2/13/08

Love. Ah, sweet love

Tri-O’s

Oddities, Observations, and Opinions  By  Herb Kandel


A recent cover story in TIME magazine was “The Science of Romance”. Many scientific theories were put forth as to how and why we humans love. They went in depth about studies which show how our senses come into play while seeking partners. One of the more significant (and primal), they say, is that “a possible partner smells right”, along with how they look, sound, and ‘taste’ (a compound in saliva is another trigger) . But it is in the brain where all the pieces of the five senses meet then combine with natural opioids and surging hormones to generate the glowing overall ‘feel good’ phenomenon.

Let’s put aside this analytical explanation along with the microscopic approach and be like Annie Oakley (in “ Annie Get Your Gun”) by --"Doin' What Comes Natur'lly" and rely on the tried, true, and tested way of expressing emotions to the recipients of our Valentine greetings.

Sure, all those cards,flower bouquets, and chocolate bon-bons are effective but the ones that make the point are those tiny colored conversation heart shaped candy pieces with a message on each one.

The NECCO (New England Confectionery Company) has been making Sweethearts ® Conversation Hearts since the Civil War and manufactures eight billion hearts each year making them the #1 non-chocolate Valentine’s Day candy (they say if placed back to back the line would go from New York to Los Angeles and back again, 5924 miles of pastel colored line).

NECCO introduces 10 new sayings a year all printed in upper case. You can make up your own (but you will have to buy a production run of about 1.7 million candy hearts). This reminds me of the story I heard of unrequited love where in fifth grade little Johnny gave curly haired Jenny a pink candy heart which said “BE MINE”. She in turn searched through her package, picked out a green one, handed it to him, and he wilted. It said, “GET LOST”. Which leads me to the “heart” of this piece--What would certain people put on the candy heart to give to someone else?

Hillary to Barack: NO YOU CAN'T! -- Barack/Hillary: YES I CAN!

Hillary to Barack: WAIT YOUR TURN -- Barack/Hillary: WAITING SUCKS

Barack to Hillary: HERE I COME --Hillary/Barack: START PLAN B (BILL)

Bill to Hillary: NEGATIVE POSITIVELY? -- Hillary/Bill: POSITIVELY NEGATVE!

McCain to Romney: DROP OUT -- Romney/McCain: OVER AND OUT

McCain to Huckabee: I'M A MONKEY’S UNCLE -- Huckabee/McCain: NO, YOU'RE NOT!

G.W. Bush to G.H.W. Bush: READ MY QUIPS --G.H./G.W: WHO’S YOUR DADDY?

Rush Limbaugh to Al Gore: COOL IT --A/R: LEARN TO SWIM

Tom Brady to Eli Manning: 18 GOING TO 19 -- Eli/Tom: 17 TO 14! NA NA

Al Sharpton to Don Imus: NO MO’ HO -- D/A: YO, BRO, I KNOW

Don Siegelman to Bob Riley: LET ME OUT! -- B/D: CONSPIRACY WORKS, RIGHT?

Barry Bonds to Hank Aaron: PUMP ME UP -- H/B: SWING NATURAL

Scarlett to Rhett: DRAPES TO DRESSES -- R/S: DAMN CERTAIN CURTAINS

Mary Todd Lincoln to Abe: NO PLAY TONIGHT -- A/M: SHOWTIME!

Q. Elizabeth Barrett Browning: HOW DO I LOVE THEE?

A. Elvis: LOVE ME TENDER

James Bond: SHAKEN NOT STIRED

Larry King: WHAT’S THE QUESTION?

Dick Cheney: MASS DESTRUCTIVELY

Joan Rivers: WITH NIP & TUCK

Fred Thompson: LAWFULLY & ORDERLY

Rudy Giuliani: LEADER TO LOSER

O.J. Simpson: LIKE A GLOVE

Biggest Loser: COUNT THE WEIGHS

Homer Simpson: EAT MY SHORTS

We've gone from deep probing science to concise wording on candy just to wish you a requited Sweet and Happy Valentine’s Day.



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