10/11/08

Help wanted

TRI-Os
Oddities, observations & OpinionsBy Herb Kandel


The process started officially in January with the Iowa caucuses, the last nominating votes for the presidential preference were cast in June, when Montana, New Mexico, and South Dakota voters went to the polls. One by one the bevy of bureaucrats dropped out (like sand through the hour glass, so was the daze of our contenders when their votes fell short). And then there were two main finalists.

What if the selection process Were different? Let’s say the choice for the persons nominated was given to folks experienced and trained in presenting qualified aspirants for specific positions in which they excel. The voters would choose from those selected by the imaginary, specialized firm of Professional Executive Recruiters for Presidents (PERP). It is their task to submit a short list of the best and brightest by matching candidates to the job description while weeding out the weaker ones.

Classified ads, placed in the proper media read:

"Help Wanted President of the United States.
Job Description
Minimum Requirements: Must be at least 35 years old, Must be a natural born citizen of the United States, Must have lived in the United States for at least 14 years.
Term of Employment: 4 years, with the possibility of a second 4 years
Salary: $400,000 plus $ 50,000 expenses, free room and board ( The White House has 132 rooms, 32 bathrooms, a movie theater, bowling alley, billiards room, tennis court, jogging track, putting greens, and Camp David, the presidential retreat)Job Responsibilities: Command the armed forces of the country, Choose cabinet members, Meet with leaders of foreign countries, Make treaties with foreign countries, Appoint judges and ambassadors, Sign bills into law and veto bills, Propose new laws, Protect and defend the laws of the United States, Pardon criminals, Report to Congress once a year.
Miscellaneous Responsibilities: Must remain on call twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, for the term duration. Frequent travel will be required. Will also manage the operations and personnel of numerous agencies and approximately three million civilian employees. Personal integrity along with a strong moral code are needed. The leadership ability to address and assess complex issues then formulate wise decisions with the aid of a team of advisors. Communication skills are a must so as to be equally at ease at a NASCAR rally as well as the Metropolitan Opera. To be able to withstand constant scrutinization of both private and public life. To have the physical vigor and emotional flexibility to work in a sometimes pressure-cooker situation that can effect millions of lives worldwide. Upon swearing in the chosen candidate will immediately have to contend with a war waging halfway around the world and an economy in turmoil.
Only those qualified as above need apply. Send resume and references."

Then the culling and recruiting process starts. Resumes are perused, those less than two pages and those written in crayon are immediately discarded. PERP, trough it’s network of contacts, gets in touch with influential people from business, industry, labor, the arts, education, law, health care, agriculture, politics, and the military. They measure and give credits for the required characteristics, I.e., public service, management, decision making, and global understanding. Nationwide inquiries, reference checking, and the intensive vetting procedure further narrows the field. The persons emerging from this funneling are those with charismatic personalities, communication skills capable of hitting home runs in 30 second TV ads, show positive personal character traits, and the agility to reverse the voters thinking, without appearing defensive, of accusations that opponents have made.

When the PERP choices are made they may not be too different from the ones that came through the regular primary and caucus route. However when all is said and done, after reading the job description, the question may not be how many from which we can chose, but rather, why anyone would want the job?


http://www.baldwincountynow.com/articles/2008/10/11/columnists/doc48efbf01236d6746331736.txt