10/10/07

The 3:10 to Seymour and the 7-11

Tri-O's Oddities, observations, and opinions
By Herb Kandel

As had been mentioned here in several past columns there are now more cameras recording street activity for surveillance along with those in commercial establishments and homes. We are also familiar with the digital cameras built into cell phones as well as ones as slim as pens or concealed in seemingly innocent items like clocks and vases checking on the nanny. It’s almost a daily occurrence to view crimes that were videotaped and shown on the nightly news for help in identifying the perpetrators.
I guess the first recorded misdeed was when the serpent enticed Eve with the apple or when the car insurance company maligned the caveman’s intelligence. Be that as it may, but we do have an early newspaper confirmed crime: It happened October 6, 1866. The first known train robbery occurred on an Ohio and Mississippi passenger train near Seymour, Indiana. Three members of the Reno gang (no relation to former U.S. Attorney General Janet, that we know of) boarded the choo-choo and made off with $10,000. The James boys (no relation to former Alabama Governor Fob, that we know of) perfected the scheme and put it into practice in 1873. There were no cameras to catch the action at that time but with the aforementioned technology there has been a spate in recent bizarre crimes that have been caught on tape committed by some folks whose IQ was less than the circumference of their wrist. For instance:
The guy in Colorado Springs was holding up the liquor store. After getting the cash he told the clerk to give him the bottle of scotch behind the counter. The clerk refused saying he was under age. Whereupon the genius proved that he was over 21 by showing his drivers license. He was caught soon afterward.
The wiggling movements gave him away. It was at the Las Vegas airport when he was caught smuggling lizards into the country. He should not have stuffed them into tube socks and put them in his underwear. Seems he is not the only endangered species.
In Stone Lake, Wisconsin this birdbrain in an SUV wearing camouflage clothes with a helmet and face mask, pulls into the drive-in window at the bank. He holds up a bag which he says contains a bomb and demands all the money. The teller says the money had been removed from the till but she offered candy and lollypops. He proved indecisive and drove away in frustration. “There, that will show them I'm no sucker”, he probably said as he sped off.
They thought they were stealing cell phones from the Babylon, NY warehouse but they turned out to be global positioning systems (GPS). The police activated the GPS systems remotely which led them to the home of one of three heisters. Which only proves that it’s still Location, Location, Location.
It was at the convenience store when he put the $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. The clerk opened the drawer then was ordered to hand over the cash or he would be shot. The clerk gave him the $15 that was there. The robber fled leaving the $20. Sometimes things just don't add up.
In England the burglar broke into a warehouse and loaded his truck with 18 pallets of copper and nickel. It weighed so much that the suspension collapsed and he was caught He was sentenced to two years which only goes to show you can't rock or roll when there’s too much heavy metal.
The next case on the docket was People vs. Steven L. Crook. The bailiff then shouted to the holding cell “Crook, come forward.” Five of the prisoners then entered. Moral: you can't tell a crook by his cover-alls.
Numbers Note: This marks the start of Tri-O’s 3rd year.