6/14/06
Bon Appétit ---Maybe

Tri-O's oddities, observations, and opinions
by Herb Kandel



You know you’re not using the oven or kitchen pantry to its fullest when your spouse is contemplating using it to store shoes which seem to be multiplying in the closet . As mentioned in a previous column, my wife (we refer to her lovingly as “Imelda“) and I eat out often. We have frequented most of the restaurants in the area, from the four star to the fast food. Having the background of, too many years to count, sampling New Orleans gastronomy we know that we can be just as sated munching on a well made roast beef po’ boy as with a beef Wellington (well, almost) and enjoy the experience. What adds to dining pleasure sometimes is not only the food quality, preparation, and presentation but small touches the absence of which deters from an otherwise satisfying or perhaps memorable meal.
Let’s start at the door. There to greet you is usually a young woman. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not opposed to this, but in my old profession as headhunter we always advised the applicant, going on an interview, that you have only five seconds to create that all important First Impression. The hostess position is most times the entry level into the business. Have you ever been kept waiting for a table when you see empty ones that were set for a four party but you were only two? Were you ever seated by a table near the swinging kitchen or restroom door when others more desirable areas were available, but this was a more convenient station for the server? The better run restaurants have a knowledgeable person as greeter. This person should make you feel like the paying VIP you are and set the tone for the rest of the time there.
“ Hello, my name is Quasimodo and I’ll be your server tonight. What can I get you to drink?” is the standard opening of your server. Than Quassi may tell you of the special not on the menu. It would be nice if they also told you the price without having to ask. If you are dining with others in the party, does Quassi ask if there are to be separate checks or will there be a bookkeeping 101 session when the check is presented?
Those eating places which have a big slate blackboard as their menu should have doing it the person with handwriting that is large and legible, preferably in upper case printing as opposed to cursive. Calligraphy is not appreciated when hunger pangs are knocking. It should also be visible for all patrons without use of a periscope.
Call me crazy but I find it difficult reading a menu with a small or fancy font with only a votive candle as a light source. (I carry a small flashlight the size of a dime on my key holder).
Then there is the butter patty that is rock hard and tears the bread when you go to spread it. I prefer the butter that comes in a small crock that spreads easily and evenly.
Did you ever try to have a quiet conversation and were not permitted to do so? Why does the noise in some establishments approach the decibel level of a 747 ? Voices and other clattering reverberate to the point of you almost having to shout to the person next to you in order to be heard. This jangling does no good for the digestion. A lot of the hard surfaces causing this could be softened by drapes, chair covers, carpeting or other professional acoustic absorbers or management can offer a class on signing.
A long time ago Ernie Masson, a renowned New Orleans restauranteur, told me that half the secret of satisfying diners was in getting the meal in front of the customer while it was hot. I have sent back many a plate because it was presented cool. Here is where the “sizzle” sells and the coordination of the kitchen and serving staff is essential. I’m not talking about scalding hot but the food temperature should be appropriate to the dish. In some steak houses you can hear the food approaching in its bubbling juices before you see it which adds to the anticipation of a grand dinner.
All our senses play a part in participating in one of life’s greatest pleasures and as we traipse from table to table seeking gastronomic nirvana as a holy grail I am somehow
led back to the original premise of our kitchen morphing into closet. I think that the stomach will prevail over the feet. Yet we will never be mistaken for Roy Rogers and Dale Evans, i.e., being at home on the range.