1/6/07

2006 News that wasn't

Tri--O's
Oddities, observations, and opinions
By Herb Kandel
It’s that time of year again when there are a lot of Top Ten listings of highlighted events of the past year. We all know, and are reminded once more, of the major happenings both here and around the world. But here at Tri--O’s we dig deeper than the front page headlines and point out items that may have been overlooked on page 19A, below the fold. These too have a place in the history that was, but they were not given the large print reporting. Here goes:
“Is this seat taken?”, he asked pointing to the vacant chair next to her. She then went into a tirade and threatened to kill him. This by itself would be ludicrous but it happened to a man while attending an anger management group in Indiana. Good thing he asked before sitting, otherwise she might have acted without giving him warning and just imagine if he had asked for her phone number! Ka-Pow!! One would safely surmise that she is single and lives alone with a pet gargoyle.
Then there was this guy with two prosthetic legs exiting a Chicago lounge after having one too many who offered to give a ride home to a deaf man whose speech he couldn't understand. After many miles and seemingly not getting any closer to the deaf man’s home the driver attempted to drop the man off at a county airport. They were “debating”, as best they could, the situation outside of the car whereupon the frustrated hearing impaired man knocked down the handicapped driver. Someone called 911. Police came. The officer wrote on his note to the hitter that he was under arrest for battery and arrested the hitee on a DUI. The driver might have appealed the charge, but personally I don't think he had a leg to stand on.
Thousands of wild parrots are roosting in Pomona Valley in Southern Calif.. These birds are native to tropical northeast Mexico and may be here illegally but here they nest nevertheless. The residents are complaining that they are loud and make for sleepless nights. Add to the fact that they live for 30-40 years and you have a plot right out of Alfred Hitchcock’s “The Birds”. I guess no one in town dare ask, “Polly want a cracker?” for fear of being pecked to death.
It’s winter in Maine and yet the lakes and ponds on Bar Harbor remained virtually ice-free through December, which is highly unusual. Is Al Gore right about the theory of global warming? Or is it that the rain in Maine stayed mainly as the rain?
The lighted Christmas display in Kenosha, Wis, spelled out “Melissa will you marry me?”. It was the unique proposal that Brian knew would get Melissa to say “Yes”, and it worked. But it is rumored that good old innovative Santa had used a similar device to get Mrs. Claus’ acquiescence many years ago, before the advent of electric lights. Except he spelled out his request with reindeer droppings in the snow.
The man was just trying to be friendly to the panda in the Beijing zoo but the alcohol on his breath may have triggered GuGu to bite him on the leg when he jumped the enclosure and startled the animal awake. The would-be petter then bit the panda on the fuzzy back . Gu Gu countered by biting his other leg. Call it a draw as the zoo keeper ended the bout by spraying water on the panda. A zoo spokeswoman affirmed Gu Gu’s health and said they would not press charges. Which begs the question: could the offender have been charged with pandering and the zoo thus be given a black eye?
We look forward to more zany news in 2007. Happy New Year.

Three word result
Several weeks ago we reported on an NPR survey which asked : How would you describe America in three words? We requested reader three word input. Responses came from Florida to Alaska, thank you for taking the time to answer. Bear in mind that no statistical accuracy is claimed. The results:
Free (3) proud (2) beautiful (2) naive (2) . One for each of the following:
Self absorbed - self righteous - hypocritical - innovative - generous - humorous - happy- over indulgent - diverse - economically imbalanced - decent -courageous - enterprising - opportunity - stability- opportunistic- indifferent- misdirected - apathetic - misinformed - greedy - fabulous - blessed - endangered - corrupt- disenchanted
Some sent 3 word phrases: country of freedom - best there is - my own country - the very best - speak my mind - full of promise . And one reader contributed oxymoron: individual rights .
Which all goes to show what a free, proud, and beautifully naive people we are. God bless us, everyone.
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