9/20/06
A Tale of Two Fiefs


Tri-O's
oddities, observations, and opinions
by Herb Kandel

There may be some skeptics who doubt…….. but once in a galaxy far, far away and long, long ago there existed a land called Baldwinia. It had two populated areas. One was Orangio By The Sea (OBTS) and the other its near neighbor Fairtopia. Each was unique.
OBTS was a place where the most people wanted to live by the water. They built many lodgings by the shore and some had multiple dwellings. Soon the shoreline was rife with buildings from huts to castles. The population consisted of many vassals and some vassals were superior to others, these were The Overseers And Developers (TOADs). Now a TOAD had a variety of duties, among which was the requirement to attend the lord mayor at his court, help administer justice, and contribute money if needed (the legal tender was coins made of antler material called bucks). In addition they must take up arms if summoned to battle, bringing a contingent of lawyers to protect the lord mayor . When huts, castles, land, and even whole fiefs became available it was the duty of the TOADs to immediately, in secrecy, notify the lord mayor who then could quietly include his name as one of the buyers for the lordly investments, re-sell it at a higher amount, and pocket the big buck difference. As well, they must feed and house the lord mayor and his company when they traveled . The loyal TOADs in addition maintained the lord mayors moat, castle, fences, and gaming preserve. They made sure that the spoked wheels on his riding rig , the Baldwinia Municipal Wagon (BMW) were the most modern.
On the lord mayor’s side, for reciprocity, he was obliged to protect the vassals, and be instrumental in his high office by vouching for the TOAD's recommendations and pushing for his council’s approval of them. The lord mayor and TOADs reveled in the realm of unlimited growth and its potential. This rule of governing in OBTS was the established way for a long time, until…..but we'll get to that shortly.
Meanwhile in Fairtopia, land of the petal and pistil, the inhabitants were of the more earthy kind who valued planting, tilling, and fertilizing . They preferred modest abodes and opposed developing the towering multi- dwelling hutches of their OBTS neighbors. The lord mayor and council of Fairtopia were known to have spurned potential TOADs when they approached.
The trees, shrubs, bushes, vines, foliage, and flowers were the pride of the populace followed closely by the great citadel of records they were constructing to house the many parchments of written stories and documents of present and past happenings.
Among the court was the small knighted force who drove their wheeled wagons used for keeping the peace along the roads and byways.
There was an instance when a major downpour pushed by high winds during the hot season was going to cause great damage. The lord mayor of Fairtopia could not escort his first dame to a safer area as he did not want to leave his post, so he had one of his knights take her out of the area in a fief coach wagon. All was well after the deluge.
Now to get back to the Orangio By The Sea story……..
It came to pass that a traveling minstrel started imparting in verse the doings of OBTS and posting pamphlets. Something to the effect, “ How did all the bucks get stowed/ in the pockets of the Toads ?/ And where was lord mayor in all this?/ Investigate and then dismiss/ Check the facts and give him the boot / if you find he stashed the loot”.
This cry reached the Grand Doge who was the chief ruler of the entire kingdom of fiefs and who controlled all the treasuries. In due course the OBTS lord mayor and his TOADs were tried, found guilty, and punished for their wrong doings.
The minstrel seeing how influential his verse and pamphlets were, thought that this type of attention should be brought to the lord mayor of Fairtopia because of the ride given by his knight to the first dame during the deluge. The minstrel called out , “ We question the manner of transportation/ for those in office by affirmation/ and seek to chastise who transgress/ just like we did OBTS”
But the people, it seemed, were not moved by this call to action. There were other matters of more import to contend with. And elders recalled the lord mayor of the northern land of Grand Apple, Fiorello, who used to ride fire wagons to the cheers of citizens. Soon the matter was forgotten.
The morals: 1. Sometimes ill-gotten bucks can trample TOADs 2. A cry for justice should be in proportion to the allegation or you can't create a tempest in a vassal which can't hold water.

*Personal Note: This column marks the first anniversary of the launch of TRI-O’S. My thanks for all the encouragements (you know who you are).

To Folks out of town: 1. On Sept. 1, 2006 the former (resigned) mayor of Orange Beach, City Attorney and developers were convicted by a federal court jury of fraud and related charges in a real estate scheme in the Gulf Coast resort. 2. Before hurricanes Ivan and Katrina, the Fairhope Mayor had a police officer drive his wife to catch a flight out of Pensacola . The Mayor's use of police drivers came under question on the front page.