6/18/08

Thinking Out Loud In The Silence


Tri-O's Oddities, observations, and opinions
By Herb Kandel

Here is another of an occasional meandering, putting on paper the ricocheting thoughts that flash randomly inside one’s skull during the quiet wee hours before sleep sometimes turns them into dreams.

• I get a satisfying feeling when I stop at a traffic light and pull up next to the car that passed me a few miles back as if I was tethered to a stump.
  
• Red cars traveling on the highway always seem to be in a hurry and angry.
  
• Why do audiences find it funny when young children and even toddlers utter vulgarities?
  
• Do carousels still offer brass rings entitling its holder to a free ride?
  
• I still feel “Fat-Free Half and Half” is an oxymoron.
  
• It is a major oversight that Peter O’Toole never won an Oscar, with the exception of an honorary one.
  
• Why will dogs roll in the grass, and whatever matter lies in it, right after they are bathed?
  
• Blueberries among broccoli florets remind me of hydrangeas.
  
• Bob Costas is to sport casting what William F. Buckley was to news commentary: articulate, eloquent, erudite, witty, knowledgeable, and classy.
  
• You know you are in bad circumstances when your doctor, drug store, dentist, and cable service are on your telephone speed dial.
  
• Why is it when you drip paint performing a house project you are an awkward klutz, but when Jackson Pollack did it he was a genius?
  
• I can't imagine anyone approaching a person who has body piercing and not think of the pain involved.
  
• We’ve come a long way from the days of Edward R. Murrow, for if I am seeing right, one of the Mobile weekend TV anchors has a tongue stud. Yumpin’ Yimminee!
  
• If Barack Obama chooses Hillary Clinton as his running mate, it means that Bill will have no need to explain this Vice.
  
• As a master of sardonic and wry humor why does David Letterman resort to facial contortions to get laughs, and why does the audience respond with such enthusiasm? Can it be from the urging of the “Applause” prompt sign flashing?
  
• The same goes for Conan O’Brien with his opening frog jump and body schtick. He has some outstanding parodies and sketches but it seems his openings are there just to consume some time.
  
• I fear the day will be coming in the very near future when one person will say to another, “I remember when gas was only $5.50 a gallon.”
  
• Since wearing sandals most of the time donning socks and tying shoes is becoming a lost personal procedure. Neckties too went that same route years ago.
  
• It is written that John McCain, because of his POW imprisonment tortures, can not raise his arms to even comb his hair but if he has it his way he will have no problem placing his left hand on the Bible while elevating his right.
  
• Since the Constitution states no requirement that any book be used to administer the inauguration oath of office, sacred or otherwise, I guess the incoming President may or may not use the customary Bible.
  
• Some choices for inauguration texts on which to take the oath by a variety of contenders: John McCain, Red Badge of Courage; Barack Obama, No Country for Old Men; Al Gore, The Sun Also Rises; Hillary Clinton, Excuse Me, But I Was Next; John Edwards, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn; George W. Bush, Take Me To Truth: Undoing the Ego; Bill Clinton, Pinocchio or Playboy.

And now, at last, to sleep.

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To see the column online click below
Http://WWW.baldwincountynow.Com/articles/2008/06/19/columnists/doc48573598df90f814529990.txt