optimistic, and more innocent view. It may be true that this generation considers the current hip hop prattle to be modern love songs, if this is so my only comment is, “They’re writing songs of love, but not for me.”
“But Not For Me” Music by George Gershwin, lyrics by Ira Gershwin
There you have the encephalographic roller coaster, from David Letterman to King David to dissertation. But in the words of William Shakespeare, “There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”
PS the term paper got an A-
End 799 words
http://www.baldwincountynow.com/articles/2007/10/24/columnists/doc471e538f416d3311777963.txt
Thoughts of notes
Tri-O's oddities, observations, and opinions
by Herb Kandel
It’s strange but not rare that one observation can trigger a series of thoughts that lead to memories long past. This happened to me again two weeks ago. It’s course went bumpity, bumpity, bump ---from a recent TV show to an almost forgotten college class. Follow this journey- start with David Letterman go to 50 Cent then to George Carlin, which leads to Rogers and Hart that reminds me of Kern and Hammerstein then Cole Porter, when up pops poetry wherein it lands me smack to a conclusion of a Sociology term paper turned in close to 40 years ago. WHEW! Let me ‘splain:
I was watching “The Late Show with David Letterman” his musical guest was the hip-hop rapper 50 Cent who ‘sang’ something I later learned was named “Ayo Technology”. It’s opening line was something like “She want it” repeated over and over. The repetitive ad nauseam chorus rhymed “hypnotized” with “hips and thighs”. For me it went further downhill and became 50 scents, none of them pleasant. George Carlin then entered the process when I recalled him recently saying that he “lived through the Golden Age of radio, television, movies and American popular standard music”.
How had the musical taste shifted from the once popular ballads of those talented people who scored and penned words which almost sing themselves off the page?
Read and listen -“I took one look at you/That's all I meant to do/And then my heart stood still/My feet could step and walk/My lips could move and talk/And yet my heart stood still”
“My Heart Stood Still” Music by Richard Rodgers , lyrics by Lorenz Hart
Or: “You are the promised kiss of springtime/That makes the lonely winter seem long./You are the breathless hush of evening/That trembles on the brink of a lovely song./You are the angel glow that lights a star,/The dearest things I know are what you are.”"All the Things You Are" Music by Jerome Kern, lyrics by Oscar Hammerstein II.
Or: “Night and day, you are the one/Only you beneath the moon or under the sun/Whether near to me, or far/It's no matter darling where you are/I think of you/Day and night, night and day”
“Night and Day” by Cole Porter
The marriage of those words and music seem as poetic as any of those from Emily Dickinson or Walt Whitman. Which in turn jolted my memory to a term paper I had submitted for the term project of a Sociology class in my Junior year. It was entitled “The Times and the Tunes”.
The major thrust of the paper was to follow the course of the then popular songs/music to see if they correlated to the historical events of the times. After much research at many libraries, using the old 3x5 index cards (no Google or Ask then), and after many footnotes, references, and bibliography the conclusion was “Yes, the tunes did mirror the times in which they were popular”. From the Psalms of David to ancient ditties in the earliest recorded periods unearthed right up to the time when my treatise was submitted for evaluation.
If this be the case then the ‘standard’ popular musical taste has morphed from a ‘love’ song into a ‘lust’ song much as the transformers of today. Is it any better, will it survive or is it just a fad?
Music is still evolving . From the classics (forever music) to the trendy (here for now) to the ‘one hit wonder’ (“oh yeah, I remember that“). During the last half dozen decades we have listened to the scat of Ella Fitzgerald and Mel Torme, the avant-garde of Miles Davis, Charlie Parker and Stan Kenton, and the innovation of Steven Sondheim, Leonard Bernstein, and Andrew Lloyd Webber. Elvis, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, and their ilk provided a new twist.
The entire musical gamut has the capacity to embrace myriad genres. I like most of them, but I can’t help hoping that the ‘songs’ with incomprehensible (at least to me) lewd lyrics that denigrates women, coupled with a lack of melody, grace, and civility fade fast. I know that this too is a reflection of a part of this timeline of existence, yet I cling to the concept of a happier, optimistic, and more innocent view. It may be true that this generation considers the current hip hop prattle to be modern love songs, if this is so my only comment is, “They’re writing songs of love, but not for me.”
“But Not For Me” Music by George Gershwin, lyrics by Ira Gershwin
There you have the encephalographic roller coaster, from David Letterman to King David to dissertation. But in the words of William Shakespeare, “There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”
PS the term paper got an A-
End 799 words
http://www.baldwincountynow.com/articles/2007/10/24/columnists/doc471e538f416d3311777963.txt
10/10/07
The 3:10 to Seymour and the 7-11
Tri-O's Oddities, observations, and opinions
By Herb Kandel
As had been mentioned here in several past columns there are now more cameras recording street activity for surveillance along with those in commercial establishments and homes. We are also familiar with the digital cameras built into cell phones as well as ones as slim as pens or concealed in seemingly innocent items like clocks and vases checking on the nanny. It’s almost a daily occurrence to view crimes that were videotaped and shown on the nightly news for help in identifying the perpetrators.
I guess the first recorded misdeed was when the serpent enticed Eve with the apple or when the car insurance company maligned the caveman’s intelligence. Be that as it may, but we do have an early newspaper confirmed crime: It happened October 6, 1866. The first known train robbery occurred on an Ohio and Mississippi passenger train near Seymour, Indiana. Three members of the Reno gang (no relation to former U.S. Attorney General Janet, that we know of) boarded the choo-choo and made off with $10,000. The James boys (no relation to former Alabama Governor Fob, that we know of) perfected the scheme and put it into practice in 1873. There were no cameras to catch the action at that time but with the aforementioned technology there has been a spate in recent bizarre crimes that have been caught on tape committed by some folks whose IQ was less than the circumference of their wrist. For instance:
The guy in Colorado Springs was holding up the liquor store. After getting the cash he told the clerk to give him the bottle of scotch behind the counter. The clerk refused saying he was under age. Whereupon the genius proved that he was over 21 by showing his drivers license. He was caught soon afterward.
The wiggling movements gave him away. It was at the Las Vegas airport when he was caught smuggling lizards into the country. He should not have stuffed them into tube socks and put them in his underwear. Seems he is not the only endangered species.
In Stone Lake, Wisconsin this birdbrain in an SUV wearing camouflage clothes with a helmet and face mask, pulls into the drive-in window at the bank. He holds up a bag which he says contains a bomb and demands all the money. The teller says the money had been removed from the till but she offered candy and lollypops. He proved indecisive and drove away in frustration. “There, that will show them I'm no sucker”, he probably said as he sped off.
They thought they were stealing cell phones from the Babylon, NY warehouse but they turned out to be global positioning systems (GPS). The police activated the GPS systems remotely which led them to the home of one of three heisters. Which only proves that it’s still Location, Location, Location.
It was at the convenience store when he put the $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. The clerk opened the drawer then was ordered to hand over the cash or he would be shot. The clerk gave him the $15 that was there. The robber fled leaving the $20. Sometimes things just don't add up.
In England the burglar broke into a warehouse and loaded his truck with 18 pallets of copper and nickel. It weighed so much that the suspension collapsed and he was caught He was sentenced to two years which only goes to show you can't rock or roll when there’s too much heavy metal.
The next case on the docket was People vs. Steven L. Crook. The bailiff then shouted to the holding cell “Crook, come forward.” Five of the prisoners then entered. Moral: you can't tell a crook by his cover-alls.
Numbers Note: This marks the start of Tri-O’s 3rd year.
The 3:10 to Seymour and the 7-11
Tri-O's Oddities, observations, and opinions
By Herb Kandel
As had been mentioned here in several past columns there are now more cameras recording street activity for surveillance along with those in commercial establishments and homes. We are also familiar with the digital cameras built into cell phones as well as ones as slim as pens or concealed in seemingly innocent items like clocks and vases checking on the nanny. It’s almost a daily occurrence to view crimes that were videotaped and shown on the nightly news for help in identifying the perpetrators.
I guess the first recorded misdeed was when the serpent enticed Eve with the apple or when the car insurance company maligned the caveman’s intelligence. Be that as it may, but we do have an early newspaper confirmed crime: It happened October 6, 1866. The first known train robbery occurred on an Ohio and Mississippi passenger train near Seymour, Indiana. Three members of the Reno gang (no relation to former U.S. Attorney General Janet, that we know of) boarded the choo-choo and made off with $10,000. The James boys (no relation to former Alabama Governor Fob, that we know of) perfected the scheme and put it into practice in 1873. There were no cameras to catch the action at that time but with the aforementioned technology there has been a spate in recent bizarre crimes that have been caught on tape committed by some folks whose IQ was less than the circumference of their wrist. For instance:
The guy in Colorado Springs was holding up the liquor store. After getting the cash he told the clerk to give him the bottle of scotch behind the counter. The clerk refused saying he was under age. Whereupon the genius proved that he was over 21 by showing his drivers license. He was caught soon afterward.
The wiggling movements gave him away. It was at the Las Vegas airport when he was caught smuggling lizards into the country. He should not have stuffed them into tube socks and put them in his underwear. Seems he is not the only endangered species.
In Stone Lake, Wisconsin this birdbrain in an SUV wearing camouflage clothes with a helmet and face mask, pulls into the drive-in window at the bank. He holds up a bag which he says contains a bomb and demands all the money. The teller says the money had been removed from the till but she offered candy and lollypops. He proved indecisive and drove away in frustration. “There, that will show them I'm no sucker”, he probably said as he sped off.
They thought they were stealing cell phones from the Babylon, NY warehouse but they turned out to be global positioning systems (GPS). The police activated the GPS systems remotely which led them to the home of one of three heisters. Which only proves that it’s still Location, Location, Location.
It was at the convenience store when he put the $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. The clerk opened the drawer then was ordered to hand over the cash or he would be shot. The clerk gave him the $15 that was there. The robber fled leaving the $20. Sometimes things just don't add up.
In England the burglar broke into a warehouse and loaded his truck with 18 pallets of copper and nickel. It weighed so much that the suspension collapsed and he was caught He was sentenced to two years which only goes to show you can't rock or roll when there’s too much heavy metal.
The next case on the docket was People vs. Steven L. Crook. The bailiff then shouted to the holding cell “Crook, come forward.” Five of the prisoners then entered. Moral: you can't tell a crook by his cover-alls.
Numbers Note: This marks the start of Tri-O’s 3rd year.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
9/26/07
Was there, did that, not now
Was there, did that, not now
Tri-O's
Oddities, observations, and opinions
By Herb Kandel
His father was a Mennonite and his mother a Jehovah’s Witness. From these peaceful religions there emerged the commanding general of the Allied forces in Europe during World War II and the 34th President of the U.S..
He was born in Texas October 14, 1890, the third of seven sons. When he applied to the Naval Academy he was refused as he exceeded the age for admission. Instead he went to the Military Academy at West Point graduating in 1915 in the top half of his class. As a second lieutenant, he met Mamie Doud, whom he married in 1916.
He eventually served under General John J. Pershing, then to the Army War College, and next as executive officer to the Assistant Secretary of War. Later he was chief military aide to General Douglas MacArthur, Army Chief of Staff. During these assignments he gained the experience in the handling diplomatically, and sometimes forcefully, the giant egos of those times, I.e., Winston Churchill, George S. Patton, General Charles de Gaulle and Field Marshall Bernard Montgomery.
Although Dwight D. Eisenhower never held an active command his administrative and leadership abilities were his major assets. It was after he was appointed Assistant under Chief of Staff General George C. Marshall that these talents came to light leading to senior command positions. His major task was to create the plans to defeat the Axis countries of Japan and Germany. In 1943 he became Supreme Allied Commander in Europe. After the German surrender in 1945 he was appointed Military Governor of the U.S. Occupational Zone. In 1950 he was Supreme Commander of the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) and retired from active service in 1952. Concurrently he served as President of Columbia University (1948-1953), taking leave from the academic duties while he was NATO commander.
The “I Like Ike” campaign brought him to the White House as the only career military man in the past century. His promise to go to Korea, if elected, was kept. Five months after taking office the war there was ended. Historian Stephen Ambrose, in an essay, said by achieving this Eisenhower accomplished “avoiding war thereafter, and by holding down the cost of the arms race, he achieved greatness. No one knows how much money he saved the United States, no one knows how many lives he saved, by ending the war in Korea and refusing to enter any others, despite a half-dozen and more virtually unanimous recommendations that he order a first strike.”
Ike had provocations and confrontations all the years he held office: Korea, Vietnam, Formosa, Suez, Hungary, Berlin, when our U-2 spy plane was shot down over Russia, and the Cold War. Many surrounding him advised dropping the Bomb yet he defused all the situations with a calm, firm hand avoiding conflict without loss of “face”. He knew what war was, as did his other eleven predecessors of the Presidency who were former Generals in the US Army. All opted to go to war only as a last resort, as if saying “been there, done that; not now”.
On the home front he sponsored and signed the Civil Rights Bill of 1957, the first such bill since Reconstruction. He also sent U.S. Troops to enforce it at the Little Rock school integration although he later said he feared it leading to conflict. The Federal Aid Highway Act of 1956 gave us the interstate arteries we now travel and was to become the largest peacetime program. The NASA agency came into being in 1958 and in his second term two more stars were added to the flag, Alaska and Hawaii.
He refused to cut taxes and raise defense spending which balanced the Budget three times and led to the 1950’s affluence. These were the times that the “Happy Days” TV show nostalgically depicted in the 70’s.
For a warrior leading the greatest military force in history, in his Farewell Address to the Nation in 1961 he cautioned, “A vital element in keeping the peace is our military establishment. Our arms must be mighty, ready for instant action, so that no potential aggressor may be tempted to risk his own destruction.” He went on , “In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence, whether sought or unsought, by the military-industrial complex. The potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist.”
After turning the presidency over to John F. Kennedy (the youngest ever elected, 43, took the reigns from the 71 year-old President, the oldest ever elected, up to that time) Eisenhower retired to Gettysburg, Pennsylvania.
Despite all the above he was deemed a “do nothing” president after leaving office. A new book by Michael Korda, “Ike: An American Hero” dispels that judgment.
End
http://www.baldwincountynow.com/articles/2007/09/26/columnists/doc46f96c42b9fc0212728077.txt
Friday, September 14, 2007
9/12/07
The list of ‘Not To Do’
TRI-O'S
Oddities,observations & opinions
By Herb Kandel
In days past we used to have a “To Do” or a “Honey Do” list as a reminder to do something: homework assignments, thank you notes to write, things to pick up at the super market, items to pack for your vacation, prescriptions at the pharmacy, dogs to reclaim from the groomer, etc. Nowadays it seems that a “Not To Do” list may be more appropriate for our own well being in this time of easy litigation, excessive caloric intake, wariness of people speaking a different language and color-coded terror alert levels. Here are some “Not To Do’s,” which may apply to some of us:
• Do not try to organize your closet as the clothes you wore last year have probably been visited by the Shrink Fairy. Regard them as keepsakes.
• Do not look for hairs on your head that are a darker shade of gray and hope they will propagate. Remember that Richard Gere, Phil Donahue, Anderson Cooper, Jay Leno and even Taylor Hicks have turned their silver into gold.
• Do not listen to your iPod in the men’s restroom and tap your foot to the music. That action may be misinterpreted as a “potty” invitation, and you don’t want an RSVP.
• Do not make a big scene at the restaurant when the server gives you a glass of water bearing a lipstick tracing. Just ask if comes with a K2r Spot Lifter (but don’t accept the apology when offered: “We won’t charge you for the drink.”)
• Do not agree when told “This will only take a minute” by a phone solicitor. Just tell them to “hold‚” and walk away for about 5 minutes.
• Do not ask “What’s up?,” to a person exiting a fertility clinic. Discretion is the better choice between the answer and a black eye.
• Do not call 911 if your dog hasn’t pooped in 3 days. Just check under your beds and quickly make an appointment with a EENT doctor.
• Do not put socks in the washing machine without first pinning the toes together. Which begs the questions: Why is it we never find the mate to the one remaining sock, and why does one seem to have more “socks” appeal than the other?
• Do not use as an excuse when stopped by a police officer: “But the designated driver never showed up.”
• Do not blame climate warming as the cause of hot flashes.
• Do not ask to see the green card of the person demonstrating hunting equipment.
• Do not ask presidential candidate Fred Thompson “Why did you shave your moustache, Dr. Phil?”
• Do not audition for American Idol unless you have a bad hair day, wear torn jeans, have little or mediocre talent and the chutzpah to say, with the utmost sincerity “I am the next American Idol.”
• Do not invite Martha Stewart, Rachel Ray, Emeril Lagasse and Bobby Flay to a “Pig-in-a-Blanket” cookout.
• Do not attempt to give your teen-ager driving lessons without first taking a Valium.• Do not volunteer for the office of Supreme Court Justice, when a seat becomes vacant, unless you like wearing a basic black outfit for nine months and really need job security.
• Do not wear a baseball cap backward or sideways if you are over 30. It immediately deducts 10 points from your IQ.
• Do not kiss a frog expecting it to turn into a handsome prince or princess no matter how “ribbiting” their plea. They are notorious liars.
• Do not fall for it a second time when asked by the nurse to disrobe when getting a flu shot.
• And by all means do not store Preparation H near the Krazy Glue in the medicine cabinet. OUCH!
If you have some favorite “Do nots,” let me know.
Note: To all those who inquired: The seventh Wonder grandchild entered the world Sept. 4. William weighed in at 7 pounds and 20 inches long.
http://www.baldwincountynow.com/articles/2007/09/14/columnists/doc46ea8e0963823145743180.txt
The list of ‘Not To Do’
TRI-O'S
Oddities,observations & opinions
By Herb Kandel
In days past we used to have a “To Do” or a “Honey Do” list as a reminder to do something: homework assignments, thank you notes to write, things to pick up at the super market, items to pack for your vacation, prescriptions at the pharmacy, dogs to reclaim from the groomer, etc. Nowadays it seems that a “Not To Do” list may be more appropriate for our own well being in this time of easy litigation, excessive caloric intake, wariness of people speaking a different language and color-coded terror alert levels. Here are some “Not To Do’s,” which may apply to some of us:
• Do not try to organize your closet as the clothes you wore last year have probably been visited by the Shrink Fairy. Regard them as keepsakes.
• Do not look for hairs on your head that are a darker shade of gray and hope they will propagate. Remember that Richard Gere, Phil Donahue, Anderson Cooper, Jay Leno and even Taylor Hicks have turned their silver into gold.
• Do not listen to your iPod in the men’s restroom and tap your foot to the music. That action may be misinterpreted as a “potty” invitation, and you don’t want an RSVP.
• Do not make a big scene at the restaurant when the server gives you a glass of water bearing a lipstick tracing. Just ask if comes with a K2r Spot Lifter (but don’t accept the apology when offered: “We won’t charge you for the drink.”)
• Do not agree when told “This will only take a minute” by a phone solicitor. Just tell them to “hold‚” and walk away for about 5 minutes.
• Do not ask “What’s up?,” to a person exiting a fertility clinic. Discretion is the better choice between the answer and a black eye.
• Do not call 911 if your dog hasn’t pooped in 3 days. Just check under your beds and quickly make an appointment with a EENT doctor.
• Do not put socks in the washing machine without first pinning the toes together. Which begs the questions: Why is it we never find the mate to the one remaining sock, and why does one seem to have more “socks” appeal than the other?
• Do not use as an excuse when stopped by a police officer: “But the designated driver never showed up.”
• Do not blame climate warming as the cause of hot flashes.
• Do not ask to see the green card of the person demonstrating hunting equipment.
• Do not ask presidential candidate Fred Thompson “Why did you shave your moustache, Dr. Phil?”
• Do not audition for American Idol unless you have a bad hair day, wear torn jeans, have little or mediocre talent and the chutzpah to say, with the utmost sincerity “I am the next American Idol.”
• Do not invite Martha Stewart, Rachel Ray, Emeril Lagasse and Bobby Flay to a “Pig-in-a-Blanket” cookout.
• Do not attempt to give your teen-ager driving lessons without first taking a Valium.• Do not volunteer for the office of Supreme Court Justice, when a seat becomes vacant, unless you like wearing a basic black outfit for nine months and really need job security.
• Do not wear a baseball cap backward or sideways if you are over 30. It immediately deducts 10 points from your IQ.
• Do not kiss a frog expecting it to turn into a handsome prince or princess no matter how “ribbiting” their plea. They are notorious liars.
• Do not fall for it a second time when asked by the nurse to disrobe when getting a flu shot.
• And by all means do not store Preparation H near the Krazy Glue in the medicine cabinet. OUCH!
If you have some favorite “Do nots,” let me know.
Note: To all those who inquired: The seventh Wonder grandchild entered the world Sept. 4. William weighed in at 7 pounds and 20 inches long.
http://www.baldwincountynow.com/articles/2007/09/14/columnists/doc46ea8e0963823145743180.txt
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
8/29/07
The Four Horsemen of the Metropolis
Tri-O's Oddities, observations, and opinions
By Herb Kandel
You’ve seen them on TV. They are in an office setting with shelf loads of big books on the back wall. They are either seated behind their neat desk or semi-sitting on the edge. There they are wearing impeccably tailored suits, with color coordinated shirts and ties. Looking directly into the camera, no blinking, they tell you, with the sincerity of your most trusted lifelong friend, that you may be entitled to a cash award if you, or your loved ones, have ever experienced bad side effects from a prescribed medication or a surgical procedure. The same contingency offer is made for car accidents, DUI’s, workmen’s compensation, and social security benefits. All you have to do, if you meet the requirement and want to participate in the suit or litigation, is to, “Call the office of Getcha, Gotcha, Gone, and Goniff” (no real names used).
Sure, there are legitimate claims to right wrongdoing and they will wend their way through the judicial systems slow grinding process. But let’s consider some suits of the future that may be brought if the trend continues. You’re sitting in the chair at your regular barber shop. “Ouch!” He nips an ear lobe while trimming a sideburn. What male member of a jury has not experienced a slip of the scissor? Verdict for plaintiff.
That rolled up Sunday edition is lobbed through the air aimed at your driveway. It lands with a thud but trouble is that it also lands with a “YIPE” from tiny Fido who was lifting a leg on a bush when the paper missile concluded its gravitational pull. Who now is responsible for the vet bills and the subsequent rehab? Who fills the void where stud fees once were? Call GGG&G.
The plastic bag you’re lugging to your car from the supermarket is weighted down with a gallon of milk and yogurt with acidophilus culture when suddenly the side splits and the contents plop on your toes bruising a phalange and a metatarsal. Do you go after the check out cashier who did the bagging, the store, or the bag manufacturer? To find out if you do have a leg to stand on, who do you call?
The golf game is going well when the next drive goes into a trap. The nine iron digs deeper into those grains than you really wanted and kicks up a sheeting of sand. Your game partner, who is standing nearby contemplating his next shot, gets an eyeful of the airborne granules. Now the true test of friendship is measured. Does he or does he not seek the G4 for retribution? And just as important…….do you guys play the next hole?
Your wife invites friends over for a home cooked dinner which, as everyone knows, she rarely does as ovens in this house are considered an extension of the pantry with canned goods and snack boxes loaded on the racks. The steaks she let defrost in the sunlight on the kitchen counter stayed a tad too long and invisible bacteria went into population overload. All who partook of the meal came down with the same symptoms several hours later. No fun was had but the now ex-friends are contemplating a suit for the pain and suffering while the hosts are visiting GGG&G drawing up a hold harmless disclaimer for future guests.
You are typing the thirty page company report on the computer when it freezes and the dreaded blue screen of death takes its place, If you had not been saving your work as you were going along then it has all gone to that big cyberspace in the sky, “POOF”. You have to retype and recapture your thoughts. What frustration! Now extra time must be spent in finger jabbing keystrokes. Someone has to be responsible for this built-in system failure. Should it be Bill Gates? Microsoft? In the words of the immortal Rhett Butler, “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.” Some times it’s good to have the firm of Getcha, Gotcha, Gone, and Goniff fighting for you. Who knew?
http://www.baldwincountynow.com/articles/2007/08/29/columnists/doc46d4918b564ce395739873.txt
The Four Horsemen of the Metropolis
Tri-O's Oddities, observations, and opinions
By Herb Kandel
You’ve seen them on TV. They are in an office setting with shelf loads of big books on the back wall. They are either seated behind their neat desk or semi-sitting on the edge. There they are wearing impeccably tailored suits, with color coordinated shirts and ties. Looking directly into the camera, no blinking, they tell you, with the sincerity of your most trusted lifelong friend, that you may be entitled to a cash award if you, or your loved ones, have ever experienced bad side effects from a prescribed medication or a surgical procedure. The same contingency offer is made for car accidents, DUI’s, workmen’s compensation, and social security benefits. All you have to do, if you meet the requirement and want to participate in the suit or litigation, is to, “Call the office of Getcha, Gotcha, Gone, and Goniff” (no real names used).
Sure, there are legitimate claims to right wrongdoing and they will wend their way through the judicial systems slow grinding process. But let’s consider some suits of the future that may be brought if the trend continues. You’re sitting in the chair at your regular barber shop. “Ouch!” He nips an ear lobe while trimming a sideburn. What male member of a jury has not experienced a slip of the scissor? Verdict for plaintiff.
That rolled up Sunday edition is lobbed through the air aimed at your driveway. It lands with a thud but trouble is that it also lands with a “YIPE” from tiny Fido who was lifting a leg on a bush when the paper missile concluded its gravitational pull. Who now is responsible for the vet bills and the subsequent rehab? Who fills the void where stud fees once were? Call GGG&G.
The plastic bag you’re lugging to your car from the supermarket is weighted down with a gallon of milk and yogurt with acidophilus culture when suddenly the side splits and the contents plop on your toes bruising a phalange and a metatarsal. Do you go after the check out cashier who did the bagging, the store, or the bag manufacturer? To find out if you do have a leg to stand on, who do you call?
The golf game is going well when the next drive goes into a trap. The nine iron digs deeper into those grains than you really wanted and kicks up a sheeting of sand. Your game partner, who is standing nearby contemplating his next shot, gets an eyeful of the airborne granules. Now the true test of friendship is measured. Does he or does he not seek the G4 for retribution? And just as important…….do you guys play the next hole?
Your wife invites friends over for a home cooked dinner which, as everyone knows, she rarely does as ovens in this house are considered an extension of the pantry with canned goods and snack boxes loaded on the racks. The steaks she let defrost in the sunlight on the kitchen counter stayed a tad too long and invisible bacteria went into population overload. All who partook of the meal came down with the same symptoms several hours later. No fun was had but the now ex-friends are contemplating a suit for the pain and suffering while the hosts are visiting GGG&G drawing up a hold harmless disclaimer for future guests.
You are typing the thirty page company report on the computer when it freezes and the dreaded blue screen of death takes its place, If you had not been saving your work as you were going along then it has all gone to that big cyberspace in the sky, “POOF”. You have to retype and recapture your thoughts. What frustration! Now extra time must be spent in finger jabbing keystrokes. Someone has to be responsible for this built-in system failure. Should it be Bill Gates? Microsoft? In the words of the immortal Rhett Butler, “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.” Some times it’s good to have the firm of Getcha, Gotcha, Gone, and Goniff fighting for you. Who knew?
http://www.baldwincountynow.com/articles/2007/08/29/columnists/doc46d4918b564ce395739873.txt
Monday, August 20, 2007
8/18/07
Ding dong - school’s in session
Trio-O's: Oddities, observations & opinionsBy Herb Kandel
That’s the bell that sounds the start of another school year. It seems to sneak in earlier each time, like ageing. When those of us born in a much earlier decade answered that toll, it was after Labor Day and not at the near height of summer. The season of sun and fun had a point of demarcation, and the serious work of learning was started. Occasionally we experienced an Indian Summer where the weather was unusually warm or sunny in autumn, but it seems almost a sin against nature to be closeted in a classroom when radiant August bathes the outdoors, and new high temperature records are being set.
The back-to-school ads are in circulation as soon as the last firecracker is heard on the Fourth of July. Retailers and manufacturers rush the season and are as close on the heels of the time lapse as when Christmas ads appear on Halloween. Not only for school supplies and books for the “writ’n and read’n” but for the now “necessary” gadgets such as cell phones with GPS options
No, I’m not going to tell you about our eight mile walks to school in blizzards, going uphill in both directions. But things were a lot simpler then.
Our requirements were usually a composition book, yes, the one with the black and white marbled squiggles on the cover, a pencil box with a No. 2 pencil, pen (the kind with a replaceable nib that you dipped in the ink well on your school desk), a pink eraser, a 6-inch ruler that was marked only in inches and a manual pencil sharpener (that small rectangular block with a blade attached, which shaved the point when twirled). Boys usually carried books in cupped hands at their side or over their shoulder bound with an old belt. Girls almost always held them cradled in front with hands grasping forearms. The obligatory backpack of today, sold to preschoolers on up, wasn’t seen.
Some of the new supply lists include glue sticks, highlighters, dry markers, dry erasers, Post-it notes, folders, index cards, crayons, Zip lock baggies, hand sanitizers, boxes of tissue, paper towels and baby wipes. Not included but seen as necessities are the designer clothes, expensive athletic shoes, and cell/camera phones in the red new hue. I know that many schools have uniform dress codes and ban cell phones and pagers, but that does not stop the advertisements for them or their surreptitious use.
You’ve heard of identity theft and how to protect yourself from it. Do you know there is a company that personalizes school supplies to prevent their theft, loss, or being switched. Now Johnny can tell Heather that the pen she is using is really his and prove it. Identitydirect.Com boasts over 500 products that can be personalized from pencils, lunch bags, toiletry bags, beanbags, headbands, memo pads, clipboards and, of course, the backpack — comes in pink, too. We certainly are introducing the hazards of adulthood at an early age.
Not having been in school for many years, I wonder if the odors are still there. You could have been blindfolded in my public high school and still know in which room you were. Who can forget the pungent scents of the cafeteria with brown gravy filling the scooped cavity made in the mashed potatoes and forming rivulets around the meatloaf, the fresh smell of shaved wood from the wood-turning lathes in the mandatory shop class (for the boys; girls attended home-making), the eye-burning, chlorine-infused air of the swimming pool, the white crumby paste and mucilage aroma in the library, the metallic coppery reeking air of the band room, or the malodorous cloud that hung over the gym locker room — where were Odor-Eaters when you needed them.
Outside, making sure the wind was at their backs, eraser monitors clapped the felt erasers, and puffs of chalk dust mushroomed forth. I’m not sure, but in these times the EPA or Hazmat may have a voice in regulating wafting whiffs.
So, off you go boys and girls, to an adventurous time in your life. Some day, in the future, you may cherish your “good old days” of those antique ipods, hip-hop, Bluetooth, Sponge Bob, texting, blogging, Harry Potter and break dancing. We celebrate your growing along with your new experiences and hope that your backpack is not overloaded.
Ding dong - school’s in session
Trio-O's: Oddities, observations & opinionsBy Herb Kandel
That’s the bell that sounds the start of another school year. It seems to sneak in earlier each time, like ageing. When those of us born in a much earlier decade answered that toll, it was after Labor Day and not at the near height of summer. The season of sun and fun had a point of demarcation, and the serious work of learning was started. Occasionally we experienced an Indian Summer where the weather was unusually warm or sunny in autumn, but it seems almost a sin against nature to be closeted in a classroom when radiant August bathes the outdoors, and new high temperature records are being set.
The back-to-school ads are in circulation as soon as the last firecracker is heard on the Fourth of July. Retailers and manufacturers rush the season and are as close on the heels of the time lapse as when Christmas ads appear on Halloween. Not only for school supplies and books for the “writ’n and read’n” but for the now “necessary” gadgets such as cell phones with GPS options
No, I’m not going to tell you about our eight mile walks to school in blizzards, going uphill in both directions. But things were a lot simpler then.
Our requirements were usually a composition book, yes, the one with the black and white marbled squiggles on the cover, a pencil box with a No. 2 pencil, pen (the kind with a replaceable nib that you dipped in the ink well on your school desk), a pink eraser, a 6-inch ruler that was marked only in inches and a manual pencil sharpener (that small rectangular block with a blade attached, which shaved the point when twirled). Boys usually carried books in cupped hands at their side or over their shoulder bound with an old belt. Girls almost always held them cradled in front with hands grasping forearms. The obligatory backpack of today, sold to preschoolers on up, wasn’t seen.
Some of the new supply lists include glue sticks, highlighters, dry markers, dry erasers, Post-it notes, folders, index cards, crayons, Zip lock baggies, hand sanitizers, boxes of tissue, paper towels and baby wipes. Not included but seen as necessities are the designer clothes, expensive athletic shoes, and cell/camera phones in the red new hue. I know that many schools have uniform dress codes and ban cell phones and pagers, but that does not stop the advertisements for them or their surreptitious use.
You’ve heard of identity theft and how to protect yourself from it. Do you know there is a company that personalizes school supplies to prevent their theft, loss, or being switched. Now Johnny can tell Heather that the pen she is using is really his and prove it. Identitydirect.Com boasts over 500 products that can be personalized from pencils, lunch bags, toiletry bags, beanbags, headbands, memo pads, clipboards and, of course, the backpack — comes in pink, too. We certainly are introducing the hazards of adulthood at an early age.
Not having been in school for many years, I wonder if the odors are still there. You could have been blindfolded in my public high school and still know in which room you were. Who can forget the pungent scents of the cafeteria with brown gravy filling the scooped cavity made in the mashed potatoes and forming rivulets around the meatloaf, the fresh smell of shaved wood from the wood-turning lathes in the mandatory shop class (for the boys; girls attended home-making), the eye-burning, chlorine-infused air of the swimming pool, the white crumby paste and mucilage aroma in the library, the metallic coppery reeking air of the band room, or the malodorous cloud that hung over the gym locker room — where were Odor-Eaters when you needed them.
Outside, making sure the wind was at their backs, eraser monitors clapped the felt erasers, and puffs of chalk dust mushroomed forth. I’m not sure, but in these times the EPA or Hazmat may have a voice in regulating wafting whiffs.
So, off you go boys and girls, to an adventurous time in your life. Some day, in the future, you may cherish your “good old days” of those antique ipods, hip-hop, Bluetooth, Sponge Bob, texting, blogging, Harry Potter and break dancing. We celebrate your growing along with your new experiences and hope that your backpack is not overloaded.
Thursday, August 02, 2007
8/1/07
My seven Wonders, plus one
Tri-O's Oddities, observations, and opinions
By Herb Kandel
Will wonders never cease? The report tallied last month said that over 100 million votes were cast from over 200 countries to find the new Seven Wonders of the world. The winners are: Chichén Itzá, Mexico - Christ the Redeemer, Brazil - The Great Wall, China - Machu Picchu, Peru - Petra, Jordan -The Roman Colosseum, Italy - The Taj Mahal, India. Nobody asked me but here is my list of Wonder contenders and, lastly, my choices.
Wonder Woman: She is the crime fighting super heroine possessing beauty, strength, and intelligence. She of the star spangled hot shorts, golden bustier that pre-dated Madonna’s, bracelets that deflected bullets, a golden unbreakable lasso which compelled anyone encircled in it to tell the truth, and a boomerang tiara. And when Lynda Carter portrayed her on TV she could do no wrong.
Stevie Wonder: He started recording at age 11 and continues to this day. His album sales are over 100 million, has won 22 Grammy Awards, an Academy Award for Best Song, was inducted into the Rock and Roll and Songwriters halls of fame, he also plays a host of percussion and string instruments as well as the synthesizer and keyboard. Check this small sample of his work and see if you can resist humming: “My Cherie Amour”, “You Are the Sunshine of my Life”, “ For Once in my Life”, “I Just Called to Say I Love You”, "Yester-Me, Yester-You, Yesterday", "Isn't She Lovely".
Wonder Bread: Yes, the soft white bread with the colorful red, yellow, and blue balloons on the wrapper. Sure, the name is sometimes used as a pejorative term for having little pizzazz and nutrition but it has been baked for over 80 years and now comes in five varieties including three advertised with “whole grain”. They were among the first who introduced sliced bread in the 1930s and because of its squishiness is sometimes used as a remedy because it forms a soft lump around inedible objects that are swallowed by a child or dog allowing it to pass safely. That by itself is a wonder.
The Wonder Years: This delightful TV show ran for six seasons (1988 - 1993). It depicted the years 1968-1973 “each season took place exactly twenty years before the then current year”. Fred Savage played Kevin Arnold . We follow him through his teen years on his journey to adulthood. During this passage we relive the events of that time from his perspective. Many topics were explored including social issues, family dynamics, first kiss, first zit, family finances, and the fragility of friendship. The narrator is a mature, wiser Kevin who views the experiences not only with nostalgia but also the conviction of learning another life lesson.
It’s a Wonderful Life: The movie directed by Frank Capra was a flop when it was released in 1946. When its copyright protection ended on 1974 and fell into the public domain it got repeated airings at Christmas-time as it was free to the TV stations until 1993. Now only “NBC is currently licensed to show the film on U.S. Network television,” according to Wikipedia. It tells the story, in flashbacks, of the effect of one person touching the lives of those around him, both family and community. Despite all seeming obstacles and dilemmas he still has a wonderful life. All that was needed was the realization of the difference he made in those lives.
What a Wonderful World: This song was written for Louis Armstrong in 1967. Has there ever been more optimistic words and music expressing the joy of life? It was further enhanced by the linkage of that raspy voice which wrapped each image with delight. Armstrong took only $250 scale for his recording, for the song was intended to soothe the high emotions caused by the racial and political riots of that year.
And lastly - my Wonder winners: grandchildren James, Sydney, Jordan, Tori, Madeline, Courtney, and awaiting the seventh Wonder, a boy due sometime in September. Plus one, my BH (Better Half).
So in answer to the question asked initially: I hope not.
END
682 words
http://www.baldwincountynow.com/articles/2007/08/02/columnists/doc46af8f06a9034014185318
My seven Wonders, plus one
Tri-O's Oddities, observations, and opinions
By Herb Kandel
Will wonders never cease? The report tallied last month said that over 100 million votes were cast from over 200 countries to find the new Seven Wonders of the world. The winners are: Chichén Itzá, Mexico - Christ the Redeemer, Brazil - The Great Wall, China - Machu Picchu, Peru - Petra, Jordan -The Roman Colosseum, Italy - The Taj Mahal, India. Nobody asked me but here is my list of Wonder contenders and, lastly, my choices.
Wonder Woman: She is the crime fighting super heroine possessing beauty, strength, and intelligence. She of the star spangled hot shorts, golden bustier that pre-dated Madonna’s, bracelets that deflected bullets, a golden unbreakable lasso which compelled anyone encircled in it to tell the truth, and a boomerang tiara. And when Lynda Carter portrayed her on TV she could do no wrong.
Stevie Wonder: He started recording at age 11 and continues to this day. His album sales are over 100 million, has won 22 Grammy Awards, an Academy Award for Best Song, was inducted into the Rock and Roll and Songwriters halls of fame, he also plays a host of percussion and string instruments as well as the synthesizer and keyboard. Check this small sample of his work and see if you can resist humming: “My Cherie Amour”, “You Are the Sunshine of my Life”, “ For Once in my Life”, “I Just Called to Say I Love You”, "Yester-Me, Yester-You, Yesterday", "Isn't She Lovely".
Wonder Bread: Yes, the soft white bread with the colorful red, yellow, and blue balloons on the wrapper. Sure, the name is sometimes used as a pejorative term for having little pizzazz and nutrition but it has been baked for over 80 years and now comes in five varieties including three advertised with “whole grain”. They were among the first who introduced sliced bread in the 1930s and because of its squishiness is sometimes used as a remedy because it forms a soft lump around inedible objects that are swallowed by a child or dog allowing it to pass safely. That by itself is a wonder.
The Wonder Years: This delightful TV show ran for six seasons (1988 - 1993). It depicted the years 1968-1973 “each season took place exactly twenty years before the then current year”. Fred Savage played Kevin Arnold . We follow him through his teen years on his journey to adulthood. During this passage we relive the events of that time from his perspective. Many topics were explored including social issues, family dynamics, first kiss, first zit, family finances, and the fragility of friendship. The narrator is a mature, wiser Kevin who views the experiences not only with nostalgia but also the conviction of learning another life lesson.
It’s a Wonderful Life: The movie directed by Frank Capra was a flop when it was released in 1946. When its copyright protection ended on 1974 and fell into the public domain it got repeated airings at Christmas-time as it was free to the TV stations until 1993. Now only “NBC is currently licensed to show the film on U.S. Network television,” according to Wikipedia. It tells the story, in flashbacks, of the effect of one person touching the lives of those around him, both family and community. Despite all seeming obstacles and dilemmas he still has a wonderful life. All that was needed was the realization of the difference he made in those lives.
What a Wonderful World: This song was written for Louis Armstrong in 1967. Has there ever been more optimistic words and music expressing the joy of life? It was further enhanced by the linkage of that raspy voice which wrapped each image with delight. Armstrong took only $250 scale for his recording, for the song was intended to soothe the high emotions caused by the racial and political riots of that year.
And lastly - my Wonder winners: grandchildren James, Sydney, Jordan, Tori, Madeline, Courtney, and awaiting the seventh Wonder, a boy due sometime in September. Plus one, my BH (Better Half).
So in answer to the question asked initially: I hope not.
END
682 words
http://www.baldwincountynow.com/articles/2007/08/02/columnists/doc46af8f06a9034014185318
Monday, July 30, 2007
7/18/07
Elvis is still in the bank
Tri-O's Oddities, observations, and opinions
By Herb Kandel
How would you like to earn income not only during your working life but also from the beyond? Yes, even after the bed, bath, and last rites. Well, not exactly for you, as you won’t be around to spend it, but for your estate or the loved ones left after you enter the hereafter. Simple. Your best bet is to just become a rock star, song writer, artist or entertainer. Follow me on this.
Next month will be the 30th anniversary of death of Elvis Presley, He strummed his last note at the age of 42 yet his estate last year, according to Forbes.com, made a million dollars for each year he lived. Right, $42 M. And get this, Elvis was second, behind Kurt Cobain who gyrated in at $50M (what Nirvana!). Of the top 13 named, five other high unearthly earners were in the musical category ( John Lennon $24 M, Ray Charles $10 M, Johnny Cash $8 M, George Harrison $7 M, and Bob Marley $7). The Arts/Entertainment drew three (Charles M. Schulz $35 M [don’t call that Peanuts], Andy Warhol $19 M, and Marilyn Monroe $8 M). There were two authors ( Theodor Geisel [ Dr. Seuss- only fat green cat in the hat] $10 M, and J.R.R. Tolkien $7M) and a lonely scientist (Albert Einstein $ 20 M). So earning from the other side is more readily accomplished artistically, but don’t tell that to Bill Gates.
There are several candidates from the recently departed that may have a shot to be on the list next year. Here are a few that may make it:
Johnny Carson was king of the late night talk shows for 30 years when he called it quits in 1992. After his death from emphysema in 2005 ( I can still see that ash tray that sat on his studio desk) his estate owned over 4000 hours of video footage (The Tonight Show broadcasts which aired from 1962 to 1972 were erased to save on storage costs……some heads rolled for that, I’m sure). On a recent entertainment news segment they showed the vault where the collection is kept; it is housed 54 stories below ground in a climate controlled salt mine near Kansas City, Kansas. You can occasionally see some of the highlights on a 30 minute infomercial and smile as Johnny chuckles or swings his air golf club.
Dale Earnhardt Sr. drove his last lap in 2001 which ended in the crash at the Daytona 500. Yet less than two years later his estates took in $20 M through licensing and royalty fees. General Motors Chevrolet Division honored him by naming a limited edition of a pickup truck the 2006 Silverado Intimidator SS (“The Intimidator” was Earnhardt’s nickname). With all the merchandise, collectables, souvenirs, superstore, and increased NASCAR visibility Dale’s estate can get that checkered flag again.
“‘Ol Blue Eyes“, “The Chairman of the Board“, that was Frank Sinatra whose career spanned 60 years of radio, television, movies, cabarets (“saloon singer” as he referred to himself), and records. He has been missing from the list of late but has usually been up there and will be again. I have high hopes he’ll be no stranger to those rites.
There are other notable musical names who continue to materially affect the lives of the living from the grave. Consider Gangsta rapper Tupac Shakur who died in 1996 and whose estate made $12 M in 2003 and $5 M the next year. Then there are Rogers and Hammerstein, Lerner and Lowe, Ira and George Gershwin, along with Cole Porter, Irving Berlin, Jimi Hendrix, and Jerry Garcia who have been on the list consistently. What music this must bring to their heirs.
Lastly, did you know that the deceased artists have agents? You’ve seen John Wayne, Audrey Hepburn, James Dean, Fred Astaire, and Charlie Chaplin on TV commercials hawking a host of products. A company out of Indianapolis had a corner on that market until recently when a division owned by Microsoft purchased a competing agency and added icons such as Warhol and Liberace. There will be a lot more seen from beyond the crypt and who said that there’s no life after death? Well it may be so if you don’t have a song in your heart. Gee, I wish my dad sang better!
By the way, it makes you wonder if there is an IRS agency on the other side of the grass? Now, that would be a humm-dinger!
End
Elvis is still in the bank
Tri-O's Oddities, observations, and opinions
By Herb Kandel
How would you like to earn income not only during your working life but also from the beyond? Yes, even after the bed, bath, and last rites. Well, not exactly for you, as you won’t be around to spend it, but for your estate or the loved ones left after you enter the hereafter. Simple. Your best bet is to just become a rock star, song writer, artist or entertainer. Follow me on this.
Next month will be the 30th anniversary of death of Elvis Presley, He strummed his last note at the age of 42 yet his estate last year, according to Forbes.com, made a million dollars for each year he lived. Right, $42 M. And get this, Elvis was second, behind Kurt Cobain who gyrated in at $50M (what Nirvana!). Of the top 13 named, five other high unearthly earners were in the musical category ( John Lennon $24 M, Ray Charles $10 M, Johnny Cash $8 M, George Harrison $7 M, and Bob Marley $7). The Arts/Entertainment drew three (Charles M. Schulz $35 M [don’t call that Peanuts], Andy Warhol $19 M, and Marilyn Monroe $8 M). There were two authors ( Theodor Geisel [ Dr. Seuss- only fat green cat in the hat] $10 M, and J.R.R. Tolkien $7M) and a lonely scientist (Albert Einstein $ 20 M). So earning from the other side is more readily accomplished artistically, but don’t tell that to Bill Gates.
There are several candidates from the recently departed that may have a shot to be on the list next year. Here are a few that may make it:
Johnny Carson was king of the late night talk shows for 30 years when he called it quits in 1992. After his death from emphysema in 2005 ( I can still see that ash tray that sat on his studio desk) his estate owned over 4000 hours of video footage (The Tonight Show broadcasts which aired from 1962 to 1972 were erased to save on storage costs……some heads rolled for that, I’m sure). On a recent entertainment news segment they showed the vault where the collection is kept; it is housed 54 stories below ground in a climate controlled salt mine near Kansas City, Kansas. You can occasionally see some of the highlights on a 30 minute infomercial and smile as Johnny chuckles or swings his air golf club.
Dale Earnhardt Sr. drove his last lap in 2001 which ended in the crash at the Daytona 500. Yet less than two years later his estates took in $20 M through licensing and royalty fees. General Motors Chevrolet Division honored him by naming a limited edition of a pickup truck the 2006 Silverado Intimidator SS (“The Intimidator” was Earnhardt’s nickname). With all the merchandise, collectables, souvenirs, superstore, and increased NASCAR visibility Dale’s estate can get that checkered flag again.
“‘Ol Blue Eyes“, “The Chairman of the Board“, that was Frank Sinatra whose career spanned 60 years of radio, television, movies, cabarets (“saloon singer” as he referred to himself), and records. He has been missing from the list of late but has usually been up there and will be again. I have high hopes he’ll be no stranger to those rites.
There are other notable musical names who continue to materially affect the lives of the living from the grave. Consider Gangsta rapper Tupac Shakur who died in 1996 and whose estate made $12 M in 2003 and $5 M the next year. Then there are Rogers and Hammerstein, Lerner and Lowe, Ira and George Gershwin, along with Cole Porter, Irving Berlin, Jimi Hendrix, and Jerry Garcia who have been on the list consistently. What music this must bring to their heirs.
Lastly, did you know that the deceased artists have agents? You’ve seen John Wayne, Audrey Hepburn, James Dean, Fred Astaire, and Charlie Chaplin on TV commercials hawking a host of products. A company out of Indianapolis had a corner on that market until recently when a division owned by Microsoft purchased a competing agency and added icons such as Warhol and Liberace. There will be a lot more seen from beyond the crypt and who said that there’s no life after death? Well it may be so if you don’t have a song in your heart. Gee, I wish my dad sang better!
By the way, it makes you wonder if there is an IRS agency on the other side of the grass? Now, that would be a humm-dinger!
End
Thursday, July 12, 2007
7/11/07
Believable doubt
Tri-O's
oddities, observations, and opinions
by Herb Kandel
We all know Andy Rooney the commentator who usually wraps up the CBS 60 Minutes program with a satirical and sometimes cynical essay. But long before Andy there was a Greek philosopher who roamed the streets of ancient Athens teaching that the simple life (no, not the Paris-Nicole kind) was the only virtuous one. He lived in a tub and was said to have discarded his last utensil, a cup, when seeing a man drink from his hands. Rank and social position meant nothing to him. He was in that tub when Alexander the Great asked what he desired, and Diogenes said, “Only step out of my sunlight.” The apex of his cynicism was when he trudged in daylight holding aloft a lantern looking “for an honest man”
Then there was Cassandra. She was the beautiful daughter of Queen Hecuba and King Priam of Troy. Apollo, the god of the Sun, fell in love with her and gave her the gift of prophecy to seduce her, but she rejected him afterwards. Enraged, Apollo put a diabolical codicil to her power----indeed she had the ability to know the future and tell the truth but, and here’s the twist ……. no one would ever believe her!
Imagine if the simplistic, yet complex, cynic Diogenes were to meet the truth telling, frustrated, not to be believed prophetess Cassandra. I think I see them. There they are looking down on us, mere mortals, and discussing current events. Let’s eavesdrop over the clouds:
Diogenes: Darn fools think that building a high fence will keep people forever on one side when everyone knows that anything constructed will eventually get destructed.
Cassandra: I know that it will be built, but the fix will be temporary. Remember, I told Stalin and Gorbachev about the same thing in Berlin. But noooo, they wouldn’t believe me; they had to hear it from Reagan. That was just like the time I warned daddy not to let that big Greek wooden horse into our city.
D: Yeah, we did make the most of that “gift”. But I’m upset….. malicious computer software that looks harmless but actually contains a virus is called a “Trojan” rather than a “Grecian” after the people who devised that scheme.
C: I see that if you are in a major city you will be photographed many times going about your day to day activities. There are many surveillance cameras in operation now and more are being installed as a deterrent to crime. I foresee neighborhood groups and gated communities following suit forming networks of their own and turning over criminal evidence to police.
D: That would sure provide a lot of screen monitoring jobs for the local voyeurs, provide exhibitionists with a stage to strut on, cut down on potential hanky-panky, and give a whole new meaning to “neighborhood watch“.
C: Another divination is that all citizens will have tiny radio powered I D microchips implanted which will contain vital medical and other personal information.
D: During my time they used to call that a “spouse” and you had to feed them.
C: It’s clear to me that foul air pollutants do damage to the firmament.
D : Now Cass, I suppose you’re going to tell me global warming caused Icarus to fall into the sea when we all know that he flew to close to your spurned suitor Apollo without first applying sunblock.
C: Then how can you explain all the smoky gray tinged beards on you guys up here that used to be snowy white?
D: Well it could be from our Grecian Formula # 16.
C: And the world is becoming more egotistical. Everywhere you go there is iPod, iTunes, iTrip, iDock, iSpeak, iPhone, and even iHop
D: I have to agree with you on this one and if things continue on this self indulgence course the birth rate will decrease, there will be fewer workers and service providers, eventually all systems will break down and our epitaph will be “iWas”
C: Things won’t get that bleak. However I do envisage fewer working hours, higher pay, longer vacations, paying less tax, and receiving more benefits.
D: Yes, but how about the folks who are not politicians?
C: Oh, Di, be serious. There is current conflict and bickering among nations and political parties which will not soon come to resolution.
D: There are some things in life that you can always count on.
And by the way, I have a few drachmas, I mean euros. Do you know the winner of Super Bowl XLII?
C: Of course. But if I told, who’d believe me?
END
Friday, June 22, 2007
6/20/07
Buried on page 27
Tri-O's
oddities, observations, and opinions
by Herb Kandel
All the bold faced headlines blare the topical news, i.e., Iraq, immigration, l presidential candidates, global warming, a Hilton named Paris, etc.. Meanwhile other, less consequential happenings may pique the interest of readers. These items are usually buried in the bowels of the newspaper on Page 27. Here are some that you might have missed if you quit reading after page 26.
There’s the guy in Michigan who sued his sister’s homeowner’s insurance company after her Siamese seal-point cat bit him. He was in the hospital for three weeks. The jury awarded him $122,400. The cat was characterized as "the pit bulls of cats." So beware the next time you go to pet Fluffy, she may be after more than your tongue.
There you are near the 14th tee at a plush suburban Chicago golf course and you see what looks like a speck of a Wilson or Spaulding ball protruding from the fairway. You dig around it to discover that it is a human skull along with other bones. The coroner said the bones were modern as two of the teeth were gold and one of the front teeth has an "R" embedded. No foul play was indicated but I surmise it could have been the outraged golfer who gave his defiant answer to the player who approached and asked , “Can I play through?”
You’re on a British Airways flight from New Delhi to London in first class having a snooze when you are awakened by a commotion coming from the seat nearby which was vacant when you dozed off. There you see the cabin crew struggling with a corpse. They are propping up the deceased elderly lady with pillows trying to wedge her in but she keeps slipping under the seatbelt and sloshing with the plane motion. It seems she has died in hour three of the nine hour flight and there is no room in the crowded economy class. The woman’s daughter is moved to first class where she spends the remainder of the trip “wailing in grief. What to do? You seek compensation for the stress and inconvenience but the airline says, in essence, “We’re sorry, but get over it”. Seems this situation happens about ten times a year with BA. For a like event Singapore Airlines have installed special "corpse cupboards”. Did they ever consider playing “Weekend at Bernie’s” on the in-flight movie to put the passengers at ease?
He was just trying to cross the street in front of the truck in Paw Paw, Mich. while strapped into his wheelchair when the traffic light turned green for the truck The rig driver did not see 21 year old Ben Carpenter in it but the handles of the rolling chair got lodged in the grille and WEEE off Ben went for a two mile ride at speeds approaching 50 mph.. The driver disbelieved the troopers’ story until he got out of the cab and saw the wheelchair. Ben was unhurt but this sure give new meaning to “Truckin’ down on the avenue”.
You won’t see an aerial view of this chase on “Cops” which involved another wheelchair incident in Schwerin, Germany. Seems the operator of the chair was pulled over by the police for using the automobile road. They then discovered his blood alcohol content 10 times the legal limit for drivers. "The officers couldn't quite believe it when they saw the results of the breath test. That's a life-threatening figure." Since he was not in a powered vehicle the 31-year-old man was considered a pedestrian, and will not be charged with a driving offense but they are unsure as to what it will be. How about WWI (wheeling while intoxicated) or have him repeat 100 times “Bad boy, bad boy, what cha’ gonna do when they breathalize you?”
When a preschooler teacher in Malmo, Sweden nearly fell after stepping into a pile of dog poop her students organized a protest against the leaving of the litter. They made small signs and planted one in each pile they found. The signs say things such as "Pick up after yourself". Let’s hope that the signs are stapled to sticks at least higher than the poop.
And lastly, in Cheltenham, U.K., to shame dog owners into pooper scooping (to which the discreet citizens refer to as “dog fouling”) they draw circles with spray paint around the piles. When a dog warden finds a “foul” a red circle is sprayed around it. If it is still there after a week a yellow circle is added. After two weeks (it had to be a Great Dane) on goes a white circle. These markings make it easier to spot and therefore avoid.
One can only hope that no one mistakes these circles for a game of Twister.
END
Buried on page 27
Tri-O's
oddities, observations, and opinions
by Herb Kandel
All the bold faced headlines blare the topical news, i.e., Iraq, immigration, l presidential candidates, global warming, a Hilton named Paris, etc.. Meanwhile other, less consequential happenings may pique the interest of readers. These items are usually buried in the bowels of the newspaper on Page 27. Here are some that you might have missed if you quit reading after page 26.
There’s the guy in Michigan who sued his sister’s homeowner’s insurance company after her Siamese seal-point cat bit him. He was in the hospital for three weeks. The jury awarded him $122,400. The cat was characterized as "the pit bulls of cats." So beware the next time you go to pet Fluffy, she may be after more than your tongue.
There you are near the 14th tee at a plush suburban Chicago golf course and you see what looks like a speck of a Wilson or Spaulding ball protruding from the fairway. You dig around it to discover that it is a human skull along with other bones. The coroner said the bones were modern as two of the teeth were gold and one of the front teeth has an "R" embedded. No foul play was indicated but I surmise it could have been the outraged golfer who gave his defiant answer to the player who approached and asked , “Can I play through?”
You’re on a British Airways flight from New Delhi to London in first class having a snooze when you are awakened by a commotion coming from the seat nearby which was vacant when you dozed off. There you see the cabin crew struggling with a corpse. They are propping up the deceased elderly lady with pillows trying to wedge her in but she keeps slipping under the seatbelt and sloshing with the plane motion. It seems she has died in hour three of the nine hour flight and there is no room in the crowded economy class. The woman’s daughter is moved to first class where she spends the remainder of the trip “wailing in grief. What to do? You seek compensation for the stress and inconvenience but the airline says, in essence, “We’re sorry, but get over it”. Seems this situation happens about ten times a year with BA. For a like event Singapore Airlines have installed special "corpse cupboards”. Did they ever consider playing “Weekend at Bernie’s” on the in-flight movie to put the passengers at ease?
He was just trying to cross the street in front of the truck in Paw Paw, Mich. while strapped into his wheelchair when the traffic light turned green for the truck The rig driver did not see 21 year old Ben Carpenter in it but the handles of the rolling chair got lodged in the grille and WEEE off Ben went for a two mile ride at speeds approaching 50 mph.. The driver disbelieved the troopers’ story until he got out of the cab and saw the wheelchair. Ben was unhurt but this sure give new meaning to “Truckin’ down on the avenue”.
You won’t see an aerial view of this chase on “Cops” which involved another wheelchair incident in Schwerin, Germany. Seems the operator of the chair was pulled over by the police for using the automobile road. They then discovered his blood alcohol content 10 times the legal limit for drivers. "The officers couldn't quite believe it when they saw the results of the breath test. That's a life-threatening figure." Since he was not in a powered vehicle the 31-year-old man was considered a pedestrian, and will not be charged with a driving offense but they are unsure as to what it will be. How about WWI (wheeling while intoxicated) or have him repeat 100 times “Bad boy, bad boy, what cha’ gonna do when they breathalize you?”
When a preschooler teacher in Malmo, Sweden nearly fell after stepping into a pile of dog poop her students organized a protest against the leaving of the litter. They made small signs and planted one in each pile they found. The signs say things such as "Pick up after yourself". Let’s hope that the signs are stapled to sticks at least higher than the poop.
And lastly, in Cheltenham, U.K., to shame dog owners into pooper scooping (to which the discreet citizens refer to as “dog fouling”) they draw circles with spray paint around the piles. When a dog warden finds a “foul” a red circle is sprayed around it. If it is still there after a week a yellow circle is added. After two weeks (it had to be a Great Dane) on goes a white circle. These markings make it easier to spot and therefore avoid.
One can only hope that no one mistakes these circles for a game of Twister.
END
Friday, June 08, 2007
6/6/07
Who’s sorry now?
Tri-O's
Oddities, observations, and opinions
By Herb Kandel
By Herb Kandel
A long time ago Bing Crosby, the Justin Timberlake of the 1930’s to the 1960’s, sang
“If I told a lie, if I made you cry -----, I'm sorry. From the bottom of my heart, -- I apologize” * This past Thursday Gov. Bob Riley didn’t sing, but signed a legislative resolution apologizing for Alabama’s participation in slavery and its’ wrongs. Alabama now links with Maryland, Virginia, and North Carolina in formalizing the apology and to which other former slave states will most likely join. Hey, if the slavery apology was good enough for Lincoln in 1863 it’ll still work for Bob now.
On this subject of public admission of error, discourtesy or wrong doing, perhaps there should be more. It could set a new trend and add to those already on record.
First lets check out celebrity ‘sorry’s‘. The most recent was Don Imus, who, grinch-like, tarnished the Ho’s of Santa’s greeting. After Mel Gibson’s anti-Semetic tirade his passion in apologizing never quite passed the kosher test; yet it was Sacha Baron Cohen's alter ego, Borat, who vouched for him "We agree with his comments that the Jews started all wars. We also have proof that they were responsible for killing off all the dinosaurs. And Hurricane Katrina - they did it." Michael Richards gave his apology after his onstage racial rant which raised hackles higher than both his and Don Kings’s hair. Russell Crowe apologized for flinging a phone in a concierge's face even before pressing 1 for English. Jane Fonda said her going to North Vietnam was wrong but few listened and she is said to wear rain gear at book signings. After her wardrobe malfunction, Janet Jackson made a clean breast of the mishap with her contrition. Even Hugh Grant, arrested in a car with a prostitute, regretted the position.
Sovereign nations are not exempt either. Australia has apologized to its aborigines. Tony Blair has apologized to the Irish for Great Britain’s handling of the potato famine. Japan apologized to China for the war against them; they did the same for the Republic of Korea “wartime comfort women” and World War II prisoners of war. Germany's made an apology to Israel for the Holocaust. The U.S. Congress admitted guilt to Japanese Americans for their internment during World War II.. Mother Russia told Poland it was sorry for the Soviet army's massacre of Polish army officers. Nelson Mandela's too gave apology for atrocities allegedly committed by his African National Congress. In 1992 Spain apologized for the 1492 Inquisition.
Religion also has its mea culpas. Pope Benedict XVI appeared remorseful when he regretted causing offence to Muslims in quoting a 14th century text. Years before, on behalf of the Roman Catholic Church, Pope John Paul II's express regret for its role in supporting the enslavement of Africans. TV evangelist Jimmy Swaggart, after he was caught on camera with a prostitute outside a New Orleans motel, gave a pre-cursor to Katrina with his tearful confession. The Rev. Ted Haggard admitted he had been receiving massages from a Denver man for three years and had bought metamphetamine. Haggard resigned as president of the National Association of Evangelicals but still advocates passage of an amendment to the Constitution to ban same-sex marriage.
Now to the world of sports: Kobe Bryant, the basketball star pleaded not guilty to sexual assault but admitted a consensual one-night stand with a hotel worker. His wife stood by her man as he made his apology public while she eyed the new peace offering on her finger, a $4 million diamond ring. Former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson, in a high pitched voice, read his apology, he said he was sorry for biting Evander Holyfield and asked not to be banned from boxing for life; nothing was mentioned about rabies testing.
Where to start in Politics? Sen. Bob Packwood was sorry for having groped women as was Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger . The Terminator also said of Puerto Ricans and Cubans, “They are all very hot. They have the, you know, part of the black blood in them and part of the Latino blood in them that together makes it.”. Almost “Hasta la vista, baby” had he not asked for forgiveness. Senator Trent Lott had repeated apologies - each one digging him more deeply into a hole for his pro-segregation remarks intended to compliment Strom Thurmond’s 100th birthday. Durham District Attorney Mike Nifong bowed to the former Duke lacrosse players when the N.C. Attorney General proclaimed they were wrongly accused. After Sen. John McCain's made the tasteless and hurtful joke about Chelsea Clinton, Janet Reno, and Hillary Clinton he apologized to the Clintons. President Bill Clinton apologized to the country for his conduct in l’afair Monica --- and that’s all there IS.
Disclaimer: If anyone was offended by any of the above…..I’m sorry.
************************************
"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."--Mahatma Gandhi
"Always forgive your enemies--nothing annoys them so much."--Oscar Wilde
* I APOLOGIZE (Al Goodhart / Al Hoffman / Edward Nelson)
Thursday, May 24, 2007
5/23/07
We loved Lucy
We loved Lucy
Tri-O's
Oddities, observations, and opinions
By Herb Kandel
An old maxim states that a camel is a horse designed by committee. If that is so then it must have taken at least two committees to have come up with the mold for Lucy, our eclectic pet.
At first glance she might have been mistaken for a dachshund as her elongated body with somewhat disproportionate short legs gave her that appearance. But her head and snout resembled a Chihuahuas’, except her ears; the cocker spaniel kind that lapped over. Her chest was that of a bulldog, thrust out and proud. Her short hair had the color of a chocolate Labrador, which, after she had her bath, shone like a seals’ coat. Boston terrier brown eyes peered at the world ever alert for perils that could befall someone whose peepers were only 3 inches above the ground. To complete the picture, when this canine montage walked, her squat front legs swung in semi-circles as she waddled forward duck-like. This was our little Lucy.
She was a rescue puppy. We were told she had been neglected to where she was left outdoors in all weather at all times to pretty much fend for herself, to the point of foraging for food in garbage bags.
That was almost fifteen years ago. She was our constant companion in all the places we lived and in every hurricane evacuation. She was accepted by our mostly schnauzer, Bonzer (she too was a rescue hound) and later Lucy welcomed Daphne (yet another pound puppy - mostly soft coated wheaten terrier). Because of her size and disposition she was always the Beta to the other dogs. Over the years as her siblings passed on to The Rainbow Bridge in the sky and others became beloved family members, she assumed the role of Grand Dame. Independent and aloof she garnered the respect of her new, younger, and always larger siblings. She rarely played with the other two but when it happened it was she who initiated the action.
If Lucy had been an entrant in a canine pageant she would not have been a nominee for Miss Congeniality. But she would have had a good shot at Miss Loyalty, Miss Sweetness, or Miss Quiet Companion. She had a way of sidling up to your dangling hand when you were sitting and then rubbing her head against it, side to side, which always reminded me of an elephant-like gyration when they roll their heads. In her younger days, when her body and legs was more supple, she would skip up the stairway to the second floor. Her stubby back legs providing the propulsion while the front ones reached out; but with her circular gait it looked like she was doing a land locked breast-stroke. And when she descended she took on the appearance of a slinky slithering down step to step.
As the years went by they took their normal toll. Her face and paws showed at first a hint of gray later more so, the vanilla encroached the chocalate. She slept longer, deeper, and more often. She balked at steps and had to be carried down and up. Because of her early puppy hood hunger her appetite never waned, until near the end. For several months she had been receiving fluid injections to prevent dehydration and to flush waste products through the kidneys, as she was experiencing chronic kidney failure.
Our vet, a caring Dr. Bill, said it was time to let her go. Body functions were shutting down and nothing more could be done without additional suffering. So on May Day she was held lovingly as she slipped away - first to a peaceful sleep and then to eternity.
There is a bond between humans and animals but especially with those pets who provided personal companionship, love that was unconditional, acceptance, and a sharing co-dependence each day.
There is an empty bowl now at meal time, a vacant bed at the foot of ours, a leash that hangs limp on a hook, and a space in our hearts that is currently occupied with only memories. Our quaint, funny looking, sweet Lucy, who graced our home for all those years, I know is having her head rubbed by someone somewhere. And when I think of this, as is oft times, it brings back a paraphrase of the Beatles song “Lucy in the sky with -- Bonzer and Daphne”
End
http://www.baldwincountynow.com/articles/2007/05/24/columnists/doc46534edb797a3076728230.txt
Friday, May 11, 2007
5/9/07
Flip the tassel, YOSOHK '07
Tri'Os
Oddities, observations & opinions
BY Herb Kandel
Thank you, Ye Olde School of Hard Knocks Class of 2007 for inviting me once again to address your commencement exercises. Every effort will be made to keep you awake and make brief the forthcoming, slightly acerbic, pearls of whim and wisdom.
As you know, your class is the one where the average age is mid-40s, or there about. You have made life experiences count toward the credits earned for the conferred degree of Bachelor of Survival. Your alma mater boasts the likes of nine presidents ( Washington, Jackson, Van Buren, Taylor, Fillmore, Lincoln, Andrew Johnson, Cleveland and Truman), John D. Rockefeller Sr. and Bill Gates, Ralph Lauren, Julie Andrews, Agatha Christie, Davy Crockett, Thomas Edison, Henry Ford, Ray Kroc and Claude Monet, to name a few. In addition, let us not forget Eminem and Yogi Bera who once said, “You can hear a lot just by watching.” None of the aforementioned received a formal college degree, and some were dropouts. Alas, even Albert Einstein was a high school dropout who taught himself calculus and had to retake special exams to get into college, having failed the first attempt. You are in good company, relatively speaking.
You all have risen to this plateau despite, or in some cases, because of the hardships encountered during the way. You adapted and prevailed over the surly boss or the family situation, which might have brought you down.
Most of you here know of the recent best selling book “The Secret,” by Rhonda Byrne endorsed by Oprah. However, long before “The Secret” was “The Strangest Secret.” You, dear graduates, were putting into practice “The Strangest Secret,” as set forth by Earl Nightingale.
Nightingale had a radio show, “Our Changing World.” It was the most highly syndicated radio program of its time, spanning more than 40 years up until his retirement. He was heard daily, across the United States and 38 other countries. Some of you may remember him. He was an inspirational speaker, a motivator, and a philosopher (well before Tony Robbins, Depak Chopra, and dare I mention — Donald Trump?). He had a deep somewhat gravelly voice, which resonated confidence. In 1957, he intoned six magical words that formed a blueprint for living and obtaining desired success, those words became a defining moment in many lives.
He said, “We become what we think about.”
This thought was culled from a book by Napoleon Hill, and embellished, almost to a mantra, by Nightingale. Again, “We become what we think about.” Think about it.
He called it “The Strangest Secret”because of its‚ irony — “that this truth of why we become, whatever it is we become, is no “secret” at all, and therefore, it’s “strange” that we don’t all know about it!”
He went on to say, “Our attitude towards others determines their attitude towards us.”
You new graduates have mastered this positive attitude because you had direction, focus, and knew where you were going. Despite obstacles, this inner compass combined with courage, advanced you to your destination. You discovered that even though you may not be the next “American Idol” or win the lottery, you don’t wait for something outside of yourself to make you happy or successful. You already know that your success is based upon the realization of a worthy goal or ideal attained in a steadfast manner (remember the tortoise and hare race).
As for the future: define what is most important to you. Ask yourself two questions then answer them, “Self, what do I enjoy doing? Can I, and will I, be content and enjoy doing it every day, from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. and beyond?”
When you have your answers and put them into practice, you will then have become what you think about, be it merchant, mogul, meanderer, or the best ________ (you fill in the blank).
There is a short Chinese poem : This one makes the net — This one stands and wishes — Would you like to bet — Which one gets the fishes?
In closing, the words of Earl Nightingale, “Jobs are owned by the company, you own your career!”
— And from me: “Remember to floss.”
Congratulations Class of ‘07.
Flip the tassel, YOSOHK '07
Tri'Os
Oddities, observations & opinions
BY Herb Kandel
Thank you, Ye Olde School of Hard Knocks Class of 2007 for inviting me once again to address your commencement exercises. Every effort will be made to keep you awake and make brief the forthcoming, slightly acerbic, pearls of whim and wisdom.
As you know, your class is the one where the average age is mid-40s, or there about. You have made life experiences count toward the credits earned for the conferred degree of Bachelor of Survival. Your alma mater boasts the likes of nine presidents ( Washington, Jackson, Van Buren, Taylor, Fillmore, Lincoln, Andrew Johnson, Cleveland and Truman), John D. Rockefeller Sr. and Bill Gates, Ralph Lauren, Julie Andrews, Agatha Christie, Davy Crockett, Thomas Edison, Henry Ford, Ray Kroc and Claude Monet, to name a few. In addition, let us not forget Eminem and Yogi Bera who once said, “You can hear a lot just by watching.” None of the aforementioned received a formal college degree, and some were dropouts. Alas, even Albert Einstein was a high school dropout who taught himself calculus and had to retake special exams to get into college, having failed the first attempt. You are in good company, relatively speaking.
You all have risen to this plateau despite, or in some cases, because of the hardships encountered during the way. You adapted and prevailed over the surly boss or the family situation, which might have brought you down.
Most of you here know of the recent best selling book “The Secret,” by Rhonda Byrne endorsed by Oprah. However, long before “The Secret” was “The Strangest Secret.” You, dear graduates, were putting into practice “The Strangest Secret,” as set forth by Earl Nightingale.
Nightingale had a radio show, “Our Changing World.” It was the most highly syndicated radio program of its time, spanning more than 40 years up until his retirement. He was heard daily, across the United States and 38 other countries. Some of you may remember him. He was an inspirational speaker, a motivator, and a philosopher (well before Tony Robbins, Depak Chopra, and dare I mention — Donald Trump?). He had a deep somewhat gravelly voice, which resonated confidence. In 1957, he intoned six magical words that formed a blueprint for living and obtaining desired success, those words became a defining moment in many lives.
He said, “We become what we think about.”
This thought was culled from a book by Napoleon Hill, and embellished, almost to a mantra, by Nightingale. Again, “We become what we think about.” Think about it.
He called it “The Strangest Secret”because of its‚ irony — “that this truth of why we become, whatever it is we become, is no “secret” at all, and therefore, it’s “strange” that we don’t all know about it!”
He went on to say, “Our attitude towards others determines their attitude towards us.”
You new graduates have mastered this positive attitude because you had direction, focus, and knew where you were going. Despite obstacles, this inner compass combined with courage, advanced you to your destination. You discovered that even though you may not be the next “American Idol” or win the lottery, you don’t wait for something outside of yourself to make you happy or successful. You already know that your success is based upon the realization of a worthy goal or ideal attained in a steadfast manner (remember the tortoise and hare race).
As for the future: define what is most important to you. Ask yourself two questions then answer them, “Self, what do I enjoy doing? Can I, and will I, be content and enjoy doing it every day, from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. and beyond?”
When you have your answers and put them into practice, you will then have become what you think about, be it merchant, mogul, meanderer, or the best ________ (you fill in the blank).
There is a short Chinese poem : This one makes the net — This one stands and wishes — Would you like to bet — Which one gets the fishes?
In closing, the words of Earl Nightingale, “Jobs are owned by the company, you own your career!”
— And from me: “Remember to floss.”
Congratulations Class of ‘07.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
4/25/07
Tiny bubbles in the sea: a parable
Tri-O’s:Oddities, observations & opinions
Tiny bubbles in the sea: a parable
Tri-O’s:Oddities, observations & opinions
By Herb Kandel
Tiny bubbles in the sea: a parable
In the beginning was the tank, a very large tank. And the Mighty Cod saw that it was good and created the creatures in his likeness and called them fish.Although all were fish, there were many sizes, shapes and colors. Some had different dorsal and pectoral fins. Among the dorsal fins were many textures, stiff, wavy, undulating, curvy, velvety, or rough. Some fish were round or cylindrical, others flat. Their scales had distinct color and texture also. Some were smooth to the touch, others felt like sandpaper while a few were slimy.
It came to pass that certain fish became Yappers. Their chosen profession was to let all the other fish know what was going on in different parts of the big tank as to the latest temperature changes, activity and locations of plankton (the drifting organism that is the mainstay in the aquatic environment) and krill, the other major food staple (the shrimp-like marine invertebrate animal). They did this by bubble-cast. Their bubble-casts could be tuned in (tuna-Ed, in fish talk) whenever the fish desired by just positioning the gill cover to receive the signals. The Yappers also conversed with the fish population on any subject: current currents, tide times, new coral sightings, or even the major schools‚ scores of popular games such as finball, dodge the lure, baits ball, fly catching and other sports.
Other varieties in the group included the Sharpies, and Amberjax. The Sharpies and Amberjax were self-appointed watch-fish who constantly monitored the tank and those who swam in it. They were the would-be judges of any perceived insult, slight, snub, or anything untoward said about fish with certain style fins but particularly their own. Yappers and political fish like the King mackerels being the most verbose because of their profession were easy targets. The Sharpies and Amberjax continued doing this even though they themselves were known in the past to have criticized fish with different scales like the Jewfish and Whiting. They would instantly start gnawing at any Yapper if they felt the Yapper had done something inappropriate. But for the most part all the varieties of fish swam together in the big tank and got along.
It so happened that during a game of crabbage for the tank championship that the Yapper, Ike Muskie, bubbled what he thought was a joke but in reality, as all later agreed, was a stupid, hurtful and uncalled for comment. He referred to the team composed of a diversity of she-fish as “Fuzzy finned ro’s” (an abbreviation for “roers,” i.e., loose female fish who are promiscuous, or immoral and who indiscriminately eject their eggs).
The Sharpies were joined by the Amberjax in pouncing on I. Muskie for this defamation. They organized picket lines in front of the headquarters of Sea Bubble System, Ike’s employer, demanding that they give Ike the hook. Included among the many that picketed were Rainbow trout, Black grouper, Orange roughy (for the mussel) and Red herring (just for the halibut).
Realizing the error of his stupidity, Ike apologized to the team and to all the fish he had offended. Many accepted his apology but the Sharpies and Amberjax still demanded their pound of fillet. Much was made of this incident, and it dominated a majority of all the bubble-casts — even replacing the pink salmon paternity debate about Anna Mack-rell’s fingerling and the war against Terror-fish waging in a far-off part of the tank.
The management of Sea B.S. Floundered at first and skated around the issue Then, knowing they were caught in the net of a controversy with many tentacles, they relented and reeled in Ike. Verily, when asked why I. Muskie was yanked from bubble-casting, the explanation given was that he got caught in catch 22 where no matter in which stream you choose to swim, it turns out to be against the current — as in a riptide — and if you did not try to swim, then you get carried away with the tide to drown. Either way you are in a whirlpool of trouble.Some contend that Ike should have been caught, grilled and released. Others accepted managements’ decision, while a minority chanted the dictum of pre-destination and invoked, “In Cod We Trust.”
END
Herb Kandel is an entrepreneur and a former human resources executive who now lives in Fairhope. He can be contacted at hekan@mail.com
4/11/07
Dirty little secrets of Max Stout
Tri-O's Oddities, observations, and opinions
By Herb Kandel
Dirty little secrets of Max Stout
Hardly a week goes by when one credit card company or another seeks me out offering a pre-approved credit card with a high credit limit and low interest rates. Who knew I was so popular and credit-worthy? But wait- - it seems that I'm just one of eight billion who have been the recipient of similar solicitations last year. What gives when massive missives cause the cutting of thousands of trees and other multi-related expenses just to put another piece of plastic in wallets? How can you build a defense against this unsolicited wastebasket stuffer? What is a beleaguered person to do?
With the help of my imaginary whistle blower Max Stout we‘ll explore some credit card practices and policies and build some defenses to thwart them.
Max and I were listening to NPR “Fresh Air” when hostess Terry Gross interviewed Elizabeth Warren a Harvard Law Professor and bankruptcy expert. Warren is also the author of “The Two-Income Trap: Why Middle Class Mothers and Fathers Are Going Broke.”
“Max, is it true as Ms .Warren states that if a young couple charges $5,000 worth of baby supplies and pays the minimum, the baby will be grown, married, and have babies of his/her own before the debt is paid off?”
“’Fraid so. At some of today’s rates It can be upwards of 26 to 34 years.”
“ And why do they refer to people who pay their bills in full each month as ‘deadbeats’?”
“Credit card companies make money three ways. First, through a merchant discount fee; each time you charge something, the vender has to pay a fee. Second through interest on the unpaid balance. But the third way is the ‘jackpot’ – the high double digit fees the companies charge when the customer fails to make payments on time. Paying your full bill on time provides only about $21 billion annually, small potatoes. The ‘real’ profits come from fees charged for over-limit, or late fees or default rates of interest.”
“Isn't that usury?”
Max smiled knowingly as he said, ”Credit card contracts usually state ‘we have the right to change the rates, fees, and terms at any time, for any reason’ so they can charge you whatever they want. Ever notice that most issuers are based out of Delaware, South Dakota, California, and Tennessee? According to the American Bankers Association these states have no maximums on delinquency fees, cash advance fees, over-the-limit fees, transaction fees, stop payment fees, ATM fees, and mandatory grace period”
“How did that happen?”
“In 1978 the Supreme Court had ruled that a national bank could impose any credit rate allowed by the state in which it is located. That’s why South Dakota is so popular in banking circles.”
“Are there other things to be wary of?”
“Watch the interest rate even if you pay on time, some credit card companies will hike your rate if they see you've made a late payment on another card. Check the due date, for months your bill will be due on a certain date, then without notice the date will be moved several days earlier or fall on a holiday or a Sunday. If paying by mail allow more delivery time, as some issuers send east coast cardholders pre-printed envelopes directing their payments to some town on the west coast - a small town because it takes longer for mail to be distributed - while west coast customers mail, you guessed it, go to a small town on the east coast. If you receive an unjustified charge fight it. Warren claimed, ‘This year, one company hit everybody with a $75 fee. Anybody who complained got the fee removed from their bill. This way, the company kept their "alert, cranky customers" and got $75 from the careless and timid’”
“Max, it all seems like a one way street if you're not vigilant.”, I sighed.
“That’s right you get the benefit, advantage, convenience of credit, and perhaps some perks but you must be familiar with the rules and the pitfalls.”
“Can I at least stop the relentless pre-approved offers?”
“ Sure thing”, he said as if anticipating the question,“ Just like the telephone marketers ‘no call’ list, consumers who call 1-888-5OPTOUT or visit www.optoutprescreen.com can “opt out” of most mailings. Your name will not be eligible for inclusion on lists used for offers of credit or insurance for five years; there is also an option to make this permanent. Destroy the applications you are not interested in, as thieves practice ‘dumpster diving’ to retrieve them and try to activate them. If your mail is delivered to a place where others have easy access to it, criminals may intercept and redirect your mail.”
“Thanks for the heads-up, Max. Where are you going now?”
“To buy more stock in a shredder company.”
END
Dirty little secrets of Max Stout
Tri-O's Oddities, observations, and opinions
By Herb Kandel
Dirty little secrets of Max Stout
Hardly a week goes by when one credit card company or another seeks me out offering a pre-approved credit card with a high credit limit and low interest rates. Who knew I was so popular and credit-worthy? But wait- - it seems that I'm just one of eight billion who have been the recipient of similar solicitations last year. What gives when massive missives cause the cutting of thousands of trees and other multi-related expenses just to put another piece of plastic in wallets? How can you build a defense against this unsolicited wastebasket stuffer? What is a beleaguered person to do?
With the help of my imaginary whistle blower Max Stout we‘ll explore some credit card practices and policies and build some defenses to thwart them.
Max and I were listening to NPR “Fresh Air” when hostess Terry Gross interviewed Elizabeth Warren a Harvard Law Professor and bankruptcy expert. Warren is also the author of “The Two-Income Trap: Why Middle Class Mothers and Fathers Are Going Broke.”
“Max, is it true as Ms .Warren states that if a young couple charges $5,000 worth of baby supplies and pays the minimum, the baby will be grown, married, and have babies of his/her own before the debt is paid off?”
“’Fraid so. At some of today’s rates It can be upwards of 26 to 34 years.”
“ And why do they refer to people who pay their bills in full each month as ‘deadbeats’?”
“Credit card companies make money three ways. First, through a merchant discount fee; each time you charge something, the vender has to pay a fee. Second through interest on the unpaid balance. But the third way is the ‘jackpot’ – the high double digit fees the companies charge when the customer fails to make payments on time. Paying your full bill on time provides only about $21 billion annually, small potatoes. The ‘real’ profits come from fees charged for over-limit, or late fees or default rates of interest.”
“Isn't that usury?”
Max smiled knowingly as he said, ”Credit card contracts usually state ‘we have the right to change the rates, fees, and terms at any time, for any reason’ so they can charge you whatever they want. Ever notice that most issuers are based out of Delaware, South Dakota, California, and Tennessee? According to the American Bankers Association these states have no maximums on delinquency fees, cash advance fees, over-the-limit fees, transaction fees, stop payment fees, ATM fees, and mandatory grace period”
“How did that happen?”
“In 1978 the Supreme Court had ruled that a national bank could impose any credit rate allowed by the state in which it is located. That’s why South Dakota is so popular in banking circles.”
“Are there other things to be wary of?”
“Watch the interest rate even if you pay on time, some credit card companies will hike your rate if they see you've made a late payment on another card. Check the due date, for months your bill will be due on a certain date, then without notice the date will be moved several days earlier or fall on a holiday or a Sunday. If paying by mail allow more delivery time, as some issuers send east coast cardholders pre-printed envelopes directing their payments to some town on the west coast - a small town because it takes longer for mail to be distributed - while west coast customers mail, you guessed it, go to a small town on the east coast. If you receive an unjustified charge fight it. Warren claimed, ‘This year, one company hit everybody with a $75 fee. Anybody who complained got the fee removed from their bill. This way, the company kept their "alert, cranky customers" and got $75 from the careless and timid’”
“Max, it all seems like a one way street if you're not vigilant.”, I sighed.
“That’s right you get the benefit, advantage, convenience of credit, and perhaps some perks but you must be familiar with the rules and the pitfalls.”
“Can I at least stop the relentless pre-approved offers?”
“ Sure thing”, he said as if anticipating the question,“ Just like the telephone marketers ‘no call’ list, consumers who call 1-888-5OPTOUT or visit www.optoutprescreen.com can “opt out” of most mailings. Your name will not be eligible for inclusion on lists used for offers of credit or insurance for five years; there is also an option to make this permanent. Destroy the applications you are not interested in, as thieves practice ‘dumpster diving’ to retrieve them and try to activate them. If your mail is delivered to a place where others have easy access to it, criminals may intercept and redirect your mail.”
“Thanks for the heads-up, Max. Where are you going now?”
“To buy more stock in a shredder company.”
END
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
3/28/07
Symbiosis for everyone
Tri-O's Oddities, observations, and opinions
By Herb Kandel
What to do? The problem Germany now faces is a fast aging population, the estimate in 2050 is one third of the population will be over 65 and close to ¾ of a million people will require some type of assisted living plus the facilities in which to accommodate them. Even with a high unemployment rate the openings for elder-care remain unanswered. Some relief was had in the mixing of the elderly with youth centers, vocational schools, and even tapping young men to work there in lieu of their mandatory military hitch. Still the demand exceeds supply so to help fill this gap a fresh solution is being explored now - retraining prostitutes for these positions. Since it was legalized there has been intense competition in the oldest profession and an abundance of ‘vendors’. Too much of that ‘supply’ coupled with no retirement or health plans led to more idle ladies of the night. That’s when someone saw the light…..the red one.
According to “US News & World Report” a pilot program to do just that has been started. The program has about 50 in it and according to the program director, "Prostitutes have already learned to get along with people, and they're usually very good listeners. Plus, they have no reservations about touching people's bodies." Another peripheral benefit was ….but I‘ll get to that later.
This type of relationship is similar to mutuality in symbiosis. That is when two or more species live and interact closely wherein both benefit. For example, the clown fish and the anemone where the fish feeds the poisonous anemone, the anemone protects the fish. Another is the tickbirds and the rhinoceros where the birds get dinner, a free ride, and protection and the rhinos get a companion who picks ticks off its back.
That relationship of contributing and receiving got me to thinking of other occasions where mutuality could be applied, both practical and theoretical, and realistic and whimsical. But instead of different species let's consider only human inter-relationships.
Remember Yenta the matchmaker in “Fiddler on the Roof” saying, “ With the way she looks and the way he sees, it’s a perfect match.”? In the movie “See No Evil, Hear No Evil” Gene Wilder is deaf, and Richard Pryor is blind. They witness a murder, Gene saw it and Richard heard it but they had to combine their senses to save themselves from the killers attempts to stop them from testifying.
When a German bar installed in the urinals little cogwheels that start to rotate once you ‘hit’ them they found that not only were the toilets more hygienic but they saved money on cleaning, all by giving their customers amusement utilizing a bodily function. Some have even built in LEDs to produce a lightshow with sounds. Tell me that’s not an inducement to belly up to the bar to drink more beer! Free enterprise symbiosis par excellence.
Tom Sawyer got his fence whitewashed by his friends (and made them pay for the ‘privilege’) when he got them believing that the chore was a fun task that few could do. Wrote Mark Twain, “He had discovered a great law of human action, without knowing it -- namely, that in order to make a man or a boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to attain“. Both parties got what they wanted but Tom got the ‘mostest’.
Consider the carpenter aiding the orthopedist in the placement of those artificial joints and limbs. Imagine elbow hinges with spring-like attachments that could absorb the impacts of making continual smashes without fear of getting tennis elbow. Or a cervical implant preventing head movement when putting on the golf course.
How about an artist linking with the IRS form writer? This would take some of the pain out while filling in a 1040 if it had a little color combined with icons, arrows, marginal hints, and a smiley face on the ‘Amount to be refunded’ line.
A chef working hand in hand with a cabinet maker and architect can save the home cook many steps, and food drippings, by the most efficient placement of appliance space, shelves, drawers, hooks, vents, etc.. Now, there’s thought for food!
What if your local cable and telephone provider charges were deducted from your pay check? And what if that payment was delayed, or credited, for the same amount of time spent trying to get them on the phone plus when the repair is made, every time there is an outage or dropped call?
Mutuality may not be the uppermost thought as we go about our living but we practice it several times a day…..every time we wash our hands.
Getting back to the lead example above: as an additional benefit that may accrue by having the former prostitutes aid the elderly in assisted living facilities - expenses in Viagra purchases should be substantially reduced.
END
Symbiosis for everyone
Tri-O's Oddities, observations, and opinions
By Herb Kandel
What to do? The problem Germany now faces is a fast aging population, the estimate in 2050 is one third of the population will be over 65 and close to ¾ of a million people will require some type of assisted living plus the facilities in which to accommodate them. Even with a high unemployment rate the openings for elder-care remain unanswered. Some relief was had in the mixing of the elderly with youth centers, vocational schools, and even tapping young men to work there in lieu of their mandatory military hitch. Still the demand exceeds supply so to help fill this gap a fresh solution is being explored now - retraining prostitutes for these positions. Since it was legalized there has been intense competition in the oldest profession and an abundance of ‘vendors’. Too much of that ‘supply’ coupled with no retirement or health plans led to more idle ladies of the night. That’s when someone saw the light…..the red one.
According to “US News & World Report” a pilot program to do just that has been started. The program has about 50 in it and according to the program director, "Prostitutes have already learned to get along with people, and they're usually very good listeners. Plus, they have no reservations about touching people's bodies." Another peripheral benefit was ….but I‘ll get to that later.
This type of relationship is similar to mutuality in symbiosis. That is when two or more species live and interact closely wherein both benefit. For example, the clown fish and the anemone where the fish feeds the poisonous anemone, the anemone protects the fish. Another is the tickbirds and the rhinoceros where the birds get dinner, a free ride, and protection and the rhinos get a companion who picks ticks off its back.
That relationship of contributing and receiving got me to thinking of other occasions where mutuality could be applied, both practical and theoretical, and realistic and whimsical. But instead of different species let's consider only human inter-relationships.
Remember Yenta the matchmaker in “Fiddler on the Roof” saying, “ With the way she looks and the way he sees, it’s a perfect match.”? In the movie “See No Evil, Hear No Evil” Gene Wilder is deaf, and Richard Pryor is blind. They witness a murder, Gene saw it and Richard heard it but they had to combine their senses to save themselves from the killers attempts to stop them from testifying.
When a German bar installed in the urinals little cogwheels that start to rotate once you ‘hit’ them they found that not only were the toilets more hygienic but they saved money on cleaning, all by giving their customers amusement utilizing a bodily function. Some have even built in LEDs to produce a lightshow with sounds. Tell me that’s not an inducement to belly up to the bar to drink more beer! Free enterprise symbiosis par excellence.
Tom Sawyer got his fence whitewashed by his friends (and made them pay for the ‘privilege’) when he got them believing that the chore was a fun task that few could do. Wrote Mark Twain, “He had discovered a great law of human action, without knowing it -- namely, that in order to make a man or a boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to attain“. Both parties got what they wanted but Tom got the ‘mostest’.
Consider the carpenter aiding the orthopedist in the placement of those artificial joints and limbs. Imagine elbow hinges with spring-like attachments that could absorb the impacts of making continual smashes without fear of getting tennis elbow. Or a cervical implant preventing head movement when putting on the golf course.
How about an artist linking with the IRS form writer? This would take some of the pain out while filling in a 1040 if it had a little color combined with icons, arrows, marginal hints, and a smiley face on the ‘Amount to be refunded’ line.
A chef working hand in hand with a cabinet maker and architect can save the home cook many steps, and food drippings, by the most efficient placement of appliance space, shelves, drawers, hooks, vents, etc.. Now, there’s thought for food!
What if your local cable and telephone provider charges were deducted from your pay check? And what if that payment was delayed, or credited, for the same amount of time spent trying to get them on the phone plus when the repair is made, every time there is an outage or dropped call?
Mutuality may not be the uppermost thought as we go about our living but we practice it several times a day…..every time we wash our hands.
Getting back to the lead example above: as an additional benefit that may accrue by having the former prostitutes aid the elderly in assisted living facilities - expenses in Viagra purchases should be substantially reduced.
END
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
3/14/07
I’m ready for my close-up, boss
Tri-O's Oddities, observations, and opinions
By Herb Kandel
There was a time in America when all an employer had to do to hire an employee was to put a "HELP WANTED" sign visible on the street. In Boston in the mid 1800’s the first known private employment agency was established. They were crude by contemporary standards. They consisted of merely listing available labor and making these lists available to the employer. A small fee was charged to the applicant for registering and a larger fee if a job was accepted. Most jobs were in the blue-collar category. It was during World War I that employment agencies aided the government by finding, screening, and testing. The filing system was improved which led to placing people in government and in war plants. After the war, agencies did a remarkable job in relocating personnel into peacetime positions. During the Depression the government set up a network of tax supported employment agencies primarily for semi-skilled and unskilled workers while most employers still used private employment agencies for skilled, white-collar, and technical personnel. Most private agencies were applicant paid until the mid 1970’s when the employer paid fees started attracting the applicants who felt that their talents and skills were part of the employers obligations.
The main tool to open the door when applying for a new job had been the résumé. The one or two page sheet listing objective, education, experience, and qualifications. Statistically for every 200 résumé's received by the average employer only one interview is granted. The résumé that took days to get ‘just right’ will be quickly scanned, rather than read, and evaluated in ten to 20 seconds. If the first impression fails to impress a prospective employer to read further, it goes into the circular file.
Fast forward to the age of the Internet. The ink on paper is being replaced by the pixel on the screen. For the past 15 years job seekers have been posting their résumés on numerous Internet sites. The latest tweak is the video résumé, or as I call it, the vidomé. Go to You Tube, there you can view two to five minute uploaded vidomés from candidates seeking interviews, over 1500 of them. There are other sites that feature potential workplaces and another that uses webcams to pose real-time interview questions to candidates ( they prep the candidate, i.e., be well groomed, dress appropriately, do not chew gum or smoke).
In ‘the old days’ (pre-pixels) companies and recruiters would not accept résumés that had photos attached because of potential law suits. Many résumés that were submitted omitted the persons name by substituting a numeric ID, citing instances that bias might be shown by favoring certain racial sounding names.
Human resources departments are now in a quandary. Will viewing a vidomé invite a lawsuit by the videoed candidate who feels they were disqualified because of age, race, disability, or gender? Another wrinkle is that paper and typing words on it is available to everyone, not so the computer and web cam, and this may open the door for additional litigation .
As more and more applicants utilize this mode of presentation the more sophisticated they will become and the candidate who gets the in-person interview may not be the most qualified but the one who has a touch of a Steven Spielberg. A vidomé may have poor lighting or is unsteady which is the equivalent of having a typo on the printed résumé. A recent survey listed the responses from 150 senior executives at the nation’s 1,000 largest companies. Executives were asked "How many typos in a résumé does it take for you to decide not to consider a job candidate for a position with your company?" Their responses: one typo, 47 percent; two typos, 37 percent; four or more typos, 6 percent; and no answer, 3 percent. So extreme attention to detail is a must for all job seekers.
In the long run it will be the employers who will determine if vidomés are a viable avenue for the job seeker. Time to review any form of solicitation being a major factor. It is a rare human resource person who will spent five minutes studying a single video when he/she could have evaluated 15 to 20 in that same time. Though the vidomé is a small current fad I believe paper over pixel will win just like paper over rock. And have you noticed a complete turn-around to the ‘old days’ with billboards and window signs almost pleading "NOW HIRING"? Who knows, the next innovative form may be a return to sandwich signs.
END
I’m ready for my close-up, boss
Tri-O's Oddities, observations, and opinions
By Herb Kandel
There was a time in America when all an employer had to do to hire an employee was to put a "HELP WANTED" sign visible on the street. In Boston in the mid 1800’s the first known private employment agency was established. They were crude by contemporary standards. They consisted of merely listing available labor and making these lists available to the employer. A small fee was charged to the applicant for registering and a larger fee if a job was accepted. Most jobs were in the blue-collar category. It was during World War I that employment agencies aided the government by finding, screening, and testing. The filing system was improved which led to placing people in government and in war plants. After the war, agencies did a remarkable job in relocating personnel into peacetime positions. During the Depression the government set up a network of tax supported employment agencies primarily for semi-skilled and unskilled workers while most employers still used private employment agencies for skilled, white-collar, and technical personnel. Most private agencies were applicant paid until the mid 1970’s when the employer paid fees started attracting the applicants who felt that their talents and skills were part of the employers obligations.
The main tool to open the door when applying for a new job had been the résumé. The one or two page sheet listing objective, education, experience, and qualifications. Statistically for every 200 résumé's received by the average employer only one interview is granted. The résumé that took days to get ‘just right’ will be quickly scanned, rather than read, and evaluated in ten to 20 seconds. If the first impression fails to impress a prospective employer to read further, it goes into the circular file.
Fast forward to the age of the Internet. The ink on paper is being replaced by the pixel on the screen. For the past 15 years job seekers have been posting their résumés on numerous Internet sites. The latest tweak is the video résumé, or as I call it, the vidomé. Go to You Tube, there you can view two to five minute uploaded vidomés from candidates seeking interviews, over 1500 of them. There are other sites that feature potential workplaces and another that uses webcams to pose real-time interview questions to candidates ( they prep the candidate, i.e., be well groomed, dress appropriately, do not chew gum or smoke).
In ‘the old days’ (pre-pixels) companies and recruiters would not accept résumés that had photos attached because of potential law suits. Many résumés that were submitted omitted the persons name by substituting a numeric ID, citing instances that bias might be shown by favoring certain racial sounding names.
Human resources departments are now in a quandary. Will viewing a vidomé invite a lawsuit by the videoed candidate who feels they were disqualified because of age, race, disability, or gender? Another wrinkle is that paper and typing words on it is available to everyone, not so the computer and web cam, and this may open the door for additional litigation .
As more and more applicants utilize this mode of presentation the more sophisticated they will become and the candidate who gets the in-person interview may not be the most qualified but the one who has a touch of a Steven Spielberg. A vidomé may have poor lighting or is unsteady which is the equivalent of having a typo on the printed résumé. A recent survey listed the responses from 150 senior executives at the nation’s 1,000 largest companies. Executives were asked "How many typos in a résumé does it take for you to decide not to consider a job candidate for a position with your company?" Their responses: one typo, 47 percent; two typos, 37 percent; four or more typos, 6 percent; and no answer, 3 percent. So extreme attention to detail is a must for all job seekers.
In the long run it will be the employers who will determine if vidomés are a viable avenue for the job seeker. Time to review any form of solicitation being a major factor. It is a rare human resource person who will spent five minutes studying a single video when he/she could have evaluated 15 to 20 in that same time. Though the vidomé is a small current fad I believe paper over pixel will win just like paper over rock. And have you noticed a complete turn-around to the ‘old days’ with billboards and window signs almost pleading "NOW HIRING"? Who knows, the next innovative form may be a return to sandwich signs.
END
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