6/3/06

Flip The Tassel, YOSOHK Grads

Tri-O's oddities, observations, and opinions
by Herb Kandel

Well here we are at that time of year when wisdom, admonition, advice, and soon forgotten wit, spring forth from podiums in schools across the nation during commencement exercises. Some are more notable than others. For instance when the former Prime Minister of the United Kingdom Winston Churchill gave the world the term "iron curtain". What became known as The Marshall Plan to save Europe was first unveiled at Harvard by Secretary of State George Marshall. President Kennedy in 1963 used a commencement to extend the idea to Russia of a nuclear test ban. Now, Class of 2006, no promise of such memorable substance will be forthcoming here.
For this, the Class of 2006, born most likely in the Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon, or Ford administrations the time has come to venture forth and display your hard won diploma. For years you sat on the cusp of the entrance to this world of conventional wisdom. For many the transition was easy for others it took a little more effort. To quote the sage Joan Rivers, “Come on, grow up!”
This beloved institution, Ye Olde School of Hard Knocks (YOSOHK), has a long and distinguished history steeped in traditions. As you know, the student body can be any age but when you have reached about 40 you most probably have been matriculated. Life’s experiences qualify you for credits toward your degree, You have worked several jobs and have been laid off, fired, or quit at least one of them. If you are lucky you like what you do every day, if not, it’s not too late to think about starting something new. Colonel Sanders was no spring chicken when he started his business at 65. On average you’ve plied your profession, worked at your trade, paid your taxes, are raising your kids, and made some compromises along the way. All of that counts as lab and homework along with tuition payment at YOSOHK.
Some say that insanity is defined as performing the same task over and over again and expecting different results. The opposite saying “ If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again” was given a realistic twist by W.C. Fields when he said, “If at first you don’t succeed , try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.” (which if you think about it, is the same as the first definition).
So, dear graduates, you’ve learned from your parenting that taking the ball away from little Johnny is far more effective a lesson for the child than your continual pleading to him, “Would you stop bouncing that @#%* ball. You’re driving me crazy.” Your taking control of the situation is another course mastered at YOSOHK.
Many years ago, at my daughter’s graduation, the speaker told the graduating class to look around and savor the moment because never again were they to be all together as a group sharing the same experience. And it reminded me of a line in “Our Town” by Thornton Wilder in which the deceased Emily is granted her wish to revisit an event in her past life and after which she says, “I can’t go on. It goes so fast. We don’t have time to look at one another ”. So, students of Life, we should have gleaned from experiencing family functions, dysfunctional or otherwise, to appreciate one another and perhaps to really “take a look” . Another lesson learned from YOSOHK.
Now, Class of 2006, you earned your degree as you : learned it’s wise to use your seat belt , read labels on food packages, know what a 401k is, not respond to e-mails from Nigeria, stay away from people wearing raincoats on sunny June days, know the Beatles are the classics of Rock, realize that even Michael Jordan knew when to call it quits, watched Darth Vader grow younger, seen how an intern almost caused an out turn, witnessed planes morphing into missiles, and experienced the resurgence of patriotism.
I wish you success on your continued journey through life’s highway and leave you with a thought from Steven Wright , “Remember, half the people you know are below average.”and from me, “Remember to floss.”
Congratulations.