2/18/09

Heart felt belated Valentines

Tri-O's
Oddities, observations, and opinions by Herb Kandel


That time of year was here again last week when flower shops, along with candy and greeting card counters experienced their busiest time of year. (So, guys, forget about getting a vacuum cleaner or analog to digital converter box as tokens of affection for your “special someone”) As usual the leading non-chocolate Valentine’s Day candy will probably be NECCO (New England Confectionery Company). They have been making Sweethearts ® Conversation Hearts since the Civil War and continue to manufacture eight billion hearts each year. Each year they introduce 10 new sayings all printed in upper case. Here are some suggested candy heart imprints that some folks might have considered presenting to their designated recipient:

Obama to McCain: PLEASE, REQUEST A RECOUNT
McCain to Obama: YOU ASKED FOR IT!

Obama to Bill Clinton: GOT STIMULUS?
Bill Clinton to Obama: NO STIMULUS NEEDED!

Hillary to Bill: I'M NO. 4 IN LINE
Bill to Hillary: WHO SQUEALED ON ME?

AARP to Stump (10 year old Westminster “Best in Show” winner”): WE DID IT! WE DID IT!
Stump to AARP: WHERE’S MY GERIATRIC KIBBLES?

A-Rod to Barry Bonds: #1 POSITIVE MVP
Barry Bonds to A-Rod: WAS THERE - DONE THAT

Brad Pitt to Angelina: LET’S KID AROUND
Angelina to Brad: SIX IS ENOUGH

Gov. Crist to Gov. Riley: A JUICEY WIN
Gov. Riley to Gov. Crist: JUST RIBBING
(Re: wager between governors on SEC Championship--If Alabama won, Governor Crist to send a box of Florida oranges. If the Gators won, Governor Riley to ship a rack of ribs. Score: Gators clinched win 31-20).

Merrill Lynch to Treasury: BONUSES ARE DESERVED
Treasury to Merrill Lynch: SURE, HOW MUCH?

Bill O’Reilly to Rush Limbaugh: I'M RIGHT
Rush Limbaugh to Bill O’Reilly: I’M MORE RIGHTER
Keith Olbermann to Bill and Rush: WORSTEST PERSONS IN THE WORLD!

Warren Buffett to Bill Gates: BUY LOW SELL HIGH
Bill Gates to Warren Buffett: BOUGHT LOWER SOLD HIGHER
Bernie Madeoff to Bill and Warren: BOUGHT SCHMORT -THAT’S FOR FONZIE,
AS FOR ME I’LL GO WITH PONZI

Ford to Hyundai: NOTHING COMPARES TO FORD’S GREAT FUSION
Hyundai to Ford: AH, SO - HAVE YOU NOT SEEN THE HYUNDAI TUCSON?

Conan O’Brien to Jay Leno: THANKS FOR THE “TONIGHT” GIG
Jay Leno to Conan O’Brien: IT’S NOT MY FAULT - BLAME MY ILLITERATE AGENT

McDonald’s to Burger King: WE WANT A McSTIMULUS TOO
Burger King to McDonald’s: NO, YOU CAN”T HAVE IT YOUR WAY
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From sublime castle to most humble barn, the following were garnered from hither and yon. There’s no need to worry and no need to fret, the below was gleaned from the internet.
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The Duke of Orleans, during the Battle of Agincourt sent his wife a rhyming love letter, from his prison cell in the Tower of London. Many believe that sending poems on this day originated with him. The most universal poems are the ones starting ‘Roses are Red’ because the -eu- sound of ‘blue’ rhymes with ‘you’ .
Here are few more notable ones:

Roses are red, Violets are blue, If you can do better I'm challenging you.
“ “ “ “ “ “ , I'm trying to remember where I got this tattoo.
“ “ “ “ “ " , You know I'm allergic. I'm going to sue.
“ “ “ “ “ “ , Your cheeks are sticky With tiramasu.
“ “ “ “ “ “ , Of course I love you, and someone else too.
“ “ “ “ “ “ , I've learned that square roots Are exponents times two
“ “ “ “ “ “ , I'm schizophrenic, And so am I

Then there is the one from a love unrequited: Roses are red, violets are blue /You actually thought I would cry over you? / I told you I loved you, you thought it was true, /Well guess what player? I played you too!

And this scientific entity:
Roses reflect light at 700 nanometers /Violets reflect light at 480 nanometers /
The phenylpropanoid pathway makes the responsible
pigments, / usually to attract insect pollinators

Now some striking two line cute non-sequiturs about love:

I thought that I could love no other, /that is, until I met your brother!
What inspired this amorous rhyme? / Two parts vodka, one part lime.
I see your face when I am dreaming / That's why I always wake up screaming
Those words I spoke were true and grand / When said "I love U2"? I meant the BAND.
To tell you what you mean to me / Would get me bleeped on live TV
Beauty is on the inside, but some may doubt, / If it's true, I'd much prefer you inside out.
You are my sun, my moon, my star / I long to see you... from afar.

A final thought - Without love, what are we worth? Eighty-nine cents! Eighty-nine cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely.
Hawkeye, M.A.S.H.

http://www.baldwincountynow.com/articles/2009/02/21/columnists/doc499b408d87460784024763.txt