12/23/06

Miracles 101



Tri-O's oddities, observations, and opinions
by Herb Kandel


At this time of year we hear of Christmas miracles. Positive outcomes from dire situations with unaccounted explanations as to how they occurred. Credit a higher power or just plain luck for the intervention, however they occurred; but there are those who can attribute their own "miracle" to their own effort or being in the right place at the right time. Here are a few examples.
Henrico Frank was a 37 year old construction worker unemployed for the last six years in Germany, which has four million unemployed (almost 10 percent). The mall at Christmas time in Wiesbaden was busy as he strolled through, " wearing grubby clothes, a pair of nose rings and a thatch of partially bleached, punk-inspired hair." He happened to see the chairman of the Social Democratic Party , Kurt Beck, who was then berated by Frank for the failure of economic reforms to help people like himself to find work and have a better life. Beck responded, "If you would just wash and shave, you'd find a job, too."Two days later Frank called a news conference. He had a different look. A trim haircut, clean shaven, no nose rings. "I am ready to change," the newly chiseled Frank stated, "I’ll take any job." The media picked up on it and he stepped into his 15 minutes of fame as he became the main news feature and his before-and-after makeover photos appeared on front pages. Beck now plans to present Frank with several job offers.
Yu Minhong taught English at Beijing University but he quit this secure position and started up a business to help students develop their English skills. Since then he has helped hundreds of thousands of Chinese students get into U.S. universities."The company, New Oriental Education and Technology Group, was listed on the New York Stock Exchange in September, the first private education company to achieve this feat. Yu is thought to be China's richest teacher with about 2 billion yuan (250 million U.S. dollars) of assets." states the Guangzhou web site.It was no easy road for Yu. His father was a peasant and carpenter and Yu watched him collect bits of waste brick and stones and stack them up in the small courtyard of their rural home. Slowly Yu saw his father transform the stones into a small pen to shut in the pigs, hens and ducks. At that time, his family could not afford to buy bricks. He remembers his father telling him, "If a pyramid was dismantled, it would just be a pile of stones. If you live your life without an aim, it's just a heap of days." His father's patient stone-piling lesson had tremendous influence and today Yu's company no longer only teaches English. His business has extended to other foreign language training, preparing students for tests, primary and secondary school education and software as well as on-line education. In 1993, New Oriental had only 30 students today it is China's largest private education service provider with more than three million student enrollments. There is a network of 25 schools and 111 learning centers in 24 cities, an on-line network that has attracted 2 million registered users. Clearly, teaching English can make people rich in China.
She was just 21 when Lisa Renshaw offered to work for free, in exchange for equity, to the owner of a troubled downtown Baltimore parking lot . The owner left town soon after, taking the loan of $3,000 that Renshaw had taken out in her name. She stayed, renegotiated the lease, and bargained to lower the monthly payments in order to achieve breaking even.She built the business by greeting customers daily, handing out fliers, promoting heavily to Amtrak riders who used a nearby station, offering carpooling assistance, and giving free car washes to anyone who parked in her lot for five days. The lot's occupancy rate increased from less than 10% to more than 70% in three years. Of late she employed 300 people, with 68 garages and parking lots, and generating $28 million in annual revenues.This is the same gutsy lady who lived in a 10 x 12 foot room for three and a half years while she built her parking garage into a respectable business.
The people above achieved their goals by taking it upon themselves to create their own destiny. Devine intervention is most welcome and appreciated at any time but a little self initiative and a lot of "stick- to- it-tivity" goes a long way. So while you wait for help from Clarence, Angel-second class, as did Jimmie Stewart in "It’s A Wonderful Life", you may want to give those bootstraps a yank.
End

12/8/06

Autumn’s eve thoughts on words

By Herb Kandel

Tri-O's Oddities, observations, and opinions
Autumn’s eve thoughts on words
Three Little Big Words
On a Public Broadcast Service web site called P.O.V. (Point of View) they posed the question “How would you describe America in three words?” to people both here and from around the globe. There was no claim to scientific accuracy in the survey. The answers were somewhat surprising, reassuring, and in several, disturbing. Similar to looking into a mirror then seeing that zit on your cheek was more prominent than you thought, but on the other hand you're having a good hair day. Here are the top 10 of what that particular mirror reflected in describing America - #10 Proud #9 Materialistic #8 (tie) Independent/Naïve #7 Powerful #6 Opportunity #5 Greedy #4 Arrogant #3 Diverse #2 Freedom (combined with Free) and at #1 (bugle sound ….. ta-dah) Ignorant. So it looks like we, as a nation, are envisioned as a bunch of unaware dummies of assorted ethnicities who seek more “stuff” and flaunt our possessions because we have the power, chance and freedom to do so.
There is probably a smattering of truth in the descriptions as there is in any stereotyping but it seems that the overall concept has a suspicious tinge of envy with too loud a protest. If we are as appalling as 4 of the indicators portray us to be, why are so many seeking entry here? Is it because of the other 6, with freedom and opportunity in the forefront? I daresay “You got it.“
Had they asked me for my three words I would have suggested trustworthy, compassionate, and honorable. The Yiddish word “mensch”, that has migrated into everyday speech, encapsulates those, and similar type virtues. According to Leo Rosten, author of The Joys of Yiddish “[A] mensch is a someone to admire and emulate, someone of noble character. The key to being "a real mensch" is nothing less than character, rectitude, dignity, a sense of what is right, responsible, decorous.”
What would your three words be? Think about it and send me your choices with “3 words“ in the subject field*. The results will be tallied and reported..
World word replication?
In line with world perception of the U.S., The Guardian in the UK did a survey of 10 countries. One question asked was “Overall do you have a favourable [sic] or unfavourable [sic] opinion of Americans?” Favorable with 81% was Israel, 74% Japan, 73% Canada---- the bottom three who considered us unfavorably were Mexico 43%, Spain 32%, and South Korea 30%. To the question “By its actions, does the United States contribute to world peace?” The top three with a “Yes” were Mexico 63%, Israel 61%, Russia 48%---- the “No”’s were Japan 53%, Canada 52%, and South Korea 49%
Those statistics cause me to scratch my head. Some countries see us favorably and at the same time say that we do not contribute to world peace. That is about as divisive as was the campaign ads in the last election. Are they saying our intentions are noble but our means in achieving them is perverse? Or are these findings just an echoing of what we are experiencing here in the U.S., i.e., difference of opinions which led to the turnover of the congressional leadership? As in the song “We are the world , we are the people” conversely “We are the people, we are the world”. Therefore what the administration and its adversaries are pondering is the equivalent of what other countries are troubled about also. So it seems that how the world perceives us is the extrapolation of what we ourselves are experiencing here.
Redundant Words
Sometimes my hearing “envisions” speech as if it was monitoring an oscilloscope. There are familiar patterns that go along in normal sequences and then up pops a blip. Several months ago I vented about how the word “like” has insidiously burrowed its way into the vocabularies of teen-angers and celebrities. Every time the word is used the glitch spikes. It was mentioned then that the consistent use of the word renders the conversation trite, and downright boring.
Now my blips are occurring with more frequency and I seem to see the sheep are in the herding process again with a new word.. Have you noticed (heard) how “really” comes into speech patterns more and more ? If you listen you will hear “It really is” and it's counterparts making more inroads into everyday language. It is as if you have to insert “really” into a statement to give it an endorsement or an affirmation that what is said is verifiable and without question accurate. I recall the admonition to take as less than gospel anything that follows “To tell you the truth……….” .
So, like, remember your hearing it here, like, on the cutting edge. You really are!
* hekan@mail.com
END

11/22/06

A Modest Proposal, Mon Cher

Tri-O's Oddities, observations, and opinions
By Herb Kandel


Well it’s happened. And now that it has we can predict with more certainty that the world as we have known it is changing, and it is probably not for the better. But wait, there may yet be some hope.
I’m referring to what happened in Paris, France last week and last year. There was just 1,188 kissers who showed up this past Thursday to try to break the Guinness World Records for the most people kissing on one place at one moment. It was far short as the record is still held by Budapest, where in 2005 they won it with 11,570 pairs of lips meeting. Or as Ross Perot would say “ Y’all listen to that big sucking sound.”
When the city known universally for romance and truffles loses to the city in which a Hungarian travel channel titled it "Budapest is a riot! That's why we love it!" and goulash, you know you are, as Harold Hill said , “in Trouble …….with a capital T and that rhymes with P and that stands for….” Paris.
This also marks the one-year anniversary of the urban uprising in France. There was a series of riots and violent clashes, involving mainly the burning of cars and public buildings by youth groups. Starting in the Paris area, the unrest subsequently spread to other regions. The violence involved mostly French citizens with North African origins, although not all. These events led to strong debates about integration and discrimination in France. And this past March there was a “strike” by students in the country to protest proposed new legislation that would allow employers to fire people, under the age of 26, who were on the job during the first two years .
What, you might ask, do these two seemingly non-related events have to do with each other and what is the glimmer of hope that was mentioned? Bear with me.
The reports state the arson, car burnings, and other attacks so far seem to be centered in Muslim and African communities. In September 2005, a soaring 21.7% of 15- to 24-year-olds in France were unemployed. And of this it is estimated that 3o-50% in that group is Muslim. According to my math, using a median figure of 40% unemployed, comes to over ¾ of a million Muslims. That, by any standard, is a lot of potential pucker-uppers.
Now supposing these unemployed folks would have all participated in the “kiss-off”. This would mean that some of the Muslim ladies would have to lift the face-covering veil, known as a niqab, and some of the men would do likewise with their ski masks. With all these new pursed lips this mammoth smooch would resonate from the Palais Royal to Place Pigalle and the city would snatch the title back from the Hungarians just as quickly as you could say “Pass the paprika” (and that‘S noting to sneeze at).
With the attention, prominence, and approbation that Paris would receive would come the visitors, tourists, and those vicarious seekers of pleasure who take delight in being where the action was, and hoping for some themselves. I propose the mantra “If you kiss a lot, they will spend”. This great influx of sightseers would require more people to handle all the necessary work involved. Think of all the employment opportunities this new burgeoning market would require… travel agents; transportation; hospitality; food production, preparation, and serving; accounting; advertising; security; sanitation; entertainment; lip balm; to say nothing of health care (the BBC reports “ well over 5 million bacteria are exchanged in one long, lingering passionate kiss”), and the list goes on.
There, my friends, is a simple solution to a situation requiring no G8 summit conference. Think of it……..the simplicity of a kiss to change a whole economy and lead to social reform. So simple, it’s origin according to one version, comes from the transfer of pre-chewed food from a mother to her baby in primitive times and later to adults. The Indian culture believed there was a joining of souls when two people exchanged exhaled breath. And the Ingrid Bergman theory, "a kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous".
Regardless of how it came about the kiss is here to stay. So all the French government has to do is ask their citizens , “ Can’t we all just kiss together?”. And to propose to the Muslim community ( apologies to Oscar Hammerstein) “ditch that mask and lift that veil, you’ll get a lot of work and there’ll be no bail”. For without a coming together , France will become a playground for only the very well-to-do, where the biggest growth industries will be security and the Gendarmes.
END

11/1/06
In Praise of the Good and Long Lasting

By Herb Kandel

Tri-O's Oddities, observations, and opinions


In these days of IM (instant messaging), instant phone photos, instant online streaming, instant coffee, and the sought after instant gratification, it seems that we should pull in the reins of the stop watch and savor a few of the everyday, taken-for-granted, quality products that we benefit from. These may not be world shaking item recognitions, but they have made life easier, safer, more productive, and palatable.
I don’t remember the last time I bought a styptic pencil. Perhaps 20 years ago, or I may be using the same one my father had. This is the handy dandy item that staunch the bleeding when you get a "gotcha‘" nick while shaving. This small white cylinder of aluminum sulfate that is so inexpensive and does what it was made to do is a product worthy of mention. How the manufacturers remain in business is a mystery, as they last so long. Their only detractor seems to be Dracula.
Think about the simplicity of the paper clip. Yes, that bent piece of wire that grips several sheets of paper together . Did you know that before the paper clip was invented by a Norwegian in 1899, straight pins were being sold by the half pound for the explicit purpose of temporarily fastening pages . Ouch!!
Speaking of wire.....the shaped wire coat hanger performs it’s intended purpose masterfully. Before the hanger was invented, in 1903, there was the wall hook or wooden peg, which eventually stretched and distorted the garment that was hung from it. And I wonder how many car doors that this device has opened, used as a TV antenna, to roast marshmallows, to reach anything unreachable, and the list goes on and on.
Sara Lee Pound Cake is still a treasure that never fails to please. A consistent quality product which you can count on plain, toasted, or as French toast.
Many years ago I bought a white nylon comb from the Fuller Brush man. The comb has served me well as it segued from brown thick locks to sparse gray on this head. Fuller products were known for being pricey but their quality more than made up for it in their dependability and longevity. Although I have not seen a door-to-door Fuller Brush person in decades I am glad to see that they are still available online.
I don’t know how many times have I dropped my Sony Walkman, but when it happened I was not concerned that it would shatter. It has withstood a lot of sudden floor and sidewalk contact. I wonder if the iPod can do that well? So play it again, Sam.
Ever own a Cross pen or pencil? They will repair or replace them for free as long as you own them. This policy was tested recently when a 20 year old pen was sent to them for repair and returned in tip-top shape. Write on!
When I was growing up there seemed to be a shoe repair shop every few blocks. Of late that trade has almost, but not quite, gone the way of buggy whips. One of the reasons is the Birkenstock line of foot wear. They seem to wear like iron and yet remain comfortable. Johann Adam Birkenstock cobbled his shoes in Germany in the late 1700's. His shoes were designed so that they would follow the shape of the persons feet, so he contoured them to do just that. Though they have industrialized the manufacturing they still maintain the quality of the product sculpted by the originator using his hand tools. To paraphrase the motto on the historic flag, "Please Tread On Me" should be their slogan.
The year was 1896 and Austrian immigrant Leo Hirshfield stirs his batch of chocolatey, chewy candy, which he names after his five-year-old daughter, Clara, whose nickname is "Tootsie". It was the first penny candy to be individually wrapped in paper. In 110 years it is reported that it still looks and tastes astoundingly like the first Tootsie Roll, and even more unbelievable it still sells for about the same price. The company produces more than sixty two million per day. How sweet it is!!
The next time you use a zipper or can opener, taste peanut butter or an ice cream cone, wear Levi’s jeans or L.L. Bean boots, think of what you might have missed had not someone of integrity sought a better way to accomplish that task which is now such a part of everyday living comfort. So here is a nod of thanks to those folks for the things we take for granted being well made, long lasting, and for contributing to our well being.
END

10/18/06

Where have all the funnies gone?

Tri-O's Oddities, observations, and opinions
By Herb Kandel

One of the joys while growing up was the anticipation every Sunday of reading the “funny pages” of the newspaper. Those Technicolor panels had a life of their own. I was reminded of that time recently.
This past October 4th marked a milestone event, Dick Tracy, the comic strip, turned 75. This staunch defender of the people whose jutting square jaw and broken nose, resembling a numeral “7”, is really older. When first drawn by Chester Gould in 1931 Tracy was a 34 year old bachelor, which would really makes him over 109 years old today. Gould retired in 1977, and died in 1985. The strip is now created by Dick Locher and Michael Kilian but it has much less newspaper syndication. A quick précis of our hero follows.
Tracy became a detective in order to avenge the kidnapping of Tess Trueheart (who became his wife in 1949) and the killing of her father. Gould’s was the first comic strip to approach crime, violence, justice and morality by using news “ripped from the headlines”. Along the way he introduced memorable villains. Those of a certain age will recall his side-show of those characters, among them The Brow, The Blank, Mr. And Mrs. Pruneface, Mole, B.B. Eyes, Little Face, Measels, Mumbles, Flattop, Flyface, Lispy, and in 1977, (gasp) Heroin Herbert .
Gould let us meet Gravel Gerty and B.O. Plenty who were the parents of the beautifully mutated Sparkle Plenty (which spawned a best selling line of dolls 12 years before Barbie). The capitalist Diet Smith gave Tracy the two-way wrist radio in 1946 (that was the first “can you hear me now?“ ) which later was replaced by a wrist-TV and then again into a computer; in 1947 Tracy wore a miniature camera as a ring.
Tracy was parodied by Al Capp in “Li’l Abner”. Abner was a hero-worshipper of Tracy-like “Fearless Fosdick” thus becoming a comic strip within a comic strip (more about Abner below).
Tracy became a grandfather when Sparkle Plenty Jr. Was born in 1988, she is the daughter of Junior Tracy‘S and his second wife, Sparkle Plenty. In 1994 Tess and Tracy were heading toward splitsville but they subsequently reconciled and in 1999 they celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. The crusader is still perusing thugs and justice for all.
The aforementioned “L’il Abner” strip showed a lovable, naïve, muscled, good natured hillbilly, Abner Yokum, always trying to evade the marital intentions of the beautiful, faithful and blouse stretching Daisy Mae. Capp invented the city of Dogpatch and a cast of memorable characters such as Marryin' Sam, Wolf Gal, Lena the Hyena, Indian Lonesome Polecat, Moonbeam McSwine, Stupefyin' Jones, Appassionata von Climax, and Sadie Hawkins . He also created the Shmoo which posed a threat to the world economy as they need only air as sustenance, they craved to be eaten ( fried they tasted like chicken , roasted like beef, raw like oysters). They also produced eggs, milk, butter, leather, buttons, and timber. They were ideal playmates for young children and the most perfect subsistence creature . So who needed to work?
Those two were my favorites but there were others whose adventures I followed as I entered their world. “Terry and the Pirates” took us to the intriguing Far East and the sinister (but later ally) The Dragon Lady. Milton Caniff , Terry’s artist, later created Steve Canyon. “Smilin’ Jack” was the mustached daredevil pilot who had as a sidekick Fatstuff, his Hawaiian friend who always popped his shirt buttons (usually into the gaping mouths of chickens). There was the chinless “Andy Gump” (no relation to Forrest) and his family which faced everyday quandaries as did Uncle Walt and Skeezix in “Gasoline Alley”, these were some of the first comic strip soap operas. “Henry” was a young, bald, very precocious boy who went though all the panels in pantomime, the same as the portly “The Little King”. “Prince Valiant” took us to the days of King Arthur and to a fantasy world of castles, witches, battles, and chivalry all in rich artistry and blazing colors. Walt Kelly’s “Pogo” was a joke a day while “Little Orphan Annie” fought political battles, never changing her red dress or having eye pupils.
So I ask again, Where have all the funnies gone? And answer:
All my above friends have been deferred to another place , but not forgotten. Just as Little Jackie Paper in the land of Hanah Lee, we put aside the “painted wings and giant rings”. Yet they linger lastingly in the folds of our memories ..….and for sale on the pages of eBay.
END

10/4/06

Bigger Brother Is Coming

Tri-O's Oddities, observations, and opinions
By Herb Kandel

A few weeks ago I received a reminder from the Department of Motor Vehicles that my driver license had expired. Not wanting to be a scofflaw on the highways, I drove, with extreme care, to the DMV office where I pulled my number ticket from the dispenser (just like the ones in Marble Slab) and waited for my No. 41 to be called. When it was I learned that I had 60 days from expiration date in which to renew, whew, I no longer felt my face was on the post office “Most Wanted” bulletin board. After paying my $23 and smiling for the photo I was licensed for another 4 years. The whole process took 25 minutes. It may take a lot longer next time, and not only for me.
It seems in May 2005, affixed to a $82 billion emergency spending package that provided money for the military and for tsunami relief, Congress passed the Real ID ACT which is intended to make it tougher for terrorists to obtain driver's licenses and for people without proper identification to board planes, enter federal buildings, and more. Starting May 2008 the law will require states to use sources like birth certificates and national immigration databases to verify that people applying for or renewing driver's licenses are American citizens or legal residents. The kinks will have to be worked out but be prepared for the wait (pretend you are in a doctor’s waiting room).
The card will be electronically readable. You will need this card for almost everything if you live or work in the United States. Not only to board an airplane, but also to open a bank account, collect Social Security payments, or utilize nearly any government service. The Department of Homeland Security is in charge of the Real ID Act. A report released last week by several state government leadership organizations estimates the cost of implementing the Real ID Act at more than $11 billion over the first five years. ”Also, each applicant will need three to four identity documents, and each of those need independent verification.”The information it will encode is name, birth date, sex, ID number, a digital photograph, address, in machine-readable technology.. They are permitted to add additional items such as a fingerprint or retinal scan. We are clueless as to the other identifiers at this time.
What if other establishments had similar requirements and you needed substantiated proof that you are indeed who you are, and are entitled to utilize or purchase their products and/or services. Hmmm…….let’s think:
Let’s say you want to buy a new pair of shoes. The salesperson, with narrowing eyebrows asks, “Is your toe print on file? Have your shoes ever been confiscated before boarding a plane? Do you intend to wear these shoes in a foreign country? “
Go into a coffee shop and you may have to show the person dispensing the latte the card that declares that you are not allergic to caffeine if you have not ordered a de-caf beverage.
The sign in the barber shop and hair salon boldly states “ All hair cuttings will be subject to DNA analysis and We can refuse service to anyone NOT registered (blondes excluded)”
Your health insurance company sends you a letter to the effect, “Electronic monitoring shows that you smoked, or were in the vicinity of smokers, and inhaled fumes. Your premium has been increased 15%”
The AARP now requires a Real ID card swipe for membership entry, but fear not, new rules make anyone breathing eligible.
You go to see an R rated horror movie, the person in the box office refuses you entry because your card indicates you have a heart condition (and you were not allowed buttered popcorn anyway).
The supermarket lets you to buy only what is on the food pyramid as you have exceeded your junk food quota this month.
When you go to the bank to cash a check you need to get an official override of the optical retina scan because your conjunctivitis gave a false reading.
Your computer screen freezes unless you enter your Real ID number and use “Microsoft Rules The World” as your password.
After scanning the card the dentist says, “ Sign the waiver. You haven't changed your toothbrush in 9 months. We are not responsible for your filling failing.”
I dread when the time comes to restock my undergarments and the clerk asks……..but I won't go there. Some things are better off with less public scrutiny.
END

9/20/06
A Tale of Two Fiefs


Tri-O's
oddities, observations, and opinions
by Herb Kandel

There may be some skeptics who doubt…….. but once in a galaxy far, far away and long, long ago there existed a land called Baldwinia. It had two populated areas. One was Orangio By The Sea (OBTS) and the other its near neighbor Fairtopia. Each was unique.
OBTS was a place where the most people wanted to live by the water. They built many lodgings by the shore and some had multiple dwellings. Soon the shoreline was rife with buildings from huts to castles. The population consisted of many vassals and some vassals were superior to others, these were The Overseers And Developers (TOADs). Now a TOAD had a variety of duties, among which was the requirement to attend the lord mayor at his court, help administer justice, and contribute money if needed (the legal tender was coins made of antler material called bucks). In addition they must take up arms if summoned to battle, bringing a contingent of lawyers to protect the lord mayor . When huts, castles, land, and even whole fiefs became available it was the duty of the TOADs to immediately, in secrecy, notify the lord mayor who then could quietly include his name as one of the buyers for the lordly investments, re-sell it at a higher amount, and pocket the big buck difference. As well, they must feed and house the lord mayor and his company when they traveled . The loyal TOADs in addition maintained the lord mayors moat, castle, fences, and gaming preserve. They made sure that the spoked wheels on his riding rig , the Baldwinia Municipal Wagon (BMW) were the most modern.
On the lord mayor’s side, for reciprocity, he was obliged to protect the vassals, and be instrumental in his high office by vouching for the TOAD's recommendations and pushing for his council’s approval of them. The lord mayor and TOADs reveled in the realm of unlimited growth and its potential. This rule of governing in OBTS was the established way for a long time, until…..but we'll get to that shortly.
Meanwhile in Fairtopia, land of the petal and pistil, the inhabitants were of the more earthy kind who valued planting, tilling, and fertilizing . They preferred modest abodes and opposed developing the towering multi- dwelling hutches of their OBTS neighbors. The lord mayor and council of Fairtopia were known to have spurned potential TOADs when they approached.
The trees, shrubs, bushes, vines, foliage, and flowers were the pride of the populace followed closely by the great citadel of records they were constructing to house the many parchments of written stories and documents of present and past happenings.
Among the court was the small knighted force who drove their wheeled wagons used for keeping the peace along the roads and byways.
There was an instance when a major downpour pushed by high winds during the hot season was going to cause great damage. The lord mayor of Fairtopia could not escort his first dame to a safer area as he did not want to leave his post, so he had one of his knights take her out of the area in a fief coach wagon. All was well after the deluge.
Now to get back to the Orangio By The Sea story……..
It came to pass that a traveling minstrel started imparting in verse the doings of OBTS and posting pamphlets. Something to the effect, “ How did all the bucks get stowed/ in the pockets of the Toads ?/ And where was lord mayor in all this?/ Investigate and then dismiss/ Check the facts and give him the boot / if you find he stashed the loot”.
This cry reached the Grand Doge who was the chief ruler of the entire kingdom of fiefs and who controlled all the treasuries. In due course the OBTS lord mayor and his TOADs were tried, found guilty, and punished for their wrong doings.
The minstrel seeing how influential his verse and pamphlets were, thought that this type of attention should be brought to the lord mayor of Fairtopia because of the ride given by his knight to the first dame during the deluge. The minstrel called out , “ We question the manner of transportation/ for those in office by affirmation/ and seek to chastise who transgress/ just like we did OBTS”
But the people, it seemed, were not moved by this call to action. There were other matters of more import to contend with. And elders recalled the lord mayor of the northern land of Grand Apple, Fiorello, who used to ride fire wagons to the cheers of citizens. Soon the matter was forgotten.
The morals: 1. Sometimes ill-gotten bucks can trample TOADs 2. A cry for justice should be in proportion to the allegation or you can't create a tempest in a vassal which can't hold water.

*Personal Note: This column marks the first anniversary of the launch of TRI-O’S. My thanks for all the encouragements (you know who you are).

To Folks out of town: 1. On Sept. 1, 2006 the former (resigned) mayor of Orange Beach, City Attorney and developers were convicted by a federal court jury of fraud and related charges in a real estate scheme in the Gulf Coast resort. 2. Before hurricanes Ivan and Katrina, the Fairhope Mayor had a police officer drive his wife to catch a flight out of Pensacola . The Mayor's use of police drivers came under question on the front page.

9/9/06

A Gallery Of Rogues
TRI-O's
oddities, observations, and opinions
by Herb Kandel



Rogue waves are enormous waves that undulate and swell on the ocean, they are also called freak or monster waves. A seven-story one emerged off the coast of Georgia on April 16, 2005. According to the New York Times “It crashed into the bow, sent deck chairs flying, smashed windows, raced as high as the 10th deck, flooded 62 cabins, injured 4 passengers and sowed widespread fear and panic.” One passenger compared the ship being like a “cork in a bathtub”. Kind of reminds one of the 1974 movie “The Poseidon Adventure”

This got me wondering about different rogue species - objects of nature, imagination, and others. There was the hybrid plant creation of a Venus flytrap which develops a nasty craving for human blood in “Little Shop of Horrors”. And in “The Attack of the Killer Tomatoes” no one was safe from the rolling red spheres. When he traded the milk cow for the magic beans Jack never thought that those rogue beans would provide the means for him to climb to the heavens to meet the Giant which almost cost him his life. The placid St. Bernard, Cujo, became a monster when Stephen King turned him into a rabid rogue dog. Even the universe has a rogue, on Star Trek Enterprise the crew visited a rogue planet and discovered an alien ship on board (astronomers have even ousted Pluto from the planet category…… how roguish of that asteroid posing as a planet!).

Ways were found to cope with most rogues; the wave (ride it out) , the tomato (eat it before it eats you), and the dog (vaccinate him), but how do we act in response to rogue nations?

The word ROGUE is defined as “An unprincipled, deceitful, and unreliable person; a scoundrel or rascal“. Iran’s violations of the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty, to which they are a signatory, setting Aug. 31 as the deadline for suspending nuclear enrichment clearly makes them one. They are emboldened by three factors 1. That Russia and China will want a diplomatic approach and not sanctions (recall the “Peace in our time” negotiation charade with Hitler before WW2 ?) 2. That the U.S. has too much on its plate in Iraq and Afghanistan 3. That the perception is that Hezbollah bested Israel.

According to the New York Times “On Friday, a midlevel cleric, Ahmad Khatami, said during a Friday Prayer ceremony that the West ought to be cautious in the way it addressed Iran ‘You cannot use the language of force against this nation,’ Mr. Khatami said in a speech broadcast around the nation from central Tehran. ‘Do not test us as you have tested us before‘” . This is the same as brazenly putting a chip on your shoulder and daring someone to knock it off.

They say all they want to do is to have the ability to independently make nuclear fuel and use it to generate electricity. Right!! They are sitting on one of the worlds largest seas of oil capable of such generation. Why go for the nuclear? Q. Why is it reported that the area surrounding the nuclear facilities is being populated with civilians? A. To discourage strikes there in order to avoid world outrage against collateral deaths and casualties.

Mr. Ahmadinejad , Iran’s president, said that Iran was not a threat for any country, even Israel. Right again!! After they stated that Israel should be wiped off the map.

This war waged by terrorists is not new it started in 1979 when Iranian radical students seized the U.S. embassy, taking 66 hostages. From 1982-1991 in Lebanon 30 US and other Western hostages were kidnapped ( remember Terry Anderson?) In 1983 in Beirut a truck bomb killed 241 marines. In 1984 an explosion outside the U.S. embassy killed 24. During 1985 there was an airline hijacking, restaurant bombings, a ship attack, and airport bombings.1986 Athens and West Berlin experienced bomb attacks. In 1988 the Pan-Am Lockerbie flight explosion killed all 259 aboard. In the basement garage of the New York World Trade Center in 1993 a car bomb killed six and injured over 1,000. During 1995 and 1996 Saudi Arabia had two car bombings at U.S. military headquarters, killing 24 U.S. military servicemen and injuring hundreds. U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were truck bomb victims in 1998 killing 224 injuring about 4,500. In 2000 U.S. Navy destroyer USS Cole was heavily damaged when a small boat blew up alongside it, 17 sailors killed. Then on 9/11/01 2 commercial jets hijackers smashed into twin towers of the World Trade Center; 2 more hijacked jets were crashed into the Pentagon and in rural Pa. Total dead and missing numbered 2,9921.

Terrorist acts continue to this day and in the final analysis there may be no compromise with a fanatic sect who prize “martyr” death over life, and it may be left to Israel alone to seriously consider a preemptive strike similar to the 1981 one that destroyed Iraq's reactor when that rogue nation threatened potential nuclear world destruction..

8/26/06

Three Thoughts on a Summer's Eve

Tri-O's oddities, observations, and opinions
by Herb Kandel


Who won?
The question asked was: name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends ? (answer below).
A similar type question can be posed now in regard to the recent conflict in Lebanon and Israel. Although far from being a sport the war’s outcome is yet to be known by the world spectators or the combatant forces.
The Israelis claim to have seriously hobbled the Hezbollah guerrillas and the Hezbollah boast that they have beaten the “invincible” Israel Defense Force. It seems, according to media reports , that the Hezzies have the PR upper hand in that they are dispensing millions of crisp new U.S. bills with Ben Franklin’s likeness to those Lebanese claimants who have lost relatives and property as a result of the fighting. The state within a State is being supplied this cash by Iranian and Syrian oil revenues (another reason to seek alternative fuel sources and increase current U.S. oil drilling). You may remember the history about the times when Tammany Hall politicians in New York City achieved all their long lasting power by vote buying. More recently the FEMA admitted handing out payments to unwarranted Katrina victims. I'm sure the Katrina money recipients will not be influenced when it comes to their vote but the same can not be said of the Lebanese.
(Answer . . . Boxing)
Artist redux
Franz Schubert: died at the age of thirty-one. Schubert wrote more than 600 songs and musical pieces and he was not fully appreciated while he lived. In fact most of his important symphonies were not performed during his lifetime.
Emily Dickinson: wrote nearly 1,800 poems, very few were published during her lifetime, and those were published anonymously. She was considered as an eccentric because she always wore white and never left her home grounds.
Vincent van Gogh: had only a 10-year artistic career but produced more than 800 paintings and 700 drawings, of which he sold only one in his lifetime.
Why, you may ask, do I mention the above three who had a prodigious artistic output yet were not recognized during the times in which they lived? Of late much has been commented about the artist Nall. It seems controversy follows him. Deserved? Perhaps. This is not meant to compare him with the same reverence as the above artists…. yet, ( he is very much alive, productive, and prominent in international circles) but some others, now recognized icons, too were also thought to be out of the “mainstream” at one time. Now I'm just a guy with no formal training in the arts but with an appreciation for what pleases the eye and other senses and which trigger thinking. He is, to me, a visionary with the imagination, talent, and intelligence. It seems that at times a rush to judgment is best abandoned to let the patina of time decide.
(http://www.nall.org/)
The Second Date
My friend Sy got his second date two weeks ago. Those of us now reading this do not have the second date. The first date was the day on which we were born.
This is not meant to sound morose but rather it is a commemoration and remembrance of a special friend’s life. We all have that certain friend who knows us almost better than we do ourselves. Shared life experiences and adventures that no one except the two of you have gone through (and though miles may separate ) that live in the hard wired drive in our memory. From early school days, to coming of age, through adulthood, starting careers and families, maturing , and watching the next generations growth. These events are what we share and are each unique unto themselves.
Sy was a person you could count on to do what he said he was going to do. Loyalty was his middle name. Some confused his pragmatism with cynicism but he had a distinct knack of cutting through pretense and hype, whatever their source, and expressing his take on it. His humor was of the David Letterman sort, i.e., he “put on” a straight face as he toyed with the life’s situations and then the “eureka” moment hit you as the “now I get it” phase dawned. His wife, three sons, family, and friends are all the more richer for having him as part of their lives , we will miss him. Seymour Beck now has his second date - August 10, 2006. Fare well, old friend.

8/9/06
The Nearness of Them

Tri-O's
oddities, observations, and opinions

by Herb Kandel



She never saw it coming. She was not expecting it and it came as a total surprise. There she was sitting quietly at the impressive round table where to her left and right were other leaders of nations. Then Germany's first female Chancellor, Angela Merkel, started speaking with Italian Prime Minister Romano Prodi at the G-8 Summit near St. Petersburg a few weeks ago when President George W. Bush approaches Merkel from behind and gives her a squeeze on her shoulders and then a slight flexing massage maneuver. The video of it was widely shown on TV and numerous web sites. It then shows Merkel hunching her shoulders and flinging her arms up in a gesture to stop the impromptu massage. Her expression is one of “Can this really be happening?”

Not seeking the guise of a political pundit there is no need to delve into the worldwide ramifications of this “laying on of hands” incident as to how it played out in other countries but let’s take a look at where boundaries lie both here and elsewhere.

The study of this measureable distances interaction between people is called proxemics and was introduced by anthropologist Edward T, Hall in 1963. These relate to body spacing and posture that are unintentional (the body language). According to Wikipedia

“Hall pointed out that social distance between people is reliably correlated with physical distance, and described four distances:

intimate distance for embracing, touching or whispering ( 6-18 inches)

personal distance for interactions among good friends ( 1.5-4 feet)

social distance for interactions among acquaintances ( 4-12 ft)

public distance used for public speaking (over 12 ft) “

We human beings are territorial animals and like to protect and control our space, as do other animal species. Remember the time you re-entered a class or meeting and found someone sitting in “your” seat? You’re sitting at your desk when a co-worker or boss enters your office without knocking ….how do you feel? And what if you saw your co-worker checking out your desk drawer?

When our space is “invaded” by people who are not aware of these zones and the meanings attached to them the result is tension and suspicion. You’re in an elevator, bus, or movie theater when the stranger at your side inadvertently touches you. Wham! Your own bubble of space has been invaded and you begin to feel uncomfortable, possibly resentful, perhaps belligerent, maybe even challenged. But if you were in a another part of the world personal zones are viewed differently. Different cultures = different distance zones. Whereas we in the U.S., Northern Europeans, and Asians favor the Social Zone (about 4 feet) and little physical contact, Arab, Latin, and Mediterranean cultures are more the “in your face” Intimate and Personal Zone people. Recall when President Bush and Crown Prince Abdullah held hands walking into their meeting in Texas after their greeting with cheek kisses? These actions prompted questions and raised eyebrows about two men showing that kind of physical intimacy but White House sources quickly explained “hand-holding is an Arab expression of ‘friendship, respect and trust.’” These were also political gestures, to perhaps become more ingratiating to the visitor and allow the oil to continue to flow. On the other hand there have been many “ugly American” stereotypes as we were considered “aloof” and “stand-offish” as we backed away from those with whom we were conversing as they attempted to decrease the distance between.

So maybe the president was merely attempting to show more camaraderie, playfulness, and commonality in a more “touching” manner, but almost any thinking male today knows he may be inviting a sexual harassment suit by giving an uninvited massage to any female in our culture. And it has been noted by others that the president should keep in mind that the G-8 Summit is not to be mistaken for Yale’s Delta Kappa Epsilon.

7/29/06

CLAWS- The Movie

Tri-O's
oddities, observations, and opinions

by Herb Kandel



These past two weeks have given us a lot of heavy news……. war in Israel and Lebanon, continued death tolls in Iraq, tsunami in Indonesia, floods up north, wildfires in the west, record breaking heat in the continental U.S.. For a few moments let’s consider a lighter aspect of what is going on around here. Let’s go to a movie.

If you listen carefully at first you can almost detect the faint thumping bass. Yes, the sounds are getting more distinct as the bikini clad silhouette comes into focus. Soon their throbbing rhythm becomes ominous as the greenish brown object gradually fills the screen and the bikini babe begins to look like bait as she is viewed between the big open claw of the giant lobster. Fade screen to black and then red. We’re watching the next summer big hit, “CLAWS“. Maybe even directed by Steven Spielberg. But wait…..it may not be a movie based on fiction but a documentary based on fact (albeit science-fiction at this point) if the Lobster Liberation Front (LLF) has its way.

They claim when you put the live lobsters into a pot of boiling water they (the lobsters) feel pain and therefore it is inhumane. The LLF may want a law such as in Reggio, Italy where boiling lobsters alive is illegal and offenders can be fined up to $600. Some chefs here do dispatch the creatures to the great seaweed in the sky prior to dunking them in the boiling brine.


The LLF wants to return all the captured lobsters now residing in all those tanks in restaurants and supermarkets back to the ocean (sans rubber bands binding their claws) and then leave them alone.

Carrying forward Darwin’s theory of survival of the fittest and natural selection over many lobster generations, and perhaps a mutation or two, our denizen of the deep might then indeed have evolved into this killer crustacean we may see on the screen. Ouch!

Let’s go back to the pain factor: in Norway scientists investigated pain, discomfort and stress in invertebrates (including crabs and live worms on a fish hook) and state that the answer is NO (let’s hope this is not like the “painless dentist” joke). None of these creatures feel a thing, they say. Which is good news for Norwegian fishermen because Norway's fishing industry is large and, needless to say, influential. The small Norwegian lobster is the third most valuable commercial species in the North Sea. One wonders if there could have been a hint of bias, but we will never know.

They go on to state “crabs and lobsters have only about 100,000 neurons, compared with 100 billion in people and other vertebrates (ever wonder who counted them?-italics, mine). While this allows them to react to threatening stimuli, there is no evidence they feel pain.”

Another study at the University of Wyoming, conducted on questions of neurology for almost 30 years, concluded “that awareness of pain depends on functions of specific regions of the cerebral which fish do not possess.” In other words their brains are not developed enough to allow them to feel pain or sense fear. But if you were Shirley MacLaine and believed you were to be re-incarnated I’ll bet your choice would not be to come back as a lobster or a trout.

What’s a former lover of lobster, who is now a member of the LLF to do? How about mock lobster? Its main ingredients are potatoes, corn, green peas, and flour.

I don’t know but it all sounds fishy to me and I’d still rather the real thing as I say “Please pass the drawn butter.”



*********************************************************************

UPDATE: From Tri-O’s 1/18/06 ““Riverwalk Orange Beach” should rethink its name. It’s acronym sounds suspect.”

Press Release 6/30/06- “Riverwalk in Orange Beach has been renamed Bama Bayou, developers of the project on the Intracoastal Waterway announced Thursday”

7/12/06
From : ) to : (


Tri-O's oddities, observations, and opinions
by Herb Kandel


Who would have thunk it ? As you read this a battle is being waged whose outcome will be ruled on in the next few months by the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office. The widely recognized smiley face in the Wal-Mart ads may be in jeopardy. What will the sons of Sam do? They are being challenged by a French family who claims that they originated the face made of punctuation marks in 1971.
However the person who first conceived the smiley face is acknowledged to be
Harvey R. Ball. In 1963, it was he who devised the smiley yellow button for a Massachusetts company, State Mutual Life Assurance Company . For this Mr. Ball, a graphic artist, was paid $45. He never trademarked it. ( Sorry to disappoint all the Forrest Gump fans who thought Forrest did this by a fortuitous wiping of his dirty face on a yellow t-shirt.). It seems that under the U.S. trademark system the first to register a trademark is not as important in the ownership as is the first enterprise who utilizes and takes full advantage of the symbol. This legal tug-of-war continues as Wal-Mart contends that the icon is public domain and has given it wide retail exposure since 1996. So let the grins fall where they may as we hold our breath to see who comes up smiling.
The above got me to thinking how various personalities might have commented on this smiley face saga. Let’s make some conjectures (with apologies to all):
William Shakespeare: “To smile, or not to smile: that is the question:Whether 'tis nobler in the store to suffer the slings and mask of Zorro, or to take arms against a sea of Jacques Chiracs, and by opposing end them. To chance to vanish , to be erased; aye, there's the rub.”Herman Melville: "Call me Ish-smiley, for I too will cling to the leviathan called pop-culture. ”
Charles Dickens: "It was the best of smiles, it was the worst of smiles, it was the age of hip, it was the age of hop, it was the epoch of bling-bling , it was the epoch of phat, but was it the time to pay the piper?“
Margaret Mitchell: "Goldie O'Hara was not beautiful, but men seldom realized it when caught by her infectious wide sunny smile.“
J. D. Salinger: "If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is, where I was drawn, and what my lousy design was like, and all that Mickey Mouse kind of crap, but I won’t.”
Ernest Hemingway: “ Maybe the French got there first. But for whom does the bell toll when frowny face needs the oval and the “C” for a mouth? You’ll know soon enough, brother.”
James Michener: “Smiley was conceived from the tip of a rod of Chinese graphite embedded in the core of a #2 cadmium colored pencil honed from the over fifty year old red cedar tree grown in north Alabama.”
Stephen King: “ When he looked in the mirror all he saw were the period eyes. Where was the close parentheses mouth? Then the misty cloud began seeping in from beneath the French door.”
Bill Clinton: (chuckle) “ It depends on who’s smiling.”
Al Gore to W: “ See that smiley face slithering down the table-top like Dali’s melting watch? Tell me that’s not the effect of global warming.” W: “Heck of a story Aley boy, but you know that it was caused by Iraqi ‘new-cue-lar’ [sic] WMD.”
Will Rogers: “Ownership makes no never mind, I never met a smile I didn’t like.”
Jesse Jackson: “ Whoa, whoa, this is not legal until the rainbow smiley face is represented”
Martin Luther King Jr.: ” I dreamed you judged smiley by the content of his circle rather that the context of his ink color or origin.”
Pat Robertson: “ Smileys are much too happy and self-absorbed. They must be gay.”
Rush Limbaugh: “I hold here, in my formerly nicotine stained fingers (sound of paper rattling ), and with half my brain tied behind my back, the report by the pinko drive by media admitting that John Kerry and the Democrats leaked the smiley face to the French.”
Al Franken: “ Rush Limbaugh is a big half brained idiot who puts on a smiley face every time he takes a blue pill.”
Bill O’Reilly: “ I’ll give you the last word to opine about the other big ‘O’ as long as the pithiness does not spin here. And check my web site to see what’s for sale.”
Bruce Springsteen: “Smiley was born in the U.S.A/ was born in the U.S.A./ they put a pencil in my hand/ sent me off to a foreign land/ to go and draw the yellow brand.”
50 Cent: “Yo Bro/ Smiley face/ no one ‘gonna take your place/ Wal-Mart ‘gotcha ina store/ Frenchie never get no more.”
Paris Hilton: “Smiley who?”

6/28/06

TOP TIPS TO TIPPERS

Tri-O's oddities, observations, and opinions
by Herb Kandel

It is not a question that Jesse James might have asked but some may regard it as such.
“Question: How do you respond to the server who, when picking up the money for your meal, asks ‘Do you want your change?’ Saying this before he/she even looks at the sum you have put on the table.” This was posed to me in an e-mail from a reader of the last column wherein I vented a few peeves on experiences dining out.
My response to him was --I think this is extremely presumptuous and tacky to ask, even though they may be trying to save a return trip to your table with the change. I would probably say "Yes, I want the change." You, and not they, determine how much, or even if, you want to leave a tip. A better way for them to get the point across and be diplomatic at the same time would be for them to say " I'll be right back with your change." To which you may respond "OK" or "Keep it."
Being no Mr. Manners on the finer points of tipping etiquette I did a little research on the subject and found that most diners said “Yes” but left a smaller tip than originally planned.
Thus inspired I continued to dig a little deeper to into the tipping topic.
According to the Internal Revenue Service tipping accounted for $26 billion, which they feel is also underreported. That’s a big chunk of change.
Many think that TIP is an acronym for “To Insure Promptness” but acronyms first appeared about 1920. The word “tip” however was used in the 17th century and was used as a verb by thieves to mean "hand it over" or "to give.". A common practice for feudal lords was throwing gold coins as "tips" to the peasants in the street as a sort of bribery for obtaining safe passage (somehow reminds me of today taxis and skycaps).
The history then is ambiguous but what is certain is that people pay additional money for a service for which they've already paid, this done with no prior agreement as to the amount.
Another question arises, does one tip on the sub-total or the sub-total plus the tax? Most, it seems, pay on the total and thereby are tipping on the tax.
15% is the most common amount followed closely by 20%. Some countries frown on the practice, New Zealand, Iceland, Thailand, China, Japan (considered insulting), and Argentina (officially illegal), to name a few.
In Europe tipping varies widely by country, but check the menu to see if service is included. If it isn't, a tip of 5–10 percent is normal .
In a study by Cornell University and the University of Houston found “ Good service and prompt attention do little to guarantee a big tip from restaurant-goers” . It goes on to say, “The findings show that bill size is the single largest predictor of tip size”Yet in a report by Michael Lynn, associate professor of consumer behavior at Cornell University's School of Hotel Administration, and considered “the world's foremost expert on tipping“, he notes several proven ways for the wait staff to inveigle higher tips.
Among them are: touching the customer on the shoulder or arm, squatting to your eye level while taking your order, introducing themselves by name, wearing unusual ornaments or items of clothing, repeating orders back to customers, a big smile and calling customers by name (obtained from your credit card), forecasting good weather, writing “thank you” and their name and a smiley face on the bill, presenting the bill on a tip tray rather than on the table, and a candy along with your bill are all means to a bigger tip.
It seems a happy diner is a more generous one so the more rapport with the guest whose mood is elevated is in direct proportion with the tip size, and size matters.
How about -- tip jars. Most people hate them but they show up from coffee houses to car washes. The etiquette mavens say “No” to any food-service business that does not bring the food to your table and keep your drinks refilled. The same goes for buffet-lines or cafeterias except if there is a person who efficiently clears used plates and keeps your glass full, then a tip of $1-2 given personally is appropriate.
An exception to the tip jar is the car wash where it is split among the workers.
A waiter explained about tipping in restaurants: “Ten percent of your bill – that’s a tip. But 20 percent – ah, 20 percent is a gratuity!”
You can partake in an unscientific poll: What’s your response and reaction when asked “Do you want your change?”.

6/14/06
Bon Appétit ---Maybe

Tri-O's oddities, observations, and opinions
by Herb Kandel



You know you’re not using the oven or kitchen pantry to its fullest when your spouse is contemplating using it to store shoes which seem to be multiplying in the closet . As mentioned in a previous column, my wife (we refer to her lovingly as “Imelda“) and I eat out often. We have frequented most of the restaurants in the area, from the four star to the fast food. Having the background of, too many years to count, sampling New Orleans gastronomy we know that we can be just as sated munching on a well made roast beef po’ boy as with a beef Wellington (well, almost) and enjoy the experience. What adds to dining pleasure sometimes is not only the food quality, preparation, and presentation but small touches the absence of which deters from an otherwise satisfying or perhaps memorable meal.
Let’s start at the door. There to greet you is usually a young woman. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not opposed to this, but in my old profession as headhunter we always advised the applicant, going on an interview, that you have only five seconds to create that all important First Impression. The hostess position is most times the entry level into the business. Have you ever been kept waiting for a table when you see empty ones that were set for a four party but you were only two? Were you ever seated by a table near the swinging kitchen or restroom door when others more desirable areas were available, but this was a more convenient station for the server? The better run restaurants have a knowledgeable person as greeter. This person should make you feel like the paying VIP you are and set the tone for the rest of the time there.
“ Hello, my name is Quasimodo and I’ll be your server tonight. What can I get you to drink?” is the standard opening of your server. Than Quassi may tell you of the special not on the menu. It would be nice if they also told you the price without having to ask. If you are dining with others in the party, does Quassi ask if there are to be separate checks or will there be a bookkeeping 101 session when the check is presented?
Those eating places which have a big slate blackboard as their menu should have doing it the person with handwriting that is large and legible, preferably in upper case printing as opposed to cursive. Calligraphy is not appreciated when hunger pangs are knocking. It should also be visible for all patrons without use of a periscope.
Call me crazy but I find it difficult reading a menu with a small or fancy font with only a votive candle as a light source. (I carry a small flashlight the size of a dime on my key holder).
Then there is the butter patty that is rock hard and tears the bread when you go to spread it. I prefer the butter that comes in a small crock that spreads easily and evenly.
Did you ever try to have a quiet conversation and were not permitted to do so? Why does the noise in some establishments approach the decibel level of a 747 ? Voices and other clattering reverberate to the point of you almost having to shout to the person next to you in order to be heard. This jangling does no good for the digestion. A lot of the hard surfaces causing this could be softened by drapes, chair covers, carpeting or other professional acoustic absorbers or management can offer a class on signing.
A long time ago Ernie Masson, a renowned New Orleans restauranteur, told me that half the secret of satisfying diners was in getting the meal in front of the customer while it was hot. I have sent back many a plate because it was presented cool. Here is where the “sizzle” sells and the coordination of the kitchen and serving staff is essential. I’m not talking about scalding hot but the food temperature should be appropriate to the dish. In some steak houses you can hear the food approaching in its bubbling juices before you see it which adds to the anticipation of a grand dinner.
All our senses play a part in participating in one of life’s greatest pleasures and as we traipse from table to table seeking gastronomic nirvana as a holy grail I am somehow
led back to the original premise of our kitchen morphing into closet. I think that the stomach will prevail over the feet. Yet we will never be mistaken for Roy Rogers and Dale Evans, i.e., being at home on the range.

6/3/06

Flip The Tassel, YOSOHK Grads

Tri-O's oddities, observations, and opinions
by Herb Kandel

Well here we are at that time of year when wisdom, admonition, advice, and soon forgotten wit, spring forth from podiums in schools across the nation during commencement exercises. Some are more notable than others. For instance when the former Prime Minister of the United Kingdom Winston Churchill gave the world the term "iron curtain". What became known as The Marshall Plan to save Europe was first unveiled at Harvard by Secretary of State George Marshall. President Kennedy in 1963 used a commencement to extend the idea to Russia of a nuclear test ban. Now, Class of 2006, no promise of such memorable substance will be forthcoming here.
For this, the Class of 2006, born most likely in the Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon, or Ford administrations the time has come to venture forth and display your hard won diploma. For years you sat on the cusp of the entrance to this world of conventional wisdom. For many the transition was easy for others it took a little more effort. To quote the sage Joan Rivers, “Come on, grow up!”
This beloved institution, Ye Olde School of Hard Knocks (YOSOHK), has a long and distinguished history steeped in traditions. As you know, the student body can be any age but when you have reached about 40 you most probably have been matriculated. Life’s experiences qualify you for credits toward your degree, You have worked several jobs and have been laid off, fired, or quit at least one of them. If you are lucky you like what you do every day, if not, it’s not too late to think about starting something new. Colonel Sanders was no spring chicken when he started his business at 65. On average you’ve plied your profession, worked at your trade, paid your taxes, are raising your kids, and made some compromises along the way. All of that counts as lab and homework along with tuition payment at YOSOHK.
Some say that insanity is defined as performing the same task over and over again and expecting different results. The opposite saying “ If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again” was given a realistic twist by W.C. Fields when he said, “If at first you don’t succeed , try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.” (which if you think about it, is the same as the first definition).
So, dear graduates, you’ve learned from your parenting that taking the ball away from little Johnny is far more effective a lesson for the child than your continual pleading to him, “Would you stop bouncing that @#%* ball. You’re driving me crazy.” Your taking control of the situation is another course mastered at YOSOHK.
Many years ago, at my daughter’s graduation, the speaker told the graduating class to look around and savor the moment because never again were they to be all together as a group sharing the same experience. And it reminded me of a line in “Our Town” by Thornton Wilder in which the deceased Emily is granted her wish to revisit an event in her past life and after which she says, “I can’t go on. It goes so fast. We don’t have time to look at one another ”. So, students of Life, we should have gleaned from experiencing family functions, dysfunctional or otherwise, to appreciate one another and perhaps to really “take a look” . Another lesson learned from YOSOHK.
Now, Class of 2006, you earned your degree as you : learned it’s wise to use your seat belt , read labels on food packages, know what a 401k is, not respond to e-mails from Nigeria, stay away from people wearing raincoats on sunny June days, know the Beatles are the classics of Rock, realize that even Michael Jordan knew when to call it quits, watched Darth Vader grow younger, seen how an intern almost caused an out turn, witnessed planes morphing into missiles, and experienced the resurgence of patriotism.
I wish you success on your continued journey through life’s highway and leave you with a thought from Steven Wright , “Remember, half the people you know are below average.”and from me, “Remember to floss.”
Congratulations.

5/20/06

Are bells ringing for me and my gov.?

Tri-O's oddities, observations, and opinions
by Herb Kandel


The plan was to call the restaurant from my cell phone when I was about 15 minutes from there and order the take out meal. Since my wife is not the “Domestic Goddess” of the oven we tend to eat out and take out more often than the average couple, except when the urge overcomes me and the salmon or pasta dish graces our kitchen table. About the time to make the call I pulled over in a strip mall parking lot only to be told by a beep and curt message that my battery was too low to transmit. Lucky for me there was a pay phone (which are getting scarce) on the lot. The slot swallowed the 50 cents (what ever happened to ‘drop a dime‘?) and I placed my order. Having done this numerous times no menu was needed. While placing the order there were strange sounds of clattering, clicking, and ringing. When I hung up I wondered if my call had been tapped because I was calling an ethnic restaurant and who knew if what I ordered was not code for a nefarious plot. Could those noises have come from the kitchen, a faulty connection, or from that nearby van with a dish like antenna on the roof? The current news concerning telephone interceptions gives one pause to think how our world has changed.
Did I mind that someone may have been listening in? Yes and no (strike a blow for equivocation). No, as I know that my call was innocent, and I hope they do find anyone intending to do harm. Yes, as my privacy was invaded.
I keep recalling the line from the movie “A Few Good Men” when Jack Nicholson says, “You can't handle the truth.” On the level of morality the question remains: what are limits to our civil liberties and how far does the rule of law extend? I hope that minds far greater than mine discern the ethical difference of this delicate balancing act.
On the subject of security and privacy we are all subject to being “wanded” or walking through the magnetic portals at airports, courtrooms, government buildings, and even schools. They, of course, are intended to detects pistols, knives, box cutters, foil-wrapped drugs and similar items. A belt buckle, key chain, and steel toed shoes may set off these sensitive detectors also. So will commonly used orthopedic hip and knee implant materials which include stainless steel, cobalt chrome, and titanium. We have not done any air travel of late but I’m sure if I passed through the passageway today the chimes would sound like the “Grand March” from Aida as a response to numerous silver fillings and bionic hips.
Other detections may prove less than conspiratorial but more embarrassing. Several years ago a 40’ish British woman at the Athens airport set off the walk through magnetometer alarm. The security staff found, to their probable surprise, that what gave the alarm was the stainless steel chastity belt she was wearing. She explained her husband had forced her to wear it to make sure she had no romantic flings during her Christmas visit to Greece. After, what I imagine to have been a careful deliberation of the situation by the security authorities, they allowed her to fly back to London “on the pilot’s responsibility”
Which leaves two questions: One, how did she get by the London security, if she had flown in? Two, was the belt removed and confiscated if it was on the banned item list? And if it had, as a corollary, what interesting stories that locksmith could have told..
There are other personal items that would set off the walk through alarm and require additional screening including a hand-wanding and a pat-down inspection that includes the torso. For instance heavy jewelry, body piercing, metal buttons and snaps, metal hair barrettes, and under-wire bras. Screeners may also stop you if you have boots, platform shoes, or shoes with thick sole or heel.
After numerous complaints to the Transportation Security Administration that the pat-down procedures are embarrassing and invasive because they involve screeners touching people near sensitive body areas, the agency modified its pat-down procedures thoughtfully allowing women to place their arms at their sides instead of holding them out.
Random searches can happen also. There was an instance recalled by a middle aged woman selected for one, as she was going to have her back patted down the considerate security guard told her he would only use the back of his hand.
Manufacturers and retailers are recognizing the problems of the miffed traveler and are offering products which will safely bypass the scrutiny of the metal detectors. There are shoes and some bras designed for that purpose. With tags that look like passports Florsheim identifies the styles "airport friendly" inside the shoebox while the U.S. bra manufacturers tried a version of a "Frequent Flyer Bra" but say plastic underwires don't offer the same support so they produce very little. So it seems most women would rather ring those bells than be let down.

5/3/06
Attention shoppers: Appendectomy on Aisle 2

TRi-O's
oddities, observations, and opinions
by Herb Kandel

“Honey, I don't feel well. I may have come down with the flu. I'm going to get a checkup and see what I can take to help.”
“Where are you going to?“, Honey asks.
“To Target, of course.”
Yes, it’s true and that scene can be happening if you live near Baltimore. More and more retail stores are now offering quick health care for patients with many common illnesses: allergies; infections of bladder, ear, or sinus; influenza; and strep throat. Not only Target but drugstores like CVS and Walgreens have clinics in cities such as Atlanta, Orlando, Nashville (among others) and so does, surprise, Wal-Mart in Oklahoma. Best Buy has been testing the system in Minneapolis. These are walk-in/no appointment necessary clinics that typically charge anywhere from $28 to $110, not including medication costs. They are staffed by nurse practitioners who diagnose, treat and prescribe medications. They may also provide health screenings, medical tests , vaccinations, immunizations, physicals, and counseling. Those who are ailing with more serious or complex conditions are referred to local physicians.
Why this sudden interest in providing healthcare along with electronics and everyday merchandise? Two words……..Baby Boomers. A tsunami of an estimated 77 million are on the crest of the wave and headed for healthcare services, medical equipment, and prescription counters. The increased store traffic for the clinics helps sales of other items both related to health care and for non-related products such as food/household staples and impulse purchases.
What’s a trained professional service provider to do?
Let’s think and consider ……..what if those in the professional arenas would take a page out of the retail play book and started offering competing retail products along with their services? What’s good for the goose is good for the gaggle of ganders so let’s turn the table and see how various professions just might counter this big box store invasion into their realms of expertise.
You need some lamps or light bulbs? Who better to advise you than an Ophthalmologist . The office may also have some coordinating drapes, other window treatment, or carpeting to enhance your room décor in perfect harmony.
Your Allergist or Dermatologist will help keep you away from products that may irritate your skin and sinuses …..and by the way may have a special on some washer/dryers. Air purifiers, and air conditioner units (don't forget the filters).
Visit your Gastroenterologist and you will go home with epicurean delights that may be frozen or ready to serve and guaranteed not upset your stomach. And if you are having a party, no problem - their catering service is there to assist at birthdays or soirées.
New baby? Get your approved crib, formula, and diapers from your Obstetric/Gynecology or Pediatrician . Check out the cute layettes, strollers, and baby safe toys also in the KidKare-R-Us department.
Pamper yourself with a pedicure, as you shop for shoes, socks, sneakers, pantyhose, and toe nail polish, when you see the Podiatrist (who also has the Nike franchise).
Exercise bike, roller blades, boogie board, bathing suit, or sweat pants and nutrients? Who better to guide you than your Orthopaedist who can also fit the bicycle helmet and other related sports safety equipment.
Your Psychiatrist or mental health practitioner has shelves of self-help books, tapes, DVDs, along with a complete line of punching bags, huggy bears, couches and recliners.
Remember to visit the Cardiologist before Valentine’s Day to stock up on those Bon-Bons (Lite), cards, and FTD ( For Those Defibrillated) flowers, And don't bypass those heart healthy organic fruits and vegetables that are stocked daily.
See your accountant when you need a waste basket, craft paper, or White-out as well as for depreciable items for you business such as desks, file cabinets, and cubicles.
Your dentist can provide you with not only with the usual oral supplies but the staff will gladly take portraits of all those pretty smiles and provide facials and makeovers for those interested.
At your attorney’s office look at that surveillance camera, to check on the nanny or guard your house, they may be on special. While there you can examine all the new digital cameras and plasma TV’s along with stocking up with batteries, film, or memory cards. For those wanting to check on a suspected wandering spouse, ask about the 40X tele-photo lenses.
Who’s to say that the above scenarios are merely whimsical.? Remember when there were “Blue Laws” and all stores were closed on Sunday? Remember when there was an ethical ban on the legal and medical professions against advertising? Remember when segregation was an accepted norm?
So you see there are ways to answer the Goliath’s of the world. The question is who will be the David to sling the first stone?
END

4/19/06

Real or NOT Real ?

Tri-O's
oddities, observations, and opinions
by Herb Kandel



Let’s sharpen some brain cells by taking this very unscientific pop quiz on a variety of subjects. Ask yourself the question after reading each statement. I’m sure that you've seen a similar question posed to TV contestants as they test only their luck in guessing which of 25 briefcases contains a million dollars. Forget the luck factor, here you're asked to use your mental abilities as well as intuitive powers. Sorry, the only reward is making you a better trivia master and fact giver at social gatherings. Keep you own score, the answers are on the bottom half , no peeking . So now consider the following statements and the only question is -------( taa-dah !), “ Is the statement REAL or NOT REAL?”
1. Tug of war was an Olympic competition. 2.Your next flu vaccine may get into your bloodstream on gold pellets. 3. The correct spelling for the word Google is really Googol? 4. A fish bone is the object most often choked on by Americans. 5.About 3000 years ago, most Egyptians died by the time they were 40! 6. The word sugar is the only English word starting with SU where the S is pronounced SH. 7. Pinocchio is an Italian word for "pine eye"? 8. When Joan Rivers was asked if she wanted more children she said, “I have two eggs in the refrigerator” 9. The most common name in the world is Mohammed 10. In order to stop the spread of Avian flu the Pentagon was contemplating a preemptive strike on the Canary Islands. 11. There are over 2 ½ million possible hands in poker (Five-Card) 12.In ancient Egypt, killing a cat was a crime punishable by death. 13. The U. S. once had a King as president. 14. Orange Beach considered changing its name to “Condo City“. 15. Sugarless candies may poison your dog. 16. Las Vegas has the most religious Churches per capita compared to other cities in the U.S. 17. Australia is the driest inhabited continent on earth.18. Henry McCarty aka William H. Bonney aka Billy the Kid was born in New York City. 19. Noah's Ark came to rest on a volcano in Turkey. 20. According to The New York Times Wal-Mart’s profit in 2005 was $10,000 a minute.

ANSWERS: 1. Real, it was until 1920 (the opponents of the sport had more pull) 2. Real, the gold will be microscopic (you too may receive the Midas touch) 3. Real, but let’s not go ga ga 4. Not Real, it’s a toothpick, ask Dr. Heimlich 5. Not Real, it was 30 even without HMOs 6. Not Real, I’m sure 7. Real, wooden you know! 8. Real, they're the ones with the shell lift 9. Real, with multiple spellings. But, by Jiminy, James is the most popular in the U.S. 10. Not Real, but think about it 11. Real, I pass 12. Real, but you could do it eight more times 13. Real. President Gerald Ford was born Leslie King. 14. Not Real, rumor was “Condo By The Gulf” 15. Real, very real. Also on the canine NO FEED ASPCA list is (among others) chocolate, raisins and grapes, coffee, avocado, alcoholic beverages, onions, and macadamia nuts 16. Real. Wanna’ bet? 17. Real. Trick statement because Antarctica has a lower precipitation but is NOT inhabited and that's a stone cold fact. 18. Real. He was also known as Kid Antrim, I Kid you not. 19. Real. Mount Ararat is a volcano also. Noah was two by two there also. 20. Not Real. Wal-Mart makes almost $20,000 in profit - every minute of every day. Not sales, but profit ( what remains after every vendor, expense, and tax is paid). By comparison, Target makes about $6,000. That’s what you call a real Blue light special.
How’d you do? If you got 5-7 right you should read more newspapers and less People Magazine. 8-13 shows that your interests are varied but needs sharpening. 14-17 you are well rounded but probably need more exercise. 18-20 get a life outside of “The History Channel“, “PBS“, “Discovery Channel“, the Web, The National Geographic, and The Wall Street Journal . (And stop following me).

4/5/06

Check this out-Big Brother

Tri-O's oddities, observations, and opinions
by Herb Kandel

Remember the joke that was widely distributed on the internet and was later given a public domain on the TV program “ER”? The doctor is telling an obviously inebriated and disheveled man, “I need a blood, urine , and stool specimen”, to which the man slurs, “Just take my shorts”. ..............................Yessirree!
That’s a one stop solution for multiple information. And most of us carry a similar type of multi-informational item on our key chains. It’s called a loyalty card that is swiped at your favorite supermarket, drugstore, or other specialty retail store to receive discounts. This information feeds a database that details everything you buy.
The information, of course, is used for inventory control, to attract shoppers, and to provide frequent customers rewards/incentives. But suppose the supermarket became associated with, or sold those findings to, an insurance company. Their actuaries would love to check the level of your cholesterol by gauging how much eggs and bacon you buy, to better predict with greater accuracy your risk of heart disease, to then adjust the premium you pay. Far-fetched? Well in 2001, the New England supermarket chain Stop & Shop, tested such a program. It was discontinued soon afterward but it had been intended to use customers’ purchases to create a nutritional profile. It would let you know if you needed more fiber or were ingesting too much sodium, etc. According to an article in the Denver University Law Review, a Stop & Shop executive admitted that the company had been considering partnering with “three or four” HMOs to use this data.
Do we ever fully know what happens with the personal information that we unwittingly supply to others.? And there is much more coming.
Consider radio frequency identification (RFID). It is a technology that uses tiny computer chips, some smaller than a pin head, to track items. Without wanting to encourage paranoia read this, “Imagine a world of no more privacy. Where your every purchase is monitored and recorded in a database, and your every belonging is numbered. Where someone many states away or perhaps in another country has a record of everything you have ever bought, of everything you have ever owned, of every item of clothing in your closet—every pair of shoes. What's more, these items can even be tracked remotely. Once your every possession is recorded in a database and can be tracked, you can also be tracked and monitored remotely through the things you wear, carry and interact with every day.” They go on to say , “ It's the world that Wal-Mart, Target, Gillette, Procter & Gamble, Kraft, IBM, and even the United States Postal Service want to usher in within the next ten years.” The preceding quotes are from the book “SPYCHIPS - How Major Corporations and Government Plan to Track Your Every Move with RFID” by Katherine Albrecht and Liz McIntyre. They are self described “suburban moms who've taken on some of the largest corporations in the world” to oppose the proliferation of RFID.
The RFID can be attached to or incorporated into a product, animal, or person. Some current applications of the RFID are: use in cars to automatically pay tolls; in ankle cuffs (ask Martha Stewart); for dog and cattle ID’s; Wal-Mart has its top one hundred suppliers affix RFID tags to crates and pallets as do Target, and Best Buy; the Food and Drug Administration has also approved the use of RFID implants the size of a rice grain for managing patient medical records; P&G had tested the chip in a lipstick product as had Gillette in Mach3 razor blades.
Now consider the future: the U.S. Postal Service can embed postage stamps that would enable point-to-point tracking; embedded cars, clothing, and shoes would tell where you are and were; RFID packaging for items consumed and later trashed would give a tell-tale picture of your lifestyle and habits by a car scanning the area with a reader; your “smart” refrigerator would tell you (and also the manufacturer) when tagged items have expired ; they would replace UPC codes and checkout cashiers - as the basket passes the reader all the items will be tallied and charged to your RFID credit/debit card which received the itemized information.
Many states have legislation pending limiting RFID usage. Some require a conspicuous label on consumer items with RFID disclosing existence of the tag and that it can transmit a unique ID before and after purchase. In Utah it amends computer crime law to include RFID. And to add a headache to this there can be hackers who perform illicit tracking of tags (tags which are world-readable pose a risk to both personal location privacy and corporate/military security).
In light of the coming age of RFID we may no longer be living in a house with walls but rather with surrounding windows....................... Yessirree!

3/4/06
Conversations from Cloud 8.99

Tri-O's oddities, observations, and opinions
by Herb Kandel

As most readers of Tri-O’s know I am wont to share my mental excursions. This latest imaginary voyage wafted me into the celestial, drifting among numerous Cloud 9’s.
Each cloud was specific as to its inhabitants. There was one for every profession and occupation, One labeled CLOUD 8.99 caught my attention --it was the one for Retailers. There sitting by the round table was R.H. Macy, J.C. Penney, Stanley Marcus, and Sam Walton. Let’s eavesdrop.
Stanley Marcus: Say Sam, I hear there is some grumbling coming from a town in Alabama about your proposed store.
Sam Walton: No more than usual when we move into a new area. But folks get used to us and things settle down.
J. C. Penney: I remember when we started our first store in Wyoming in1902 there was only a company store for the mining community and they operated on credit. We opened for cash only and the policy of - do unto others as you would have them do unto you -it was called The Golden Rule Store
R. H. Macy: I was told that now-a-days what it means is “who has the gold makes the rules”
STAN: You got that right, RH, but rules are made to be broken.
JC: What do you mean?
STAN: Well in 1872 Montgomery Ward sent out the first mail-order catalog. Then in 1894 Sears added more items and later tacked on "Your money back if you are not satisfied," Our first catalog was in 1908 and in1926 we had the first cover in color and offered "taste, fashion, and value." in exciting new items from all over the world.
RH: And I was the first to introduce the procedure of the one-price system, in which the same item was for sale to every customer at one price, and giving specific prices for goods in newspaper advertising. I was the first to introduce such products as the tea bag, the Idaho baked potato and colored bath towels and the first in-store Santa Claus.
SAM: Well, fellas, I kinda piggy-backed off you. After working at a J.C. Penney store for 2 years and getting out of the Army, in 1945 I bought a Ben Franklin franchise and made it the most profitable with a wide range of goods with very low prices, keeping the store centrally located, staying open later than most stores, and experimented with discount merchandising. I sold the store and made a profit. In 1950 I purchased a store in Bentonville, Arkansas, another Ben Franklin. Then I became quite involved with community activities, such as Rotary Club, the chamber of commerce, the city council, the hospital board, and started a Little League. I opened a second store on my own and I did something I would do for the rest of my run in the retail: “nose around other people's stores searching for good talent" and offering them a percentage of the store's profits. The next new thing was self-service. Cash registers that were located at the counters throughout the store would be replaced by checkouts located in the front of the store where customers would pay for everything at one time. My other ideas: have special promotions, keep the place well lighted and clean, demand staff be loyalty by sharing profits.
JC: That’s all well and good but what about the small corner store selling the same item? Won’t you put them out of business with your lower prices? And one of your stores will be pretty near the other down there in Fairhope.
STAN: I think that the folks will patronize the one that is closer to them but there are those customers who can never get some things that the corner store offers.
RH: Such as…..
STAN: Things that Sam can’t give them even with lower prices and promotional giveaways. That is: the reason to shop there, be it for personalized service, specialized items, or quality goods at a fair price. If you satisfy needs they will come.
JC: I know that if for a few cents more I can receive respect as a shopper, save the time at the checkout and gas too, and chose from an appealing inventory in a cordial environment it’s worth it to me. My middle name is not Cash for nothing.
SAM: There you go again, JC. I will always have my majority share because I buy worldwide in vast quantity and minimize my expenses by standardizing even though I try to tailor each store to the locale. No one has 100% of everything so I say “Bring ‘em on” and if you can do a better job in price (I doubt it) or service (there they may have me) go to it. After all that’s how I got started.

2/15/06

Prologue and epilogue of POTUS

2/4/06

Younger than springtime are we

Tri-O's oddities, observations, and opinions
by Herb Kandel


You wouldn’t think it to look at me that I am only 10 years old, or thereabouts . But it’s a fact. And you, yes even YOU, who may be “middle-aged” according to calendar years, may be my age too. Think about it: most of your body tissues constantly die out then are discarded as new ones are being generated. There is a new method of estimating the age of human cells put forth by Jonas Frisen and colleagues. Dr. Frisen, is a stem cell biologist at the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm.
They believe, as reported in the July 15, 2005 issue of “Cell”, the average age of all the cells in an adult's body may turn out to be as young as 7 to 10 years . They also concluded all body cells have a different life span. For example: cells from the surface lining of the intestines last for about five days while those of the inner part are close to 16 years, red blood cells are only here for three months, the surface layer of the skin lasts only two weeks, and liver cells live from 300 to 500 days.
The Karolinska team used radioactive carbon dating to determine cell longevity. This method was the result of above ground nuclear testing that was used until 1963. Emissions that was released into the atmosphere entered the food chain ( they were absorbed by plants, then eaten by animals and later humans). We are what we glow, so to speak.
The controversial part came when they examined the brain cells in the cerebral cortex. The brain is a collection of about 10 billion interconnected neurons. The most accepted theory had been that we are born with all the neurons we will ever have except the part that controls the sense of smell, and where initial memories of faces and places are stored.
This concept was questioned a few years ago by scientists who reported finding new neurons being generated. It looks, so far, that the Karolinska team is right, but cells of the cerebellum match the idea that it continues developing after birth and that each day’s memories may be recorded in the newly formed neurons. So this means that we really may be able to change our minds with new neuron entries in the cerebellum but hang on to our old original neurons in the cortex. I presume that’s why we can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but Fido will remember that you tried to.
Bone cells too are now thought to be replaced about every 10 years. So, in principle, you can go out every decade on Halloween rattling a version of your own skeleton.
With Valentine’s day approaching think of the regenerating heart. Conventional wisdom says that we never generates new heart muscle cells after birth but Dr. Frisen claims it does. So when someone has a “change of heart” they may also be anatomically correct.
Consider, if the only “lifetime” cell warranty that we get when we are born , using current knowledge, are the neurons of the cerebral cortex, and perhaps the muscle cells of the heart, why aren’t we perpetually young because of all the constantly renewing body tissues instead of “being” our birth age??
Well, two theories say that the DNA mutates and degrades with succeeding generations, and a third says the stem cells eventually weaken as they age. Research continues.
Over the years there have been many attempts to stop the aging process. In 1932 there was a machine patented that by the use of magnetism, radio waves, infra-red and ultra-violet rays claimed to reverse the aging process. The patient was placed full body into it with only the head outside the chamber. The chamber resembled an iron lung. In my mind eye I imagine that the only after effect to the patients would be that all metallic objects were instantly attracted to them when entering a room (talk about magnetic personality!!).
In 1918 a “Dr.” Brinkley injected goat’s glands into men eager to regain virility at $750 a pop, and as many as 500 would be Casanovas a day lined up at his Milford, Kansas clinic. To this I say, “Baa, baa, humbug”.
Alas, try as we may to find The Fountain of Youth, one has only to look into the mirror, contemplate the myriad of frolicking cells bubbling about in their regenerative process, realize that each moment some part of us is being reborn, and rejoice.
Now, if you excuse me I have to send in my AARP renewal and read my latest edition of “Elderhostel”, even though it might be fraudulent in accordance to my cell age.





``